wontgohomewou Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Simple question with probably a very simple answer.
Phateless Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I didn't tell her. I just dropped off the face of the planet one day. Just do it. NC is for YOU, not for them. If you tell them they will talk to you about it, which is the opposite of what you want. Just cut them off cold turkey. Don't say a word. Just stop answering IMs, phone calls, texts, delete from facebook/myspace/twitter/etc. Disappear off the face of the earth until it's been a year since you've even thought of them.
Author wontgohomewou Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 I didn't tell her. I just dropped off the face of the planet one day. Just do it. NC is for YOU, not for them. If you tell them they will talk to you about it, which is the opposite of what you want. Just cut them off cold turkey. Don't say a word. Just stop answering IMs, phone calls, texts, delete from facebook/myspace/twitter/etc. Disappear off the face of the earth until it's been a year since you've even thought of them. EXACTLY what I thought and my friend thought otherwise. Thanks for the back up!
Phateless Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 EXACTLY what I thought and my friend thought otherwise. Thanks for the back up! Your friend is probably of the opposite sex and identifying with your ex.
adamt Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 By telling them you are giving them another chance to see if they will change their mind. By telling them it is as if you are trying to call their bluff. Just go NC you don't need to tell them. Whats the point when they are your ex
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I guess I kind of told mine? I was furious. She called me a liar about something really important... So I told her to bugger off. Then went NC.
Thaddeus Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Well, it's all context-dependent, isn't it? When I caught one of my exes cheating on me, I confronted her over it and then vanished from her world entirely. No amount of teary phone calls or pleading emails made any difference and I didn't respond to any of them. But in other cases where there wasn't so much drama, I was simply clear and up-front about it: "Staying in contact with you is just too hurtful. I need to move on with my life, you need to move on with yours. Short of someone we both know dying or something like that, it's best we not be in touch. No 'friends' stuff. Havagood life." (or words to that effect) So I think it all depends on the relationship and the reason for the split.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 i have done both- told and not. when i told the ex, it was because i was expected to pick him up from the airport- he had been in greece when i found out about his latest plan to reconnect with an exgf, it was the last straw. he called me to confirm his flight stuff and i told him i would be unable to pick him up- he would have to find another ride. i told him never to call me again and i never wanted to speak with him again. that was that. then another break up, i think it was pretty mutual, although i felt bad- i apparently broke this guys heart and he was too hurt and/ or super pissed and would not talk with me- not that i tried to contact him either though. so i agree with thaddeus- it's about context.
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I think I was justified in telling my Ex to leave me be. She called me a liar... Not to pull her halo down, but that's incredulous. So, I told her to bugger off. Haven't spoke to/heard from her since. Bollocks.
caramel c Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Yes I also think it depends on the context of the breakup. In my recent case, I went NC right off the bat, but then he called and texted a couple of times so finally I texted him back telling him not to contact me unless he has intentions of getting me back. The reason I did that is even when I wasn't replying to him, each of his contacts to me had me thinking and wondering for hours or days after. I don't want that.
Ingenue Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Informing your ex of NC is context and personality dependent. Some people are comfortable simply disappearing from their ex's radar. I am not one of those people and it isn't because I wanted to give my ex another chance. When I went NC with my ex, I flat out informed him that I was taking time for myself and that under no uncertain terms was he to contact me. He had written me a number of emails that I hadn't responded to. Given that I always reply to emails from any person, ex or otherwise, I felt the need to inform him to never contact me again. My decision to inform him of NC was done because I needed to still maintain my own sense of personal responsibility. Just because he had treated me deplorably and was a douchebag did not mean that I had to become a person I wasn't. In the end, I never regretted my decision. I still have my dignity and never changed because of something my ex did. Whether you want to inform your ex of NC should be a decision that only you can make. You should do what makes you comfortable.
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