Promised together forever, dealing with threats of divorce, pending separation?

[carpediem]

My husband "Joseph" of 3 years (partner for almost 7) and I have been going through major ups and downs over the last couple of years. I am uncertain what the status of our relationship is any more. He uses alcohol and another substance like it's going out of style... blaming the use as a conditional part of dealing with what he has going on in the office. The problem lies in the fact that when he indulges, his personality changes and he can say/call me hurtful things.

 

Recently he has had a few experiences where he doesn't remember what he's done. When I bring up the things he's done he's denied them to be true. Aside from one night where I took a video of him, unbeknownst to him. He saw the video the next day, was shocked, then swore he wouldn't drink "out" any more (he'd come home drunk). Well... soon thereafter... drinking "out" meant drinking more than two beers.... and you know where this story leads. He is seeing a therapist, but that still doesn't stop him from over-indulging. I am terrified to have a family with him for fear that he'd do the same hurtful things to our kids that he does to me.

 

I know, and am certain, that he carries a lot of baggage from his hurtful childhood. But at what point do you call it quits or put your head down and push through the transition? The only time he "gets it" is when I leave... to stay with my parents or elsewhere... At what point (even after an almost-divorce and prior separation about 6 months ago) do you say this is not going to make it? No one will give me straight advice, they say, "it's your life" and "you have to make that call." It's almost more than I can bear. Thoughts?