MissJoness Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Well, if people are that discriminatory and don't want to give someone a chance whose never had a real relationship, then I'd just fib and tell them I had a boyfriend before even though I didn't. If you want someone with experience it makes sense to help them get experience instead of being judegemental
utterer of lies Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Well, if people are that discriminatory and don't want to give someone a chance whose never had a real relationship, then I'd just fib and tell them I had a boyfriend before even though I didn't. If you want someone with experience it makes sense to help them get experience instead of being judegemental This is even worse. Better an honest inexperienced girl than a liar. It's not that a girl with no experience in R's is a no-go - it's just that it counts as a negative...but I doubt anyone would be stupid enough to stop dating an otherwise nice girl just because she's inexperienced.
MissJoness Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 This is even worse. Better an honest inexperienced girl than a liar. It's not that a girl with no experience in R's is a no-go - it's just that it counts as a negative...but I doubt anyone would be stupid enough to stop dating an otherwise nice girl just because she's inexperienced. Why should it count as a negative? by saying that you are making the person feel inadequate, and they are less likely to be confident in dating anybody with that type of label. You tell the truth, that you've never had a boyfriend then you are labeled weird, and if you lie just so that you can be given a chance you are slamed for that too. Its a no win situation. I thought by now I'd be in a longterm committed relationship, but I'm not. I have absoutely NO control over the fact that I haven't met the right person. It sucks to see people judge you like that to make themselves feel better.
001bh Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Well I don't see it as a problem. Experienced or not doesn't make me judge a women. That's how I got into my first serious R. I thought I could teach her new things, and for a while it was great.....didn't end well but whatever happens happens.
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Why should it count as a negative? by saying that you are making the person feel inadequate, and they are less likely to be confident in dating anybody with that type of label. You tell the truth, that you've never had a boyfriend then you are labeled weird, and if you lie just so that you can be given a chance you are slamed for that too. Its a no win situation. I thought by now I'd be in a longterm committed relationship, but I'm not. I have absoutely NO control over the fact that I haven't met the right person. It sucks to see people judge you like that to make themselves feel better. I think you're being too sensitive about it. I don't think utterer of lies was saying that you're a bad person or are weird; he just said it was a negative, not a positive (and I think he's right). A lot of people who are at certain places in their lives (relationship-and-otherwise) don't want to take a step backwards to be with someone that hasn't learned the small nuances that are learned by having previous relationships.
MissJoness Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I think you're being too sensitive about it. I don't think utterer of lies was saying that you're a bad person or are weird; he just said it was a negative, not a positive (and I think he's right). A lot of people who are at certain places in their lives (relationship-and-otherwise) don't want to take a step backwards to be with someone that hasn't learned the small nuances that are learned by having previous relationships. I don't think it should count as a negative. I'm not being too senstive by being offended by that. I think its a back handed remark. Everybody isn't able to find love at the "right age"--no one can control that.
utterer of lies Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Why should it count as a negative? by saying that you are making the person feel inadequate, and they are less likely to be confident in dating anybody with that type of label. You tell the truth, that you've never had a boyfriend then you are labeled weird, and if you lie just so that you can be given a chance you are slamed for that too. Its a no win situation. I believe that a lot of things cannot be learned intellectually but have to be learned by living through the experience. Learning to deal with your own emotions is difficult, especially when it comes to jealousy and trust, opening up, a good balance between being close and personal freedom... It's unfair, but that's the way it is, at least in my eyes. The lack of experience means more stress and 'learning pains'. That's why it's a negative. I thought by now I'd be in a longterm committed relationship, but I'm not. I have absoutely NO control over the fact that I haven't met the right person. It sucks to see people judge you like that to make themselves feel better. I don't blame you for your lack of experience, and I did not write that because I 'want to make myself feel better'. I just wrote my opinion on the subject. Feel free to dislike it, but don't imply bad intent where there is none.
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Perhaps it's time for me to get creepy and start stalking high school boys... And, doesn't having over 2000 LS posts to my name count for proxy experience? In all seriousness, this situation is what it is, and everyone has their particular realities to deal with. I agree with utterer that there's no real substitute for empirical learning. At least I've dated some, if not recently. I learned a lot just from that. And I'm ready to continue with it. I need to allow myself to make mistakes and not expect to be perfect right away, and not rush just because I feel a little "behind."
MissJoness Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I believe that a lot of things cannot be learned intellectually but have to be learned by living through the experience. Learning to deal with your own emotions is difficult, especially when it comes to jealousy and trust, opening up, a good balance between being close and personal freedom... It's unfair, but that's the way it is, at least in my eyes. The lack of experience means more stress and 'learning pains'. That's why it's a negative. I don't blame you for your lack of experience, and I did not write that because I 'want to make myself feel better'. I just wrote my opinion on the subject. Feel free to dislike it, but don't imply bad intent where there is none. If everyoen felt like you then they'd be single forever. That's why its best to lie a bit since people are so judgemental
utterer of lies Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Perhaps it's time for me to get creepy and start stalking high school boys... Haha. And, doesn't having over 2000 LS posts to my name count for proxy experience? No. That is, it does count for proxy experience. Which is inconvertible into real experience. But at least you will know what the right thing would be while doing all the wrong ones...
utterer of lies Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 That's why its best to lie a bit since people are so judgemental No. But you will learn that, too
EddieN Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 17? 18? You're kidding right? So, if you didn't have a sucky little high school relationship, which mostly encompassed getting drunk at some party and taking pictures hanging on each other for facebook, then it's a minus? THAT's what's bull****. I was a social recluse in high school, but I am a completely different guy now. I don't see why a young and rough period of time for not just me, but everyone, should be a minus. Seriously, if anyone ever judged me for not having a relationship as of yet, I would tell them to go **** themselves, because while they were busy getting trashed and wasting themselves in high school and the beginning of college, I was doing things a lot more productive and interesting that have made me a much better and more interesting person. This is a silly prejudice that I feel is only used by the "in" crowd, because they know they have nothing else going for them except the people they've always been surrounded with.
Gemini09 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Someone actually said 17 or 18 is a yellow flag? That really does have to be some sort of joke. I wasn't even dating much then, much less in a relationship. My god....
utterer of lies Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Someone actually said 17 or 18 is a yellow flag? That really does have to be some sort of joke. I wasn't even dating much then, much less in a relationship. My god.... Hmm..the girls I've dated started having boyfriends with 15 or so...maybe it's a european thing.
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Hmm..the girls I've dated started having boyfriends with 15 or so...maybe it's a european thing. I think the norm, at least in America, is to have a first relationship in later high school or, more likely in college. IMO, 15 is way too young to be dating. I had absolutely no self identity at that age. I realize 23 isn't that old to not have had an R and that moreover, it's stupid to feel insecure about this. But, I realize that I am ready to start, but the timing has to be right. It's not all about what I want, when I want it. Just wanted some opinions is all. Thanks for your input.
EddieN Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Someone actually said 17 or 18 is a yellow flag? That really does have to be some sort of joke. I wasn't even dating much then, much less in a relationship. My god.... Someone once told me that if you're not dating by middle school or early high school then you're late in the game. I was like, "Ok, so if you don't go on dates at that time, which consist of your mom driving you and your apparent girlfriend to the mall to see a PG movie, and afterwards getting her the newest Linkin Park CD and a hot topic bracelet to show how rebellious you are, then you're late in the game. Righttttt..."
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Someone once told me that if you're not dating by middle school or early high school then you're late in the game. I was like, "Ok, so if you don't go on dates at that time, which consist of your mom driving you and your apparent girlfriend to the mall to see a PG movie, and afterwards getting her the newest Linkin Park CD and a hot topic bracelet to show how rebellious you are, then you're late in the game. Righttttt..." :lmao::lmao:
utterer of lies Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I realize 23 isn't that old to not have had an R and that moreover, it's stupid to feel insecure about this. But, I realize that I am ready to start, but the timing has to be right. It's not all about what I want, when I want it. . You are wise beyond your years.
BobSacamento Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 It's almost like a self fulfilling prophecy if you aren't careful.
Author Isolde Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 It's almost like a self fulfilling prophecy if you aren't careful. Can you elaborate on that?
BobSacamento Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Can you elaborate on that? Thinking that because you haven't had a relationship before then you are not relationship material.
Author Isolde Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Thinking that because you haven't had a relationship before then you are not relationship material. It's tempting to think that way sometimes, but I've mostly talked myself out of it. I know that I have plenty to offer, it just seems I'm not compatible with a lot of guys.
Green Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Isolde will get into a R and hopefully she doesn't stop posting on here because it will be interesting to see what she talks about then. Isolde next R may be with her soul mate and end in mariage and children
Author Isolde Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 Green has designated himself the oracle of my love life So anymore of you want to say something about what age would make you "give pause" or think the girl's situation is unusual? Never mind my particular situation, let's just be general. So far answers have ranged from 17-mid twenties. I am not comparing myself to anyone else, it's just a poll of sorts.
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