Hkizzle Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I got a friend, she's 30 and never gone out with a guy. I find that incredible. She's also extremely intelligent, the smartest in my year during highschool, Oxford grad, investment banker. Not sure what does through her mind. But she's Indian, and apparently can get an arranged marriage if she wanted.
fral945 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Not having been in a R itself may or may not be a problem. The reason (or reasons) she has not been in a R is the most important thing.
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Not having been in a R itself may or may not be a problem. The reason (or reasons) she has not been in a R is the most important thing. I couldn't agree more. This is why I said yellow, not red.
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Self explanatory. I'd say that I really wouldn't be very interested in pursuing a woman that had never had a romantic relationship, no matter how old she was, because I'm past that high school romance stage and would want a partner that's on the same playing field. Even if she was everything I was looking for, the lack of experience in a relationship is insurmountable.
fral945 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I'd say if she hasn't had one by her early 20s the yellow flag would go up in my head. OTOH, I might cut her some slack because I didn't have my first one until my mid 20s.
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 I'm 23 and in this position. While I refuse to panic and date just to have an R, I also feel like I have no idea what I need and want in an R and thus don't have the perspective most people around my age do. I've focused on self-development because it's all I can do.
Hkizzle Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I'm 23 and in this position. While I refuse to panic and date just to have an R, I also feel like I have no idea what I need and want in an R and thus don't have the perspective most people around my age do. I've focused on self-development because it's all I can do. What? Didn't realize. From what you've posted on other threads, I would have assumed you have had a relationship. How do you form opinions on complex relationship matters if you haven't had one?
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 What? Didn't realize. From what you've posted on other threads, I would have assumed you have had a relationship. How do you form opinions on complex relationship matters if you haven't had one? Thanks. It's some very sneaky "armchair philosophy".
Hkizzle Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Thanks. It's some very sneaky "armchair philosophy". two questions. 1) Is that you in your avatar? 2) How come you don't try having a R?
BobSacamento Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Past relationships only bring 1 thing - baggage. You have an asset not a liability.
Yamaha Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 OK. If I say you should have had 3 relationships of at least 6 months in length by the time your 24 does that make you feel lacking?
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 1) No, it's not me, I should get around to posting something else... 2) I've been on several dates, none worked out... and none for about a year now. It's not that simple, you don't want to force something with someone you don't like just to garner experience.
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Past relationships only bring 1 thing - baggage. You have an asset not a liability. It's mostly an asset, I agree, but there are things about it that aren't. For example, I feel the ideas in my head about relationships simply aren't backed up by empirical experience. Also, I feel like I'm "behind" and have matured in every way, excepting this one aspect.
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I'm 23 and in this position. While I refuse to panic and date just to have an R, I also feel like I have no idea what I need and want in an R and thus don't have the perspective most people around my age do. I've focused on self-development because it's all I can do. Jump in, the water's fine. You don't have to panic; just realize that the first person you have a relationship won't be your last. Find someone who's in the same boat and fumble through it until you're standing on your own two feet and confident.
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 1) No, it's not me, I should get around to posting something else... 2) I've been on several dates, none worked out... and none for about a year now. It's not that simple, you don't want to force something with someone you don't like just to garner experience. If you keep waiting for the perfect storm, you're never going to get your feet wet.
BobSacamento Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Jump in, the water's fine. You don't have to panic; just realize that the first person you have a relationship won't be your last. Find someone who's in the same boat and fumble through it until you're standing on your own two feet and confident. Yeah the blind leading the blind. Great plan lol.
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Yeah the blind leading the blind. Great plan lol. Actually, it is.
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 If you keep waiting for the perfect storm, you're never going to get your feet wet. I am not interested in dating someone that I don't think is pretty cool, and vice versa. That's gaining experience at the expense of others. Not so great if you ask me.
Rudderless Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I am not interested in dating someone that I don't think is pretty cool, and vice versa. That's gaining experience at the expense of others. Not so great if you ask me. If your relationship experience is so dire how do you make this value judgement?
boogieboy Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I am not interested in dating someone that I don't think is pretty cool, and vice versa. That's gaining experience at the expense of others. Not so great if you ask me. Whats your definition of "pretty cool", and what about these guys you dated didnt work out? And how did you meet these guys
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I am not interested in dating someone that I don't think is pretty cool, and vice versa. That's gaining experience at the expense of others. Not so great if you ask me. I'm not saying get into a relationship with someone that you have absolutely no interest in just to get experience, but don't wait for the perfect man that meets all of your expectations, because I think you would agree that your expectations are not to be trusted, not knowing exactly what a relationship entails for you.
confusedcookie Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 haha, i never had a serious relationship until i was 21, sure there were dates here and there, but nobody i really wanted to date. My mentality as what is the point of going out with someone that you weren't truly interested in? i mean, if you nip pick and have to love your SO for who they are, if you don't really like them in the first place, wouldn't little things annoy the hell out of you? Also, i was social, but i just never met the people that i never wanted to date, i think as long as you're not a hermit, and you're sociable, not having a relationship isn't a problem.
Author Isolde Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 I'm not saying get into a relationship with someone that you have absolutely no interest in just to get experience, but don't wait for the perfect man that meets all of your expectations, because I think you would agree that your expectations are not to be trusted, not knowing exactly what a relationship entails for you. I get what you're saying. My friends say this too. Thing is I never get asked out and haven't really been meeting lots of single people to begin with.
MadDriver Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Thing is I never get asked out and haven't really been meeting lots of single people to begin with. You must be ugly. Or fat. Or both. Young women your age (18-25) are at the peak of their beauty and get asked out by boys, young men, old men, perverts, sex offenders, virgins, every jack and his uncle...
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