phoenix1 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I don't want to disrespect people who are trying to get back together after a break up. God knows I did, three times, and I just want to share my experience before I switch forums. Commitment issues were our problems, ambivalence, etc. No big fights or cheating. We would always come back together because we truly loved each other deeply. So after three break ups I finally came to the acceptance that no matter how much we loved each other, it just wasn't going to work. Then we tried being friends, which at first was working out. Not hanging out and talking all the time, but kind of limited, friendly contact. He initiated it even more than me most times. (He's the one with all the ambivalence). I kept thinking how awesome it was to finally come to this place. Then he completely f****d me over out of the blue. Details are unimportant. I forgot that these dumpers are ultimately self serving. And that people break up for a reason - it's broken. So now I am going complete NC, and no more chances. No friends, no nothing. Here's my point: The price I paid for all of this was to feel the grief of my break up over and over and over again. Each time I was moving on, he came around, charmed me and I fell for it. Then he would panic, need space and leave, leaving me back at square one. So no more. Although it tears my heart out, I cannot keep going through this. On I go to the "coping"forum. Good luck everybody, but remember that hope and love are a powerful and dangerous tonic.
jgaz3124 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 sounds alot like what I am going through right now. We have broken up and gotten back together more times than I can count. Oh well time for it to be done for good and for me to heal and move on.
mundane mind Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 thanks for sharing. i'm on the same situation right now and the same issue- commitment. he came back but nothing much is going on. you're right, people that can not commit are selfish, i guess i would have to accept that. im moving on as well and yup no more third or fourth or fifth chance...
marmaliade Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Commitment issues were our problems, ambivalence, etc. No big fights or cheating. We would always come back together because we truly loved each other deeply. Each time I was moving on, he came around, charmed me and I fell for it. Then he would panic, need space and leave, leaving me back at square one. Sounds a lot like my relationship that I had, he says one thing, does another... Just he's confussed, he has problems and it imbalances me too. The best thing to do is to let go or just live our life without counting a lot on the person. Though I thought my ex changed. He knew what he wanted almot for a year
Peanut9330 Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Well me and my BF broke up twice because he cheated both times, and now he's trying to come back around again but I’m not allowing it. I decided that I’m done I gave him his second chance he took me for granted and didn’t appreciate what it took to forgive him for the infidelity and he topped that off with cheating again. So I walked away and there is no way in hell I’m taking him back. Over and done with.
Devil Inside Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Phoenix I'm sorry for your pain, at least it won't be for nothing. You have learned a valuable lesson from this experience. Most importantly you are making yourself number one, caring for yourself, and taking care of yourself. You are really the only one that can do that for yourself. It does hurt to let someone we love go...but sometimes that is the only way to be happy. It's tragic to have people out there that we love, but just can't be with. "Love is unconditional...relationships aren't." Remember that quote. Going NC is the right move. To remain friends would just keep that wound open. You would never be able to heal...or move on. It will be hard, but take it one day at a time, and remember when you want to break it all the pain involved and how empty that contact will make you feel. Good lick. Protect your heart. One day...you will find another to share it with, and you will be stronger because of this experience.
Author phoenix1 Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks devil inside. Leaving someone I love is one of the hardest things I've ever done. We both feel the same way actually, and I think it is very painful for both of us. Sometimes I think I will never get over it, but I suppose life will go on.
aboynamedmike Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 It does hurt to let someone we love go...but sometimes that is the only way to be happy. It's tragic to have people out there that we love, but just can't be with. "Love is unconditional...relationships aren't." Remember that quote. Indeed. I broke it off with my ex, despite still having feelings of love for her, because we just seemed to be incompatible as a couple. She's a great girl, and an awesome friend and I don't plan on losing her. Good quote too.
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