jthomas Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 My wife and I dated for 4 years before we got married. When she would ask me if we were ever going to get married, and I would hesitate to answer, she would ask me, "What do you think will change?" I felt that the sex would go. I told her this, and she assured me that I would always have hot sex (wearing fun outfits, high-frequency, experimenting). Fast-forward 10 years and now she tells me that she never really intended to keep her part of the bargin, because wearing lingerie really isn't her. And that she was just doing it because it was a faze she was going through, but now she's done with it. She's promised to wear things and be more adventurous, but then stops after a week or so. Do I have a right to be as pissed-off as I am because I'm really pissed-off. I feel tricked and deceived. Am I blowing things out of proportion?
westrock Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Fast-forward 10 years What was happening during the 10 years?
Enema Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Why are you bringing this up 10 years down the track? Sounds like she hasn't been doing it for a while. If she's only been doing it until quite recently, that's understandable. People change over time, I'm sure you're not exactly the same as a decade ago.
LakesideDream Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 The right to be pissed off? I don't think so. Pissed off or angry is not going to get you where you want to be. If your goal is to rekindle the passion in your relationship dig in and find out what excites her. If she's a passionate woman at heart, find out her triggers. If you try and fail, or if her attitudes about sex in general have changed you may have a problem that's harder, or impossible to solve. Remember anger, whining, bargaining are not sexy. Think long and hard before venting your anger over this.
Author jthomas Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 What was happening during the 10 years? She starting being very reserved once we got married. It feels like she got what she wanted and then decided it was time to coast in our relationship. I always ask her if there's anything she would like me to do better (in and out of bed), and she says that she's perfectly happy and that I'm doing a great job. She says that she doesn't think we are a sexual match.....
Author jthomas Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Why are you bringing this up 10 years down the track? Sounds like she hasn't been doing it for a while. If she's only been doing it until quite recently, that's understandable. People change over time, I'm sure you're not exactly the same as a decade ago. she's finally being honest about why she was not as adventurous as she was in the past. I would always have to ask, and then she would promise to be more open and adventurous. Then it would shut off a few weeks later at the most and we would be right back in the same situation.
Author jthomas Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Why are you bringing this up 10 years down the track? Sounds like she hasn't been doing it for a while. If she's only been doing it until quite recently, that's understandable. People change over time, I'm sure you're not exactly the same as a decade ago. It seems that when we first met she was playing some sort of game. I was not aware of this at the time, but she told me later after we were married. She always wanted to try to be the sexy-girl. So it seems I feel in love with this character that she was playing, and now she says that this is who she really is, and that I should just love her for who she is.
giotto Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 what? You two dated for 4 years and you didn't notice she was 'acting' a part? I'm flabbergasted!
2.50 a gallon Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Welcome to the married mens club First off, I am no longer married. When I met my wife I was a player, I had a black book full of numbers and several friends with benefits. I was even into nude photography. My XW as a GF was very adventuresome sexually, she quickly became my number one model. Outfits, O Yeah. Our first Christmas together, she disappeared into the bedroom as I set the tree in the stand. When she came out of the bedroom, she had this new black lingerie outfit, heels, net stockings, etc. She handed me a couple of rolls of film, and told me she was going to decorate the tree and it was my job to shot the photos, as "after we get married and have kids we will not be able to do this" For over two years we had sex on average at least twice a day, with her inititating it as much as me. I was warned by my married buddies, that will change once you get married. They were right, as shortly after the honeymoon, she informed me she was my wife and the future mother of our children. She never initiated sex again, and our sex life went down to twice a week. I never saw her outfits again, I suppose she used them as props for her next BF We broke up six months later, and this was not the cause. All I can tell you is it hurt like hell for the first couple of years, and had we be able to fix things, I have gladly forsaken never seeing those outfits again, just to have had my old wife back I have had many lovers in my life and damned few of them would wear lingerie. So you are lucky man in that at least you got a taste, most men have never got that chance, perhaps the reason the pole dancing clubs make so much money. As to your wife, you say it has been 10 years, which make me guess she is close to at least 30 years old, many years removed from her teenage years. People change as they get older.
giotto Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 ah, ah, lingerie... yeah, my wife never wore any at all! She wore suspenders once to go out with her friends... but not for me!
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