SoulSearch_CO Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Well...what I meant was I'd hate to push him away if he thinks I'm multi-dating just because I made a joke. Just like you guys - we haven't been out a TON. So I wasn't really sure how to take that comment and I wasn't sure if it was too early to say I wasn't focusing my attention anywhere else. We've been on 3 dates within a 5-day period (first date was 6 hours and wasn't intended to be). All initiated by him. He's out of town right now, but wants to see me as soon as he gets back. I wasn't sure how to broach the multi-dating topic with him. But you guys have helped. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 IMO, stick to positive statements about yourself, how you view her and relationships in general. Here's a question.... When would you feel comfortable and appropriate having sexual relations with her? At that point, do you want exclusivity? If any questions are asked, IMO, that's the time to ask them, but couch them in affirmative statements. Here's an example, though not necesarily accurate to your perspective.... "I like where this is going and want to share more of myself. I believe in being exclusive before being intimate with another person. How do you feel about that?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author compre11111 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 Well...what I meant was I'd hate to push him away if he thinks I'm multi-dating just because I made a joke. Okay, that makes sense. I thought you meant that you're afraid of pushing him away by telling him that you're NOT a multi-dater. As a guy, I'd be absolutely thrilled to hear a girl tell me that -- at least if I was really into her. As for the previous post about mentioning exclusivity prior to being more physically intimate, that was the original plan, and that's probably the way to go. I only recently flirted with the idea of bringing up the subject now, probably because I'm naturally impatient By the time I'm looking for something more physically intimate (i.e., sex), I want to already be emotionally connected. But before I allow myself to make that investment, I wanted to have an idea of where she stood. Saves me a lot of trouble later on if I find out early that she's dating other guys. But as I said, I'll play it down for now and let time take it's course. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I would suggest, and to me this is an important boundary, remaining true to *your* perspective. When the time is right for *you*, bring up the subject. Otherwise, the energy you spend stuffing it down and dismissing it as 'not yet time' and/or fear of her answer will impact your psyche in a negative way. If she's dating other guys and the results for you are negative, that's the way it is. Don't sacrifice yourself at the altar of another Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts