tigressA Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I had a long conversation with my friend the other day about his sort-of ex-girlfriend who he's still really confused about, and it broke my heart. I've only met her once and I hate her. She's addicted to drama and plays havoc with my friend (he himself has more bad than good to say about her these days). He says that he's really confused because of how they were before she broke up with him and that they talked about a future together--he wants to be in a relationship that will lead to marriage; he's getting serious about settling down, but there's a loud voice in his head that tells him she's not right for him. I told him already that I agree with that voice, that it's obvious he's miserable with how things are right now because of her, but that I really just want him to be happy and if fighting for his relationship with that girl will make him happy then I support that. I have a history with him; we were FWB soon after we first met over two years ago but I broke it off because I wanted to be serious and he didn't. We've been great friends ever since then; we can talk to each other about anything and we have so much fun when we spend time together. During that entire phone call I kept thinking, "We could be so great together, if you would only give me a fair chance." I've basically adored him in secret for all this time. There were long stretches when I felt like I was over it and then something would happen to make the feelings come right back to the surface. This is the first time that both my friend and I have been single at the same time in over a year. I'm conflicted about saying anything to my friend about how I've felt all this time for two reasons. 1) If I said anything I would likely lose him as a friend, as even I probably couldn't bear being around him having my feelings known to him, and it would be awkward for him too. 2) I do feel sometimes like I'd rather have none of him if I couldn't have all of him, because whenever he becomes involved with someone new, my heart hurts and I can't help but feel jealous and think, "What do they have that I don't?" But at the same time, I love having him in my life because he's a great person. I don't know what I should do.
patcha Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I really think you should just go for it. And if he doesn't feel the same way, I understand you're going to be uncomfortable around him, and he may feel awkward as well. That's going to suck. But taking that time from each other doesn't mean it's going to be FOREVER. Eventually, that awkwardness will fade away, and you guys will be able to be friends again. This is only if your feelings aren't reciprocated. But who knows until one of you makes a move? If you don't know for sure, you could be closing the door on others who may by the right one for you, b/c you're partly waiting for him.
Author tigressA Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 But taking that time from each other doesn't mean it's going to be FOREVER. Eventually, that awkwardness will fade away, and you guys will be able to be friends again. That's true. I also feel weird about saying anything because of his situation with his sort-of ex. I'd rather not be on that girl's bad side. And it might not make sense but I feel like I might just be burdening him more than he already is with telling him about my feelings, because he's currently confused as all get-out about his current situation. I'm going back to school in 10 days and he said he's looking forward to seeing me when I go back, that we'll hang out more. If I tell him, I don't want to wait too long because what if he gets back with her or meets someone else--but I don't feel right about doing it now either because of how things are between him and his sort-of ex.
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