veryconfused444 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Here's my situation, About a month ago my girlfriend of 6 years decided she was leaving me. We had a long distance relationship all through college, and had been living together for the past two years. When she graduated college she hated what she was doing, so I decided to include her in the business I had started. She became part of the business and we worked together, along with two partners very closely for most of the two years we lived together. Although there were a lot of stresses with the business, she seemed to love it, put in a ton of effort, and worked harder than she ever has before. Then I come home from work with her a month ago, and she says to me "I don't love you anymore", she goes on to tell me that shes very confused about who she is, what she is doing with her life, what she wants, and is just picking up and going back home to start over. This is after she had just returned from a trip to visit her family for a few days. In the breakup (which happened very quickly, we really didnt talk much at all, it was basically "i dont love you anymore", which there wasnt anything i could say) anyway, in the breakup she let me keep our dog. Now 5 weeks later i hear from her and shes begging me to let her have the dog, or at least tell her how he is doing (like details of whats up with him) and from there we have a conversation about what happened. I really feel like i dont know her at all anymore, how she was capable of just picking up and leaving so suddenly? I know our relationship wasnt perfect, but i never there wasnt something we couldnt overcome together. We were good at communicating for the most part, but i guess she felt she couldnt tell me about feeling as though she wanted to make big changes in her life, i really dont know. I guess i just wanted some outside opinions. In our conversation yesterday I was a little bit short with her, i stood firm on my position that she had really done something that I didnt deserve, and that her walking out like that was a betrayal, and that I deserved better than someone who could do something like that. Then I wrote her this in an email: You also need to understand that I'm moving on, and that (our dog) can no longer be a part of your life. I won't be giving you updates about him, but please believe that I will always love him, and give him a good life. I'm not doing this to hurt you, I'm doing it because I know that I cant have you as part of my life anymore, and that in order for me to find happiness with someone else, you need to be entirely out of the picture. What you and I had for seven years will be something I'll always cherish, but how it ended colors those seven years. I realize that I wasn't really ever safe with you, that ultimately you were always capable of simply walking out, that in reality, you weren't deserving of the loyalty and level of love and dedication that I gave you, because you weren't willing to give it to me. I can tell you with 100% honesty, I would have stuck with you through anything, much more than you apparently gave me credit for. You gave up someone in your life that thought of you as family, that I would never have given up on unless you gave up on me. I hope you feel that your time with me bettered you. Part of me will always love you, and loving you taught me about my capacity for love, and you leaving, taught me about what I deserve in return. I know I'll love again, and I hope you'll be able to figure out who you really are, what you really want, and then decide to give yourself to someone in a way you didn't give yourself to me, because if you can't this will just keep happening to you. Good luck, please don't contact me again for at least six months, you owe me that much respect. Did i handle this properly?
utterer of lies Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Then I wrote her this in an email: Did i handle this properly? No. Way to much blahblah and blathering. And requesting NC is by contacting kind of defeats the point of NC.
patcha Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Wow. You sounded really bitter in the email, but I really don't fault you. Should I have been in the same position and someone I loved up and left like that, I would have felt betrayed as well. But since I'm not in that situation, it's possible that she wanted to break up with you some time ago. Signs could have been there, and you just didn't see it. She was probably afraid you would be upset and cut her off, which you definitely did. It does sound like she still would like to be friends, but she also to respect your choice to end contact with her in order to move on. Whether if it's the right decision, you have to do what's right for you. As for her, I actually don't see her as having done anything wrong. People and feelings change. She can have taken the time to explain things to you more. But what could that have done? Prolong the inevitable? Give you closure? Like another thread on here discussed about closure, when it comes to discussing what happened with the other person is more about getting the last word. Real closure is the closure you give yourself. Really. As an outsider, I don't see anything wrong happened here. Just that her feelings changed, and she ended the relationship. There was nothing that could have been done to change that.
Author veryconfused444 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 i guess i do feel bitter about it, I really did everything i could for this girl, i was open and honest with her about everything, we talked about how she felt a lot. Then this happens completely out of the blue, she gave up on everything she had been claiming to love (up until the day before this happened) talking about how much she loved the business, loved me, was excited about our life together, and our future. Then she goes home and has a good time seeing the family she missed, and all of a sudden she wants to completely change her life, including leaving me. Then in a conversation over aim, she acknowledges shes completely confused about herself, who she is, what she wants. She says verbatim "I can't tell you I don't love you now"
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