drawmonkey Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 So I broke NC with a text, apologizing for being pushy before. She responded with a text basically wishing me well. I responded to that saying thank you but I still want that closure talk. She called yesterday and we did some of it on the phone but I told her it really needs to be in person, so we are tentatively scheduled to do that next wednesday. But after I got off the phone, I was less hopeful of reconciliation and even realized some of her traits are things I just have zero respect for. So I had this sudden feeling that I moved on. I knew it may not last, but it was there. I got deeply, deeply depressed and was a mess the rest of the day. I went out to distract myself last night, but was not really in a good place and woke up even more depressed this morning. I talked to some friends today and that helped. I am hoping next week to tell her I don't need her and I'm moving on, get some stuff off my chest I want to her to hear and maybe get a few things answered by her. I'm hoping I don't break down and try to get her back again. I'm really thinking about lying to her and telling her I'm already dating (I've talked to some women this week but that's about all...not ready to do that until I'm less tore up inside). I'd still take her back in an instant if she changed her mind about this. But I'm going to give her the impression I'm over her and doing really well without her.
lupa Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 If you're not over her, why subject yourself to that through lies? There is a difference between being truthful and saying too much, and just being truthful. If you need closure, make sure that is all you go for. If you want her back, either listen to everyone here who says the 180 is the best method, or tell her one last time and THEN move on. Whatever you do, do not tell her you've moved on, regardless of it is true...it makes you petty and weak.
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 You DO realize that there's no such thing as 'closure,' right? It's just Oprah-speak for "getting the last word." And you also DO realize that the progress you've made in healing (little as it is, but there is some progress) will all be nullified when you see her again, right? You do realize that you'll be back to square one, right? And you DO realize that apologizing, even though you really had nothing to apologize for, further exacerbated the power imbalance between you two, right? I humbly suggest that this meeting you've set up for next week will only make things worse for you. There will always be questions that don't get answers, there will always be nagging doubts, there will always be second thoughts. So go meet her if you feel you must. But please don't think that it will make things any better in your heart.
NopeNah Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I myself would cancel the meeting. That in it's self will tell her all that needs to be said. As thad said, there is NO such thing as closure. Atleast it's not something she can give you, as it comes from within. It's the feeling you get when you know you won't ever see/talk to her again and you're ok with it.
utterer of lies Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 On a side-note, you might want to change your avatar.
caramel c Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 You DO realize that there's no such thing as 'closure,' right? It's just Oprah-speak for "getting the last word." And you also DO realize that the progress you've made in healing (little as it is, but there is some progress) will all be nullified when you see her again, right? You do realize that you'll be back to square one, right? And you DO realize that apologizing, even though you really had nothing to apologize for, further exacerbated the power imbalance between you two, right? I humbly suggest that this meeting you've set up for next week will only make things worse for you. There will always be questions that don't get answers, there will always be nagging doubts, there will always be second thoughts. So go meet her if you feel you must. But please don't think that it will make things any better in your heart. This is good advice! Listen to him!
Recommended Posts