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For the ladies

BigBubbs

By BigBubbs
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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BigBubbs Member

BigBubbs

Posted
Posted

I was dating a 39 year old girl with major trust issues, low self esteem and a history of unsuccessfull abusive relationships.

 

I know many would say why would you. You don't know that right away and by the time many of these things come to light you are already in love with the person.

 

I dated her for a year and a half and we just broke up. I couldn't deal with her constantly trying to run away and me basically begging my way back.

 

My question is how do you help someone you truly love that needs help and is desparately trying to find a relationship anywhere?

 

It's so bad that after we broke up (because basically I stopped chasing) she literally put up a profile on a dating website the same day.

 

Should I give it a couple weeks/months and try to contact her again as it is very hard for me to simply walk away.

 

She also has 2 teenage kids that I care about as well. We were getting along well and literally had an argument where I didn't want to back down like I always did. We both hung up the phone and didn't contact each other for 4 days at which point she said it was over.

 

Please give me some advice ladies

Thornton Established Member

Thornton

Posted
Posted

My initial thought is: you can't fix someone who doesn't want to fix themselves. It sounds like she would benefit from counselling; if you were in a relationship you could even go for counselling together. If you want her back, say so, with the proviso that you get counselling. But if she isn't prepared to work on her issues you might as well give her up as a lost cause - nobody can fix anyone else.

gavinus Established Member

gavinus

Posted
Posted

You can't help someone who won't or can't help themselves much as you would love too. I know, I tried for 3 years, it didn't work. The reality is you have to let her go, because if she REALLY REALLY loved you and wanted to be with you, she would try to help herself for her and for the future you may have had together. Don't waste anymore of your life on a cause that only you want to fight for, let go now before more years drift by "The person who cares the least has the most power" stay strong, pour your energy into a cause you can win...yourself :)

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