Chibaby Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I feel like such an idiot. I went out with my husbands coworkers to a club last night while he stayed home. I think I was the most drunk person there, while everyone had about 3 beers, I had that, and brought a flask and drank half of the flask. I talked to one native american girl about how I respect her, and how my mentor was native, how i respect her cuture, and blah blah blah. I am worried that she thinks i am a huge idiot...it's a young crowd, that likes to party, but last night they were pretty tame, I feel so stupid. I mean, I didn't puke, and I could walk and everything, but I was saying stuff like, sorry I'm so drunk, you probably don't want to be friends with me anymore. Everyone was dancing all stupid, but I was saying the stupidest things, making me the idiot. FYI, go to this link....this is me last night, I am the far right in blue, and look sooo drunk so you can get the idea... http://s82.photobucket.com/albums/j243/brandykahu/?action=view¤t=DSCN1499.jpg I was so drunk when I came home, my husband was really mad at me. Since I don't have a job, he moniters what I spend, what I eat, and how much I drink. He got mad at me toobecause I ate a frozen dinner that he's supposed to bring to work for lunch. I have to ask him for money to pay my bills. I just moved to a new place, and don't have a lot of friends here, so I drink way too much and while I know I can stop, I use it as a crutch because I have social problems. I also can't get a job, and I drink when I'm bored. I am really shy, and drinking helps. I am also on antidepressents, but they obviously aren't helping. My husband I think is so sick of me because I'm always home, and always really hard on myself. He can't stand the way I act, because I say things like, sorry I'm so ugly, fat, stupid, etc.... I'm not looking for sympathy, that's just how I feel. I guess deep down I know I'm not those things myself, but I feel like that is how everyone thinks of me. Does anyone else hate themseves and have this problem? If so, how do you fix it. I know step one is to stop drinking....but what comes next?
whichwayisup Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Sounds like you need counselling and to get yourself to some AA meetings. Your husband is disappointed, he doesn't hate you. He may hate your actions and what you've been doing, big difference. Why can't you get a job? Anyway, google CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), I think it could help. Taking meds may mask what you feel, and control the depression, but you need to face some issues and learn to love yourself, gain self confidence so you can be the woman, the wife, the friend, the mother, you're meant to be.
Enema Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 You don't look trashed in the photo; you and the girl in the white top are pretty hot too! I wouldn't worry about the party night by itself, everyone has a few blinders and people expect it. Especially a young crowd, they won't care. The bigger problem is your drinking by yourself at home and being unemployed. You need to fix those two problems, or at least stop drinking and be visibly active / searching so your husband knows you're not just mooching off him.
Author Chibaby Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Sounds like you need counselling and to get yourself to some AA meetings. Why can't you get a job? QUOTE] AA...don't think I'm there yet. I just get bored and drink, or shy and drink. But the root of my problems is not drinking, it's more of a self confidence issue. As far as a job goes, I just moved to a small, conservative community from a big city. I have had several interviews, but I must be doing something wrong. I'm an artist, and when I try to apply for jobs, they don't take me seriously, and even though I'm nearly 30, I've heard I'm too young and inexperienced, or too "creative minded" to work in a boring data based job. I think they like my resume on paper, but something about me is not hiring material. I worked in mortgage for several years until I moved, but I feel like the artist thing turns people off when it comes to serious jobs. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I am also non-religious, which is a big deal around here, even though I know they are not supposed to hire based on faith, around here I've been asked that on several interviews. But what am I gonna do, sue? Please I'm broke. I am also ethnic, and I think that plays a part, they like locals that fit into a certain profile. I am just myself though, and I'm not going to lie or play a part to get a job. I'm smart, presentable, and I've got a great work ethic. I am starting to think it's not the economy, it's me. I've got a double bachelors degree in photography and history, as well as an AA in design. I had a really important big deal job back in the big city but here I'm just sh*t. It's all about networking here, and I don't know anyone. It sucks.
LakesideDream Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 The West Coast has been devestated by the economic situation. There really may be no jobs in your field. You might want to drop the "artist" from your resume if you find it's a negetive when looking for work. One of the things you wrote that stood out is that you were in the Mortgage industry for quite awhile. I cannot think of an industry more crippled by the downward spirling economy. As for the party and drinking stuff. You might want to drop that behavior especially in these tight times. Why not trying to instill a "team" motif in your life and marriage. Teaming up with your husband to accomplish positive things instead of siphoning off assets on girls nights out? The alternatives seem pretty bleak.
Phateless Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 You need to get over the victim mentality. http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=1&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.selfgrowth.com%2Farticles%2FBaker4.html&ei=YD-OSuCbHJP8sQOk57yECw&rct=j&q=victim+mentality&usg=AFQjCNFtQyn6GRWbKEQYvwz-KJEVOlU1qQ&sig2=gnfXvHlqovSwJ3RSsUcy8A
Author Chibaby Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 You need to get over the victim mentality. http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=1&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.selfgrowth.com%2Farticles%2FBaker4.html&ei=YD-OSuCbHJP8sQOk57yECw&rct=j&q=victim+mentality&usg=AFQjCNFtQyn6GRWbKEQYvwz-KJEVOlU1qQ&sig2=gnfXvHlqovSwJ3RSsUcy8A Hmmm...yes, I was in a relationship 10+ years ago in high school where it was verbally abusive (you need to lose weight, get rid of acne, you're not as pretty as her...etc), I know I have problems due to that...my ex's used to hit on other women in front of me, and the other one had huge control issues and made a big deal out of it when I didn't do what he thought was right. Never thought of myself as a victim, but more of a survivor. I don't blame the world for my problems however, I mean, it my past sucked, but it's in the past. I know everything now is up to me, so I blame myself for everything. I feel like I'm not good enough. I just get mad at myself for acting the way I do. I just want to know if I'm normal, and if not, I want to be!
Author Chibaby Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 The West Coast has been devestated by the economic situation. There really may be no jobs in your field. QUOTE] Oh, and I don' t live on the west coast anymore. Moved to the midwest, which I feel is even worse to find jobs!
Phateless Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Hmmm...yes, I was in a relationship 10+ years ago in high school where it was verbally abusive (you need to lose weight, get rid of acne, you're not as pretty as her...etc), I know I have problems due to that...my ex's used to hit on other women in front of me, and the other one had huge control issues and made a big deal out of it when I didn't do what he thought was right. Never thought of myself as a victim, but more of a survivor. I don't blame the world for my problems however, I mean, it my past sucked, but it's in the past. I know everything now is up to me, so I blame myself for everything. I feel like I'm not good enough. I just get mad at myself for acting the way I do. I just want to know if I'm normal, and if not, I want to be! I think you need to focus less on your feelings and more on your actions. You are completely in your own head. Decide on actions. Do them. That's it.
Teslacoil Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Chibaby, you're in desperate need of a hobby. You say you're an artist... so I really don't get why you're so bored all the time. Couldn't you work on your art instead of drink? Try to pick up something new - hiking? Exercise? A club of some kind? Music? Anything to occupy yourself. Maybe that will pick you up and get you out of the doldrums and help you stop drinking so often.
quankanne Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 if you're fat, then I'm a damned dumpling in comparison! YOU LOOK FINE – an unusual face that's very attractive, a healthy figure, and incredibly creative to boot (based on the photography comment). I can see how your husband would be upset about you going out and letting your rear show, so to speak – you're much better than that. so ... get rid of the stinkin' thinkin' and embrace this period as a time where you can reinvent chi-baby. I think you've got all the necessary elements to do it, you just need to believe in yourself. Remember, you can be your worst enemy if you allow it. You're much too pretty and talented to be wallowing in that kind of thinking. now get your butt into gear. Look into the kind of photography that goes outside the box – maybe it's contracting yourself with a real estate agency to take photos of houses for publication, or construction companies that would like to document their projects but don't have anyone with an eye for photos; heck, some of the most innovative photographers around here have come up with sites outside the studio where people can get more natural looking shops. You just need to think outside the box, and stop feeling sorry for yourself, kiddo.
2sure Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Yes, jobs are very hard to come by these days. But you have had 3 interviews which is better than a lot of people looking for work. Something got you those interviews, your resume, your experience, etc. It sounds like when you get to the interview itself you are sabotaging yourself. For example, you mention your previous experience in the mortgage industry so I assume at least one of the jobs was in a similar field...and you mention that because you are an artist, you didnt get the job. You may have come across as someone who thinks of herself as a professional artist who , just for the time being , needs a job she doesnt want.
flavius Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Why is it I suspect that this post is about the girl in the blue dress, but that she did not actually post it? Why does this seem like a dirty trick on somebody?
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