Miss Stress Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I'm curious to hear everyone's feedback. Yes, I'm trying to understand my own feelings. But I'd like to hear your thoughts. If the one you love promised exclusivity then had sex with someone else, what would upset you more? 1) The physical act of them having sex with someone else would infuriate me. That's all I could think about. 2) It's not so much the physical act. The betrayal of trust would hurt most. They lied. I hate liars. I don't think I could love them after that. 3) I'd feel like a fool for loving them. I'd be angry w/myself. I think feeling stupid would hurt most. 4) None of the above. What would hurt me the most is ...
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Number 2. Desire is natural. But if we commit to people the least we can do is do it honestly.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 it would the the betrayal of trust and lying first and then the thoughts that would fill my head of that partner with some one else.
MichiganMan222 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 If I was in love with them #1 If I wasn't, #2
Author Miss Stress Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 At the moment I'm stuck between 2 & 3. So far it seems we believe the most damage is in our minds. I just wonder if I didn't grow up here, in America, a country founded by Puritans, where it's been drilled n2 my head that if my man has sex w/another woman he doesn't love me, would I believe that? Would my heart still break? Would I care so much? I find America super uptight in alot of ways. Is fidelity really the be-all end-all of a relationship? Or is that just my perception?
OnceTrueLove Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Our relationship was built on trust. My wife has a messed up family and past, and recently she admitted to having a relationship with another man some years ago. It was the only time, he has children, etc...and she wasn't the only one. At first it was pure fury for me. After realizing that anger and hatred really don't benefit either party - it's truly the trust issue that is hard to overcome. I trust fully (maybe my fault), and would never do the same to her, but that is the hardest thing to overcome. The most bothersome part is that I feel like she was not just having a physical affair, but the emotional part and confiding in another hurts the most. One time, shame on you. Twice is no mistake - it's pattern.
samsungxoxo Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Both number 1 and 2.. Yes I would get sooo piss that he was capable of sharing something sooo intimate with someone else. It would mean he gave his all to the other person and not me, who he is suppost to be open to. Then the lying and betrayal, it would be over sooo fast...
Dexter Morgan Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I'm curious to hear everyone's feedback. Yes, I'm trying to understand my own feelings. But I'd like to hear your thoughts. If the one you love promised exclusivity then had sex with someone else, what would upset you more? 1) The physical act of them having sex with someone else would infuriate me. That's all I could think about. 2) It's not so much the physical act. The betrayal of trust would hurt most. They lied. I hate liars. I don't think I could love them after that. 3) I'd feel like a fool for loving them. I'd be angry w/myself. I think feeling stupid would hurt most. 4) None of the above. What would hurt me the most is ... All of the above...the physical act, the betrayal of trust, and feeling like a fool for loving such a wretched wench. but nothing that can't be cured with a well placed boot in the ass and an open door.
Peanut9330 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 1 & 2 I would be very upset at the phycial act but the betrayal of trust would hurt me more.
Javelin Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I'm curious to hear everyone's feedback. Yes, I'm trying to understand my own feelings. But I'd like to hear your thoughts. If the one you love promised exclusivity then had sex with someone else, what would upset you more? 1) The physical act of them having sex with someone else would infuriate me. That's all I could think about. 2) It's not so much the physical act. The betrayal of trust would hurt most. They lied. I hate liars. I don't think I could love them after that. 3) I'd feel like a fool for loving them. I'd be angry w/myself. I think feeling stupid would hurt most. All of them. Looking back at myself in May, I can clearly say that the pain seems to be tied to them all.
Dina2208 Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Number 1 and 2... I wouldn't want to picture my man having sex with someone else. That adds on to just that really sick stomach feeling you get. Why would you want to picture your man doing that with someone else, when it is ONLY supposed to be you he should be sharing that with! Of course, the betrayal part is the most hurtful because you put all your trust in him, and he goes and turns around and does something so disgusting, disrespectful against you. I would hate him for that!
Quest Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 If the one you love promised exclusivity then had sex with someone else, what would upset you more? 1) The physical act of them having sex with someone else would infuriate me. That's all I could think about. 2) It's not so much the physical act. The betrayal of trust would hurt most. They lied. I hate liars. I don't think I could love them after that. 3) I'd feel like a fool for loving them. I'd be angry w/myself. I think feeling stupid would hurt most. QUOTE] All of the above but perhaps 2 and 3 a bit more than 1. Someone doesn't have to have a full-on physical affair to betray your love, IMO.
vox Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I don't think I'd get angry, honestly. It's just sex, afterall. However, I'd be more concerned that my partner wasn't punishing himself too much or thinking badly on himself so I'd make sure he understood that while I'd prefer he be honest and tell me up front when he wants to have sex with someone else, I understand it's simply a part of human nature and just be safe.
MSUE Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 #1 I love my sex life and i find it very special and sacred...I have never felt so good about myself like I do with my BF...I walk around the house naked all the time LOL...because I cherish it so much the tought of him naked with someone else pleasuring someone else I just can't stand it...he is all mine...and that's the way I wanna keep it
MSUE Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I don't think I'd get angry, honestly. It's just sex, afterall. However, I'd be more concerned that my partner wasn't punishing himself too much or thinking badly on himself so I'd make sure he understood that while I'd prefer he be honest and tell me up front when he wants to have sex with someone else, I understand it's simply a part of human nature and just be safe. well kudos to you...that's pretty much an open R and I know for some people it works well but not me...no way...I could never share my man and his penis...Can't stand the thought of his hands, penis and body on someone else the thought itself makes me sick to my stomach
vox Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 well kudos to you...that's pretty much an open R and I know for some people it works well but not me...no way...I could never share my man and his penis...Can't stand the thought of his hands, penis and body on someone else the thought itself makes me sick to my stomach Yeah, I can totally respect that. For me, it makes me feel kinda the same way to try to enforce someone I see as an equal to behave like a slave/property. But, to each his/her own, right?
Adunaphel Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I'm curious to hear everyone's feedback. Yes, I'm trying to understand my own feelings. But I'd like to hear your thoughts. If the one you love promised exclusivity then had sex with someone else, what would upset you more? 1) The physical act of them having sex with someone else would infuriate me. That's all I could think about. 2) It's not so much the physical act. The betrayal of trust would hurt most. They lied. I hate liars. I don't think I could love them after that. 3) I'd feel like a fool for loving them. I'd be angry w/myself. I think feeling stupid would hurt most. 4) None of the above. What would hurt me the most is ... 1,2, and 4 1 - But it's not only the physical act...it's also all that comes before, and after. 2 - is probably what would hurt most. I think that perhaps I could forgive if he cheated and told me straight away. 3 - I'd not feel stupid, but I would feel enraged if I felt like I was treated like a stupid person by a lying partner... 4 - I'd feel hurt and enraged that I did all I could to avoid all kinds of ambiguous situations, avoided flirting, reduced contacts with some male friends, gave up a lot of other things for someone who cheated on me.
MSUE Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Yeah, I can totally respect that. For me, it makes me feel kinda the same way to try to enforce someone I see as an equal to behave like a slave/property. But, to each his/her own, right? whatever works ...that's the best way to put it...I respect your way as well...I'm still not sharing my man though LOL
Phateless Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I'm curious to hear everyone's feedback. Yes, I'm trying to understand my own feelings. But I'd like to hear your thoughts. If the one you love promised exclusivity then had sex with someone else, what would upset you more? 1) The physical act of them having sex with someone else would infuriate me. That's all I could think about. 2) It's not so much the physical act. The betrayal of trust would hurt most. They lied. I hate liars. I don't think I could love them after that. 3) I'd feel like a fool for loving them. I'd be angry w/myself. I think feeling stupid would hurt most. 4) None of the above. What would hurt me the most is ... The betrayal would hurt the most. If she cheated on me she would be gone, instantly.
rudeaims Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 It depends on if it was premeditated or not. If it was premeditated I would be most upset with 2. If it was a drunk one night oopsf*ckfest then I would be most upset with 1.
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