I hate myself. Does anyone else hate themselves too?

[Chibaby]

I feel like such an idiot. I went out with my husbands coworkers to a club last night while he stayed home. I think I was the most drunk person there, while everyone had about 3 beers, I had that, and brought a flask and drank half of the flask. I talked to one native american girl about how I respect her, and how my mentor was native, how i respect her cuture, and blah blah blah. I am worried that she thinks i am a huge idiot...it's a young crowd, that likes to party, but last night they were pretty tame, I feel so stupid. I mean, I didn't puke, and I could walk and everything, but I was saying stuff like, sorry I'm so drunk, you probably don't want to be friends with me anymore. Everyone was dancing all stupid, but I was saying the stupidest things, making me the idiot. FYI, go to this link....this is me last night, I am the far right in blue, and look sooo drunk so you can get the idea...

 

http://s82.photobucket.com/albums/j243/brandykahu/?action=view&current=DSCN1499.jpg

 

I was so drunk when I came home, my husband was really mad at me. I just moved to a new place, and don't have a lot of friends here, so I drink way too much and while I know I can stop, I use it as a crutch because I have social problems. I also can't get a job, and I drink when I'm bored. I am really shy, and drinking helps. I am also on antidepressents, but they obviously aren't helping.

 

My husband I think is so sick of me because I'm always home, and always really hard on myself. He can't stand the way I act, because I say things like, sorry I'm so ugly, fat, stupid, etc.... I'm not looking for sympathy, that's just how I feel. I guess deep down I know I'm not those things myself, but I feel like that is how everyone thinks of me. Does anyone else hate themseves and have this problem? If so, how do you fix it. I know step one is to stop drinking....but what comes next?

[Soul Bear]

You don't have to stop drinking. Just know your limits .....i speak from experience!!

 

As for your being hard on yourself-

IMO you are the best looking one out that whole group, and i have seen more meat on a butchers pencil, so throw that 'i'm fat' thing right out the window.

You obviously are not happy with who you are, so make the changes to become the best you can possibly be. For YOURSELF and no one else.

Once you feel more positive about life and know how to put a positive spin on things, it will make things a lot easier for you.

Anti-depresants don't help at all. They numb and imbalance. Only you yourself can fix your issues. The little pills just mask it so you don't have to deal with it- leaving you feeling as you are right now. IMO you need to muster the strength to fight for yourself, and you will always win if you are determined enough.

 

A good way to start bringing more positivity into your life, is do something different every day....like go and buy a mango and eat it, write 2 collums- one negative emotion and thought, one positive emotion and thought. Write down your negatives and try to find a way of turning them into a positive in the other collum.

 

Wake up at the same time every day for 2 weeks. Set an alarm and don't hit the snooze button.

Go to the gym, or go for a run and make it a routine.

 

Basicly you want to train yourself into a positive state. With that p[ositivity come MANY other things.....including happieness.

 

If you would like more help with this please let me know.

I'm not a qualified life coach by any means. (no **** Soul, I hear them say!!)

[Isolde]

If you think you look drunk you clearly haven't seen some of my sober photos.

[Soul Bear]

If you think you look drunk you clearly haven't seen some of my sober photos.

 

[Chibaby]

I guess the root of my problems is not drinking, it's more of a self confidence issue. I've had a really hard time adjusting to living in this community. I get bored, or shy, and drink to fit in. I feel great when I'm drunk, but sober I am really self concious, and worry that I am just the biggest retard around. It's stupid, but I am a really crazy person that has a hard time with making routines for myself. It's like I need someone to push me into it. I want to be regimented, but I feel like the only way I can have a routine is if I'm in boot camp and forced too. It always helps at first, but I try to make my plans stick, but it only last for two weeks or so...whether it's a diet or working out, I get a big jump start and then fizzle out. It's like I have ADD, but I'm too old for that. I just can't focus.

 

As far as a job goes, I just moved to a small, conservative community from a big city. I have had several interviews, but I must be doing something wrong. I'm an artist, and when I try to apply for jobs, they don't take me seriously, and even though I'm nearly 30, I've heard I'm too young and inexperienced, or too "creative minded" to work in a boring data based job. I think they like my resume on paper, but something about me is not hiring material.

 

I worked in mortgage for several years until I moved, but I feel like the artist thing turns people off when it comes to serious jobs. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I am also non-religious, which is a big deal around here, even though I know they are not supposed to hire based on faith, around here I've been asked that on several interviews. But what am I gonna do, sue? Please I'm broke. I am also ethnic, and I think that plays a part, they like locals that fit into a certain profile. I am just myself though, and I'm not going to lie or play a part to get a job. I'm smart, presentable, and I've got a great work ethic. I am starting to think it's not the economy, it's me. I've got a double bachelors degree in photography and history, as well as an AA in design. I had a really important big deal job back in the big city but here I'm just sh*t. It's all about networking here, and I don't know anyone. It sucks.

[on_point]

come on now.. getting drunk is supposed to be fun, and somewhat idiotic.. that's almost the whole point, to do things you wouldn't normally do.. to let loose every once in a while.. the co workers probably aren't even thinking twice about the way you acted.

 

your thinking is self centered, me me me me me.. trust me none of us are THAT important to where EVERY social interaction is centered around "me".. although, it does feel like that at times, its just not true.. get over it.

 

moving is tough.. and adjustment is NORMAL! sounds like you have too much idle time you don't know what to do with.. keep yourself busy!! stagnation can be hell

 

plenty of women have similar self esteem issues as you.. i think your husband should be working on those with you. he's your support, he needs to man up and affirm to you that you are lovely, beautiful, and desired. However, he can only do so much, you yourself need to believe it.

[Meaplus3]

I guess the root of my problems is not drinking, it's more of a self confidence issue..

 

I had the same problem when it came to drinking. I felt as though I often drank because I was not happy with myself. Had some childhood memories that haunted me as well as issues with an emotionally abusive marriage which further sunk my sense of self to the ground.

 

I drank to ease the pain of these situations. That was up until 15 months ago, when I came to realize once and for all that drinking was not the answer and my problems where still there the next morning. I have been sober for 15 months and have never felt better. I made the decesion to remove drinking from my life and have seen the rewards of that choice. All I can tell you is, if you think it's becoming an issue for you than it probably is. And when you are ready you too can make the choice to stop. Either on your own, or with all the support that's out there. I wish you the best of luck. If you ever need support feel free to PM me.

 

Mea:)