BigBubbs Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 My ex refused to argue and when pushed would basically say take it or leave it. I always took it for the one+ year relationship. Finally a few weeks ago I didn't take the threat and we ultimately hung up the phone and 4 days of no contact later she breaks up with me. I know she was expecting me to go make it and right but I couldn't. I fealt powerless in the relation and that I was always doing the relationship work. Anyways I wrote her a letter basically telling her that I loved her but couldn't continue trying to win her back and if she wanted a relationship where we could discuss things to let me know. That was a couple of days ago. She is a 39 year old mother of 2 teenagers and has come out of several abusive relationships. She avoids conflict and retreats into herself. She also has said she doesn't want to end up alone. I have found out she is already on a dating website and is obviously back in the market. My issue are that I do love her and think she is lost and not able to figure out how to make it right again. I don't want to give up on her as I feel she is a wonderful person, but she has such low self esteem that she's going to hook on with another person who will treat her badly. I also very much care about her two kids that I became attached to. What do I do? I'm almost sure if I go NC then she is gone forever and that breaks my heart.
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 NC. It's not worth it. You will sacrifice your integrity every time you argue out of fear. That's irrational.
DustySaltus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 It seems like she checked out of the relationship a while ago, like so many other stories on here. She's on dating websites already? Wonderful people don't do stuff like that. Sili, look likes she's another runner....runs away from conflict. Stay NC, its not your job to save her from herself, it's hers.
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 It seems like she checked out of the relationship a while ago, like so many other stories on here. She's on dating websites already? Wonderful people don't do stuff like that. Sili, look likes she's another runner....runs away from conflict. Stay NC, its not your job to save her from herself, it's hers. Exactly. Alot of people nowadays are runners. IDK what the problem is, but I see it all the time. It's crazy. Dusty, we should be come experts on the topic. It's crazy and senseless!
DustySaltus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 We have definetly been working overtime today. I say let them run, i'm tired.
patcha Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 i agree with dusty and sil on this one. they make sense. i don't think this lady is ready to be in a relationship with you yet. you can be her friend though, if you want. and also, you can still be a caring adult figure in the kids' live w/o having to date their mom. it's entirely your choice. but being in a relationship with her right now? definitely NO. if she changes, then maybe. when you go back into a relationship with her w/o her changing or trying to compromise with you, you're just basically telling her you're ok with it with your actions.
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