Island Girl Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Then why the pouting when I go do other things???? And don't say "doesn't matter"! LOL He still likes the attention and he liked the option of having you available when he wanted. His comments aren't pouting. He is just taking a "joking" approach to find out if you're out with other men - not on his jock anymore - still stuck on him, etc. Why did you rearrange your life and become a devoted doormat for a FWB in the first place? -- Really, you should never do that with any man or anyone else for that matter. BUT ESPECIALLY a man -- and then not eve one you are committed to? That is just crazy. And I do mean that in the best way possible - not as a jab - I hope you learned from this. At 36 you should already know that men become part of your lives just like you become part of theirs. And the priority is directly reflected in the amount of commitment you are both willing to offer up. Less commitment - less time and effort - more commitment - more time and effort on BOTH sides. If you aren't getting attention then you don't shower it on them either. If they see you occasionally - you see them only occasionally and LIVE YOUR LIFE. Sometimes that means you will have other plans when he wants to see you. OH WELL. Your time and effort are too valuable for you to just throw at someone who hasn't shown they appreciate it.
Author runnergal Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 I TOTALLY agree with you Islandgirl! I know that I made some mistakes in this whole situation that I wish I could retract, but I can't. So what I have to do now is set my boundaries and stick with them. I did tell him the other day that when he doesn't respond to my texts, emails, etc. that I felt disrespected and I INSIST on disrespect. Ever since then, he has been messaging me and responding to EVERY response I've sent to him! I've actually only sent him 1 msg per 3 that he sends me. And, btw peeps, I met a really nice guy Saturday night out with friends. He's already sent me a message on facebook, it was a brief meeting Saturday night. We have mutual friends who are couples. So he said it would be nice for all of us to hang out soon. :-) We'll see!!!! Not getting my hopes up, just going with the flow because that's how I roll now!
You'reasian Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I would LOVE to see him face to face!!! But I can't never seem to get him here or with me. If I said, "Let's meet for drinks after work?"...he'd probably come up with some lame excuse not to meet. Point is....I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when I talk to him. I guess it's just easier to say what I have to say on instant messaging because I can "hide behind the phone". I know that we need to meet face to face and discuss these issues. But how do I get him here on those terms and what do I say??? Help me out peeps!! :-( I don't think he's that into you and you're too shy too communicate with him face to face. Its not likely to work out, but who knows?
Author runnergal Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 It's not that I'm too shy to communicate with him face to face...I think it's more of FEAR!! LOL Every time I've talked to him face to face about the "relationship", he goes into his "man cave". So I'm in fear that if I talk to him again, he will just go there again and maybe permanently. :-( I'm not shy AT ALL!! He's more shy than I am! LOL He started the whole "distancing and pulling away" the first time I brought it up. I know now that I shouldn't have brought it up soooo sooooon. If I only I could rewind time! HA! Ok...so say we have a talk face to face...how do I bring it up and what do I say?? Give me play by play peeps! You all don't know how much you're helping me!!! BTW...I want to clarify, not making excuses for him either, he has had alot going on...his daughter has been in the hospital, work has been crazy and he's been out of town alot from the moment we started dating.
Island Girl Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 You had a FWB right? Then how did it transition to you dating? BTW - you don't talk to him about the relationship. If he has something he feels the need to discuss then he needs to bring it up. You just keep living your life and doing whatever you feel like doing. Try to remember that should be your lifestyle not changeable at the drop of a hat either. If he throws barbs out there about you going out and is fishing - don't react the way you have been. Don't make a big deal about it or EXPLAIN yourself. Just glide past it. "Yeah yeah -- that's exactly what I did. So, anyway, what have you been up to?" or "So what are you, my stalker now? (laugh)". It isn't worth giving any kind of real answer or effort. Just don't buy in. And the New Guy sounds like he may be a great NEW start. I'd shift my thought to him and just not get in that desperate and clingy place. (that is NEVER attractive in male or female form -- UGH!)
Author runnergal Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Hi Islandgirl, We were dating, then things got hectic with him and his job, daughter, etc..he started "pulling away"...and we just kind of became FWB instead of dating...but I have recently, the past few weeks, put a halt on that! We haven't done anything, even though he's attempted to meet, I've turned him down. A little "chase" I would say. ;-) But, as far as him "fishing" for what I'm doing, I've always done what you've said. I've just responded with really "short" answers WITHOUT explanation. For instance when he asked me if I had gotten my drink on last week, I just responded with "yea" and that was it. I may have been stupid in the beginning of all this, but not now. Whatever happens, happens. And yea, the new guy may be promising!! :-)
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