caseinpoint Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 That means she's into playing games. If you don't expect to pay, then don't offer to pay. I mean, what kind of bullsh*t is that? Would you offer someone a ride with the expectation that they would say no and take the bus? Would offer to help a friend with his school assignment expecting him to hire a private tutor instead? So how is this any different? It seems like you want to have your cake and eat it too (not pun intended). You want the guy to take you out and pay for you while at the same time appearing like a modern, independent woman who is perfectly willing to pay her share. Do guys play games too? If they offer to pay and tell you to get the next, does he really mean it?
Johnny M Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) Do guys play games too? If they offer to pay and tell you to get the next, does he really mean it? Yes, there are men who play games with the whole "who pays for dinner" thing too. Some guys insist on paying for dinner because they want you to feel like you owe them something...in effect, they think that they are "buying" you. For some [very insecure] men it's also a way to reaffirm their masculinity (i.e. "look at me, I paid for my date's dinner - I'm a real man!"). Needless to say, a normal woman would probably want to stay away from these types of men. However, when a guy offers to pick up the tab and tells you to get the next, it's entirely possible that he's just being polite and wants to avoid the awkward situation of splitting the bill, deciding how much to tip, etc...That's what makes dating so confusing and frustrating at times: some people are genuine and others are playing games, and it's up to you to figure out what's going on. But as a general rule, I would say that if a guy is overly insistent on paying for you, alarm bells should start ringing. Edited October 13, 2009 by Johnny M
clv0116 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Men: Do you not even want her to offer? It seems discourteous to me not even to offer. I go for the wallet, and then he says he's got it. I've never just sat there and smiled without even offering to pitch in. I don't care, I'm happy to pay, but if you REALLY want to pay half tell the server we want separate checks when we order. I just don't like a lot of adolescent fumbling.
prettybaby Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I don't like men to rely on money to impress me. I'm not trying to get to know their wallet. Take away the wallet and they have to show you how they are rather than what they earn. I pay for my meals. Esp, the first date. I'm more likely to let a guy I'm fed up with buy my meal as a$^*le tax. Just consider it "the last supper". wow I don't see how a guy insisting to offer you dinner would substitute the overall communication and chemistry during the date itself, and I don't know any guy who thinks that way. I usually offer to pay, but if the guy really insists on paying, I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. After all, a lot of people are still old fashioned when it comes to dating, and the whole paying protocol has its meanings to many people, regardless of whether you personally think that way or not. Even after one year of dating, my boyfriend still insists on paying most of the time. I figured we'd be going 50/50 by now, but he still looks at it as him taking me out, and treating me to dinner. There's really no point causing tensions over this, if it makes him feel good. I can always pay him back in other ways, buy him something else outside of dinner, etc. It's not that big of a deal, really.
MissHollywood Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Is it possible to gauge a guy's interest by whether he pays or not? How reliable is this indication?
WTRanger Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Is it possible to gauge a guy's interest by whether he pays or not? How reliable is this indication? This isn't very reliable. I think it more depends on what happens at dinner, and not who pays. So you're telling me that if the guy was completely silent all dinner and give one word and very terse answers, yet he pays the bill, you'd think he was interested? For me as a guy, paying the bill is just something that is imprinted in me. If the guy takes you to the most expensive place in the town, is very flashy about his platinum or black Amex, then he's probably paying for future expectations. If its just a classy or even fast food joint, he's just doing what his guy genes are telling him to do.
Els Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Uh, frankly, where I live, a guy would seldom even get a second date if he didn't at least offer to pay. Most guys insist, in fact. I've long ceased to question the whys and hows of that.
Johnny M Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Uh, frankly, where I live, a guy would seldom even get a second date if he didn't at least offer to pay. Most guys insist, in fact. I've long ceased to question the whys and hows of that. Out of curiosity, where do you live?
clv0116 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Southeast Asia. On the other hand, a really nice date isn't super expensive there last time I checked, so maybe the situation is different?
Johnny M Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Southeast Asia. Well, that certainly explains it
Els Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Well, it's not expensive to tourists, of course. To people who work in the country, however, the ratio between a nice date and one's monthly paycheck would probably still be the same.
clv0116 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Well, it's not expensive to tourists, of course. To people who work in the country, however, the ratio between a nice date and one's monthly paycheck would probably still be the same. Good point. Here a decent date will cost about what I earn in 1-2 hours, in SEA last time I was there, a nice date was less than most people in America pay for a coffee. A really really nice meal at a resort there was around $20 (US) and that was the most expensive place in town.
trueblue72ny Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 as a guy, i never really thought who pays the bill means anything. i have been on a few dates with a new girl recently. i dont sit there and think omg i have to do this, or she might think that, or whatever. we go out and just split it. its no big deal. i dont count who owes what down to the penny, i just say ok , looks good, and we just split it. usually hers seems to be a little more than mine, but i really do not care. we put half on each our debit cards, split the tip and we are out the door. ive got more important things to think about with my new date like how to make her laugh :-) if we get more serious down the road than i will start picking up the tab here and there. i personally would most likely steer clear of a woman who expects me to pick it up everytime just because
Els Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Yeah, a really nice meal here would probably cost around 30usd per person as well. However, when you convert that to our currency, it's 100 bucks. Still, it's more the culture than the price, though, I think. Relationships tend to be more 'traditional' here.
clv0116 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Still, it's more the culture than the price, though, I think. Relationships tend to be more 'traditional' here. I agree, my GF is originally from that region and the traditional views she grew up with made her a pretty hot item here. But I got her.
the beholder Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I'm not sure if who insits to pay has anything to do with how interested someone is. Men tend to pay the bill more often but its not relative.
MissHollywood Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 As for my first date tendencies, I think the person who asked the other one out should pay, and the recipient should at least offer to do so... I just got that last night. I feels so incredibly good... Especially in contrast to the experiences involving the last person... I insisted on paying and as she protested, I told her the second date's on her, which made her smile and agree as she realized that yes I do want a second date with her... I've got that before, about me paying for the second date. But I couldn't gauge whether the guy just didn't want to fumble with the dollar notes or he really wanted to see me again. Is there a way to tell?
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