bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Look, if the guy doesn't pay, for any reason - it's not a date. Agreed. In fact, I know some women (yes, myself included) who will ask to help pay..when there is no connection on a date. Out of guilt I suppose.
caramel c Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 The guy pays on a first date. I will offer to pay tip or something else along the way but I've never had a guy actually take it, and its just an offer - I won't insist. That is the case no matter if I'm still interested in him or not during that date. I don't get the whole idea about that, being indebted to a guy just because he paid for a meal or a drink or whatever have you. If he didn't want to do it, he wouldn't have invited me. If I'm not interested at the end of it all, then I don't feel like I owe him something just because he paid.
alphamale Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 i like to pay fully during the initial courtship phase. it gives me a feeling of providing along with power and dominance. god help any woman thats going to take that away from me
kizik Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Agreed. In fact, I know some women (yes, myself included) who will ask to help pay..when there is no connection on a date. Out of guilt I suppose. I'll buy you a beer on Sept. 4th.
sally4sara Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 i like to pay fully during the initial courtship phase. it gives me a feeling of power and dominance. god help any woman thats going to take that away from me Try actually doing something that can be considered an accomplishment and you won't need women to play broke and needy for you. Obviously your power and dominance is easy to take from you. All it takes if for some woman to buy her own meal. I hope you realize that means your feeling is an illusion. Going dutch is for the initial courtship, after it becomes real and serious it will be likely that both incomes end up in one account. Making sure both people have the same financial style in initial courting ensures you can comfortably merge your money with less risk. Then the meals get bought out of a joined account.
bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I'll buy you a beer on Sept. 4th. I'd hate to break YOUR bank :p:p. Agreed.
kizik Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I'd hate to break YOUR bank. It's not difficult. I got about a hundred bucks to my name. Luckily the bar is paying me
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 If she asks me out, she pays (though I'll offer to pay my share). If I ask her out, I'll pay. If we decide together, we may go Dutch but I'll ensure that I've got enough $$ on me to pay the tab. And no, there's absolutely no connection between whether I am paying for the evening or not to any expectation of intimacy later. If it happens, great, but paying for a date isn't a quid pro quo.
kizik Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 If she asks me out, she pays (though I'll offer to pay my share). Thadd, big pimpin!!
Enema Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Do you foot the bill or insist on it when you're interested in the woman? - Would probably pay for first date regardless of interest. If she offers to go Dutch, do you accept only when you're not interested? - Would always accept. If she doesn't offer, do you assume she's interested or not? - I don't assume she's not interested. I just identify that she's not the type of person I am interested in.
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Thadd, big pimpin!! Well, it's not something that happens every day, I'm afraid. But, once in a while...
sally4sara Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 If she asks me out, she pays (though I'll offer to pay my share). If I ask her out, I'll pay. If we decide together, we may go Dutch but I'll ensure that I've got enough $$ on me to pay the tab. And no, there's absolutely no connection between whether I am paying for the evening or not to any expectation of intimacy later. If it happens, great, but paying for a date isn't a quid pro quo. This is a very attractive mindset. It would tell me that the unearned bravado of paying for someone else's meal wasn't on my date's mind and therefore, wouldn't need to be on mine either. I would also feel more relaxed around a person who doesn't cater to old, tired traditions or gender rigidity. It is the mindset of a man who won't think of my capability as a challenge. We could move on to more interesting topics.
MadDriver Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 If she asks me out, she pays (though I'll offer to pay my share). If I ask her out, I'll pay. If we decide together, we may go Dutch but I'll ensure that I've got enough $$ on me to pay the tab. And no, there's absolutely no connection between whether I am paying for the evening or not to any expectation of intimacy later. If it happens, great, but paying for a date isn't a quid pro quo. The type of women I date would call you a cheapskate. But that's because I date golddiggers. I always pay, regardless of circumstances. I didn't use to think this way (PUA's aren't supposed to pay), but I've learned that throwing money around, sometimes in wasteful ways, is a very potent signal that females are unconsciouly tuned to. Golddiggers are just more aware of their wiring and using it to their advantage.
alphamale Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 If she asks me out, she pays (though I'll offer to pay my share). and how often does a woman ask a man out? rarely
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 and how often does a woman ask a man out? rarelyTo be sure, it doesn't happen often (at least not with me) but once in a while the stars align.
carhill Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 A trifecta would be getting asked out, her paying, and riding the human sybian for the win. I'd be like the proverbial salmon. Spawn and die Seriously, I can't think of one woman whom I've ever been 'interested in' and which date I haven't paid for. Well, one, but we're friends and switch off. Gotta keep those boundaries
alphamale Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 if a girl insists on paying during the first few dates then she is most likely not interested in the dude.
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 if a girl insists on paying during the first few dates then she is most likely not interested in the dude. I disagree, she could also have the sense of mind to realize this archaic, antiquated system of dating is not a fair one. It's not fair for the man that has to pay everything just because he has a penis, and it's not fair to the woman that has to feel like she's being compensated for her company. It's tacky, and there's no reason to keep perpetuating it.
caramel c Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I disagree, she could also have the sense of mind to realize this archaic, antiquated system of dating is not a fair one. It's not fair for the man that has to pay everything just because he has a penis, and it's not fair to the woman that has to feel like she's being compensated for her company. It's tacky, and there's no reason to keep perpetuating it. They might as well wear dresses then lol why shouldn't they? Just cause they have penises?
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 They might as well wear dresses then lol why shouldn't they? Just cause they have penises? I have no idea what you just said, but I'd like the ten seconds of my life back that I just spent trying to decipher it.
caramel c Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I have no idea what you just said, but I'd like the ten seconds of my life back that I just spent trying to decipher it. I am too busy laughing to explain. Never mind.
Author redhighheels Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 if a girl insists on paying during the first few dates then she is most likely not interested in the dude. I agree. I always insist on paying only when I'm positive I don't want to see the guy again or I'm lukewarm about him, I feel it can go either way, but I don't want to feel like I owe him anything in case it doesn't work out.
Author redhighheels Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Do you foot the bill or insist on it when you're interested in the woman? - Would probably pay for first date regardless of interest. If she offers to go Dutch, do you accept only when you're not interested? - Would always accept. If she doesn't offer, do you assume she's interested or not? - I don't assume she's not interested. I just identify that she's not the type of person I am interested in. So you'd pay for the first date, but wouldn't see her again if she didn't at least offer yet if she offered, you'd accept. I think a lot of men share your opinion, but here's what I don't get.. What if she is interested and she does offer to pay, but doesn't really expect the man to accept, and at the same time she doesn't want to come across as a golddigger by not offering? What then? Although, for the record, I don't find the term appropriate in this context because to me golddigging isn't about a couple of drinks or a 20$ dinner.
Author redhighheels Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Actually I think if she wants to go Dutch it can mean one of several things: 1. She doesn't want their to be any "expectations" (ie: You pay for dinner, you score). 2. She isn't interested. 3. She's checking to see if I will offer to pay first and then, if I do, she can choose to accept or not. 4. She's generally not interested in me. I am a chivalrous guy, but if she insists on going Dutch then so be it. I'm not going to fight her on a first date just to prove a point. That's a good post that sheds some light on the matter from the men's perspective. Off-topic ..You're freakin' gorgeous I just had to say it!
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 So you'd pay for the first date, but wouldn't see her again if she didn't at least offer yet if she offered, you'd accept. I think a lot of men share your opinion, but here's what I don't get.. What if she is interested and she does offer to pay, but doesn't really expect the man to accept, and at the same time she doesn't want to come across as a golddigger by not offering? What then? Although, for the record, I don't find the term appropriate in this context because to me golddigging isn't about a couple of drinks or a 20$ dinner. That's easy. Don't offer if you're not really interested in following through.
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