*i stupidly had sex with my ex.. Now treats me like crap & doesn't want me

[Charmaine_Champagne]

OB that is pretty cool that u can sorta relate to what i've been doing. i know my behavior has not been normal for me but i have been doing it to please him, to try to win him round and i know how pathetic that is.. so when you cut your ex from your life did u ever hear from or see him after that? and do you feel that now you are completely over him?

 

i know i haven't been looking at my ex's behavior rationally and i keep making excuses for the bad things he has done, even blaming myself at times when i look back.

 

i just want my ex to realize what he has lost and see me as more than just a sexual object. i know he fancies me and finds me attractive and i do believe that deep down he still has feelings. i just can't switch off because of this faint hope!!!

 

even my friends and family (who despise my ex at this point) unwittingly have given me false hope by saying things like "he will come running back" or "he will get bored of this when the novelty wears off, it's just a phase and then he will think he can just pick up where he left off with you" etc.

 

They think he wants me hanging around so he can pick me up whenever he feels like it. Tho at the same time they have also strictly said that it doesn't matter if he does come back to me, they want me nowhere near him.

 

my mom has said she doesn't care if he stands naked on our front lawn declaring his undying love for me i won't be anywhere near him ever again if she has anything to do with it. but i still have this false hope he will snap out of this crazy behavior and realize what he has lost.

 

and because he keeps giving me mixed messages of one minute "i love you still" and the next "i just want sex" i have had this crazy idea that i should tell him how i feel, i want him to know that it is more than just sex for me. because he asked me about this before and i think why would he ask that if he didn't have feelings himself?

 

but do you think if i tell him it will just feed his ego and give him more power over me? or would it make him think deeper about his actions and about us if he knew how i felt? even tho i haven't told him do you think he knows how i feel for the fact that i've let him treat me like crap and i still talk to him probably gives it away? and do you think people can ever change and revert back to how they were?

 

i think i already know it probably would be stupid to tell him i still love him, but it's like this burning desire i have to tell him to get it off my chest, that i feel i need to say it.

 

i should point out i haven't heard from him since sunday at this point when he wanted me to meet him, and i feel he will prob just pick someone else up and forget about me & that i won't hear from him again.

 

i just wanna tell him how i feel to put the ball in his court and even as i write that i KNOW it would be sooo wrong, i just need people to convince me not to do it and tell me why cuz while i know it would feed his ego i have this faint hope that it might convince him that he also feels the same. it's crazy i know

 

 

 

??

[Charmaine_Champagne]

here's another sad part of this story i want to share:

 

there was actually one point last week before i initiated NC when he asked to meet me and i was travelling home in a taxi cab at the time. it was like after 3am, i'd been out that night and i'd had afew drinks so prob was quite drunk!

 

i actually got out of the taxi before it got to where i live and walked through quite a dodgy area so he could pick me up (i couldn't let him pick me up at my house as my family would see) so he kept texting asking if i wanted picked up but then my friend rang me to see had i got home ok so my cell was engaged meaning i wasn't able to read my ex's msgs!

 

this obv made him impatient because then when i hung up on my friend i got all these texts from my ex saying ''do you want picked up or not?'' and ''i'm at home now, don't wanna meet anymore'' and when i told him i was alone at 3am in the street and not near my house could he please come and get me he said ''no i'm in bed, i don't wanna meet you anymore, forget about me'' so i walked on home. then around 4am he texts me asking ''did u get home ok?''

 

the next day he text me again saying he doesn't want to meet me again and that he has a gf so i implimented NC right away. i woke up and realized me jumping out of taxi so he could come get me was crazy behavior and completely not rational (even if i was drunk) but still i'm normally a sensible person.

 

so anyhow i went NC and posted on here. BUT after telling me he didn't want to see me ever again and i went NC, after this on thursday, friday, sat and sunday he texted me on each of the days wanting to meet me... WHY?

 

is it just because he knows he can because i let him? that he thinks he can tell me to F**k off one minute and i'll let him pick me up the next? it just seems like a really cruel game to make a fool out of me and i was stupidly letting him. what do you think? is it a control game? or am i just a back up plan, basically he is treating me like a 2 bit hooker? what do u guys think? then whenever i went NC he wants me back to play his little game?

 

i rang him last week and he kept cutting off my call telling me to go away. then when i went away he texted and said ''can't talk but you can text me if you want" ? is he just loving all of this?!

 

then all of mon, tues and so far today i have heard nothing from him, yet all of last weekend he was pimping my phone asking where i was and wanting to meet me? now he has just vanished again. i know i shouldn't tolerate this but i think because we were together so long and then he just changed in such a short space of time i've been putting up with this awful behavior in the vain hope that he will change back and will want me back as a gf. but is it just a game to him or is he stringing me along as some kind of sick thrill he gets from it? i know i was stupidly letting him hurt me so i am partly to blame. do you think he must know i still have feelings for him because he can see i've been letting him treat me this way??

 

help

[Charmaine_Champagne]

sometimes i just feel like sending him a msg saying how i feel, like f**k it, i've already lost my self respect now anyway

[silic0ntoad]

Well, let me put this plainly.

 

1. You are reading too much into his actions. HE ONLY WANTS SEX.

2. You are buying into his game.

3. You need to impliment STRICT NC.

4. The game is dangerous. The dude is a total D-Bag. He is a BAD GUY. You could have plenty of good MEN who treat you well. STD's, stalking, etc. ALL BAD.

 

Look, I know you say you love him, and want him to change. But You HAVE to start healing. Block his number. Do whatever you need.

[caramel c]

Run as fast as you can from this guy, like now. Deal with the pain of this loss instead of dealing with the BS you are currently in. It's a much healthier scenario.

[Kamille]

Charmaine, I really feel for you. I wish there was a way you could remember how good it feels to be balanced and well. And I hope you realize that you will be balanced and well again. you just need to make the right decisions for yourself. Writing here seems to help you gain persective on your actions, so please continue to do so. And please try to act on the many tidbits of good advice that you receive. Namely, have you followed up on our suggestion that you speak to a therapist about all this?

 

 

About the "Can't talk but you can text": it likely means he was with this reported new girlfriend.

 

 

 

but do you think if i tell him it will just feed his ego and give him more power over me? or would it make him think deeper about his actions and about us if he knew how i felt? even tho i haven't told him do you think he knows how i feel for the fact that i've let him treat me like crap and i still talk to him probably gives it away? and do you think people can ever change and revert back to how they were?

 

i think i already know it probably would be stupid to tell him i still love him, but it's like this burning desire i have to tell him to get it off my chest, that i feel i need to say it.

 

 

You've wondered about telling him how you feel in the past... I have to admit I'm ambivalent about it. On the one hand, I think it's a good idea if you manage to do it for yourself: there is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table as long as you do it to regain your dignity. The way things are going now, you're doing a lot of dangerous things (emotionally and physically) and seem to be careening out of control. so if telling him how you feel will bring you peace of mind, then, by all means, do it.

 

What I worry about, if you tell him, is that you would tell him not to regain balance, but in the hopes that he will smarten up or even get back together with you. "think deeper about his action and about us" is how you phrased it.

 

You shouldn't tell him how you feel in the hopes of acheiving some perticular outcome from him. It should have become clear by now that you cannot 'provoke' thoughts in him (be it by sleeping with him, etc). You should only tell him how the whole thing makes you feel for your own well-being. to put your cards on the table and then opt our of this dangerous game you're playing. You are the one who is going to have to stand up for yourself. You are going to have to end this non-sense.

 

So if you are going to tell him how you feel, make sure you feel strong. Here is what I would do (and have done in the past):

 

"You know I love you and that is precisely why I need some time away from you so that I can heal. I wish you all the best. You know how I feel about you, so if after some deep soul searching you become asbolutely convinced that you want to give us a second chance and are serious about working on our relationship, then you may get in touch with me. Otherwise, I don't want to hear from you because it only hurts me."

[Charmaine_Champagne]

thank u for your responses. sometimes i come on here and completely over-analyze and post question after question. i know this can be annoying for you guys but writing extensively like this does help me gain perspective and lay out my thoughts, clear my head and just get things straight. i know i am way too deep into his game right now and i know it is dangerous. i've been acting out of character.

 

i want to lay my cards on the table and tell him how i feel. that i still love him and therefore don't want to just have sex with him anymore. but i would rather meet him one last time to do this rather than send a text message. i know i will look back on this once i am better and feel regret and shame at how i have let him treat me and how i have behaved. i've been letting him play me and it almost became quite addictive in a way. i guess no matter what i do if he decides to change it will be regardless of my actions or anything else i say.

 

he obv knows he can manipulate me but do you think he knows is still love him?

 

he just thinks i'm a fool and his ego must be absolutely massive right now. i haven't heard from him since sunday so no doubt he has someone else on the go right now and will contact me when he decides to pick me up again. my friends think he is just so unpredictable that he is actually capable of anything, one of them actually suggested he could kill me or something and said i shouldn't trust him or get into his car again. i know he is a bad guy, he is bad for me emotionally. but there is also the physical danger of the sex aswell healthwise with STDs etc

[Gemini09]

 

 

 

my friends think he is just so unpredictable that he is actually capable of anything, one of them actually suggested he could kill me or something and said i shouldn't trust him or get into his car again.

 

 

He may or may not be that type of person, but honestly I was thinking something similar to what your friends said. Well, the comment about him being unpredictable and not trusting him.

 

The guy reminds me of one of these possible psychotic boyfriends or husbands who screw around on their partner, abuse them emotionally and physically(not that your ex has physically abused you). They don't really care about you, but they want to control you...still want you in their life for some reason or another, while they are able to mess around with other women and whatever else.

 

Also, the fact that he has seemed to completely changed as a person, that is typical of these types of people. It's like for instance, you marry this so called perfect guy, and after a while they totally change once they know they have got you around their finger......then they turn into a total jerk.

 

I could be wrong but he sounds horrible, and I hope you are able to let this go, and not contact him again. I know its been 6 years, so its very hard, but people do change, and I don't think he is going to go back to like he was. Even if he did, I would fear he would start treating you poorly again. If he does it once, he can do it again.

[Ash_fiasco]

well tell ya one thing i m a guy with a little experience not like wht u had 6 years...well jst remember one thing....when love comes to an end...dn what's needed is jst xcuses...to give it an end... my gf left me leaving me alone depressed widout any reason...well things happen even much worse with people bt the thing is dat u cannot live like dat...coz i knw it stinks and maybe in your case it's maybe u feel it even more...bt jst have some control over ur mind and try to live a new day with full energy and confidence;)

[Charmaine_Champagne]

wow seems like so long ago i posted this thread. i wish i had never let it get as far as this. reading back through these posts it was so clear his behavior towards me was wrong but i didn't want to believe it. i knew he was using and abusing me but i thought since we were together so long that he couldn't possibly not still have feelings for me. how wrong i was. i was seeing things totally out of clear perspective, living in hope that if i slept with him he would want me back, turns out i just got even more hurt. i learnt the hard way.

[Surfer Girl]

Sometimes we just have to say.... I need more respect... I am better than that... tough love... When you have respect for yourself.... you won't go down that path again.....

[SpanksTheMonkey]

''i don't want a relationship but i'll meet u to empty my balls now and then'' !!!

 

tho he actually showed me the artwork and smiled and then pretended to break it over his knee! he has said things to me like

 

''we should go back out again.. actually no i don't have time for a girlfriend'' and texting me things like "i love you" to then telling me "actually no i don't give a f**k about you''

WHY?!

 

 

what is your advice?why does he behave so strangely?

 

what should i do?

Its not strange hes a douche bag and hes manipulating you because he can simple as that! I know its hard dropping him out of your life but really how hard can it be compared to hearing stuff like this from some one who's suppose to love you?

 

This is not love this is mind games leave the loser send him one text saying how you have come to your senses and will no longer tolerate his mind games or blatant disrespect.

 

Also tell him he will have to "empty his balls" else wheres from now on then stick to it for Christ sake girl you don't deserve that no one dose!

[Charmaine_Champagne]

i realise that now, i posted this thread afew weeks ago when i was at at very weak point. i've come back now and am reading it and just cringe at how much i tolerated and how i let him abuse me so heartlessly. it was just hard that someone i loved for 6 years and who adored me could change like that and treat me so badly. but here i am afew weeks later and i have accepted it. i am better than that. i've cut him out and i am back to NC. i'm just back reading this again thinking, how could i have let him do this, why did i behave so out of character like this and how could i tolereate him using me so cruelly.

i am in a better place now thought and just want to move on and try to forget this. NC is the only way. it's hard for me to read this now weeks later. it makes me sad that i reached such a low point. but i am finally moving on

[Unistudent]

Hey CC,

 

Congrats on finding yourself again. This guy really seemed like a peice of crap.

 

Some guys like to keep a hook in their X's and they get a power trip from that. It is a control thing... maybe because things weren't going well for him in his life he tried... and got... control of your life in one way or another. He obv has some issues and I am so glad that you are away from him now. I think he enjoyed toying with your mind by telling you he loved you sometimes and then taking it back and saying something really rude.

 

Either way you are free of all that and that HAS to feel good.

 

Goodluck to you. I hope you find someone that treats you like a queen.