stablesong Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Three months ago, I was expecting this to last for a very long time. Maintaining NC, spending a few weeks analysing what I did wrong and what she did wrong, and exercising discipline in how much I allow myself to think about her has got me to the best place I've been in yet. I really am beginning to feel my feelings for her fizzle out. It's still a delicate situation, and I could potentially ruin it for myself by getting in contact with her, looking her up online, watching old videos of us together, etc., but the longer I hold out against those things, the easier each day gets. I'm jetting off to the USA tomorrow, so that should take my mind off a lot of things too. This forum has totally helped me to get to what feels like the final stages. I won't celebrate just yet, but I can tell you that I didn't see any kind of relief in sight two months ago. Every day was a tear-filled, waking nightmare. All the advice I can muster is that you should have nothing to do with them whilst you get past it all. Not even pictures, songs or memories. Quash them. I still get bad thoughts creeping in every now and then, but I just recognise them, and force myself into thinking about something else. They do eventually relent. Occasionally a particularly bad one will hit me, and I'll give myself 5 minutes to talk it out with myself in my head - based on the analysis I did earlier in the recovery - and then move on with my day once I find a relative peace with it. If you're coping/recovering, hold on. I seriously didn't think I would be writing one of these 'you do feel better eventually' posts. But yeah, I think creating some easy-access bullet points in your head, in terms of analysis, helps. I've got like 10 separate summative thoughts that help to convince me why it's a good thing we're not together anymore, and I revisit them when I start getting carried away with a good - or painful - memory. I think it's also a good plan to pretend you are over them. I was whinging to my friends a lot about how good our relationship was and how much I miss her, but if you just say 'yeah, I'm getting over it' and brush it off, you really do start to feel like you are. Some psychological thing, I guess - I'm no psychologist. This is all on top of the usual stuff (seeing friends regularly, becoming immersed in hobbies and work, pampering yourself, working out, making sure you always have something to look forward to in the evening or in the week, etc.). I can see myself being completely over her soon - just gotta keep the faith and keep going. Oh yeah, and, for the record, I felt that I was getting worse for a while. You will swing up and down. It's perfectly normal. It levels out.
Dlyrica Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Thanks for that. It felt good reading that as I'm at a particularly low point right now.
bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Stable song. Welcome to the USA! Thanks for your post. It does take time, but for those who's hurt is fresh, it does get better! My breakup was 6 months ago, and I only recently have started to feel much more normal, happy and excited for the next thing. You really do have to fake it till you make it sometimes. Pretend your over it, assume your are over it, and over time you will be over it. It's getting better each day for me. And why is that? Because NC works. You have to cut them out. Squash any chance on getting back together. Let it all go and peace will find you. I promise.
JL911 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Well I am still going through the motions...Yesterday I trashed my bedroom because there was still a few pictures up that she had bought me...Needless to say they are not there anymore... I guess I am just working through this just like everyone else....Still NC from dumper...maybe Ill never hear from her again...who knows...
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Well I am still going through the motions...Yesterday I trashed my bedroom because there was still a few pictures up that she had bought me...Needless to say they are not there anymore... I guess I am just working through this just like everyone else....Still NC from dumper...maybe Ill never hear from her again...who knows... Well, I don't know about you guys... but her leaving me has really left my life in a tumroil of questions. My entire future is now shattered, so I have to rebuild it. What am I going to do? Well, that's something I have been deeply considering since she left. Being dumped sucks. Being dumped when your life plan takes into consideration being with one person is even worse. My resolution? Well, I'm 26 and I have no idea what I want to do right now. I am maintaining NC strictly. I don't care how hard it gets. I'll maintain it to the grave if I need to. So, I think I will be joining the Army in the next month or two. IDK for sure yet.
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