DudeMan27 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 My ex and I have been broken up for 5months. She was losing her job, and becomming distant. Things romantically weren't the same and she pulled away. We did not speak for almost 4 months. With her without a job, she did a ton of traveling internationally. I only confided in a mutual friend of ours who set us up. Just about 4 months into the breakup, of course right when I was getting back to my normal self, she calls. I was on my way out the door and she said "call me whever to catch up." Later that same week she IM's me online, we talk friendly for almost an hour. The next day she leaves me an IM message asking me what I was doing (i had a message up that I was going to her town. I was actually on a date) 2 days later I wake up to a message from her going on and on about how she just wanted to reach out and talk, and she was sorry for being so aggressive and annoying, if I wasnt ready just let her know blah blah blah and kept asking if she was bothering me.(keep in mind the whole time she was leaving me messages, I was being very avasive and not responding. As I woke up and Im reading that message, she text me asking if I got the message. I just simply told her yeah, that she wasnt bothering me, and we'll talk later. I went the whole next week without contacting her, I just wasnt ready. Im out of town that weekend and I get a 2am text message saying "hey I have a story for you...whever" Well I finally called her back a few days later, it went really well, we caught up. She was teling me abuot her upcomming trips and even said "hopefully we can all hang out soon" She talked about a few pictures we had of each other. And ended the 2 hour conversation with "talk to you soon" Well that set off a whole month of conversations over text message. She was on vacation and randomly text me "Hey Im at the beach my old boss said you can stay with him when you come down next month haha" So of course im thinking, here she is on vacation and thinking to text me something stupid. Later in the month I put pics of my own vacation online, and shes the first person to leave a comment about them. Well she traveled again and I finnally called her the other day to catch up again. We played phone tag and she called last night saying she was just bored and wanted to talk. We talked for antoher 2 hours about her looking for a job, trips, etc. Well she's working a side job she worked in highschool just to make alittle cash and was telling me about that. She then says "I actually got asked on two dates by guys there" She was saying how the guys were really weird, and asked her sisters out as well and were alot older than us. Then she says "Oh sorry, was that weird for me to say that to you" I just played it off and said no. She says "yeah, you're upset" and Ijust told her not to worry about it. Well we had a great conversation and laughed alot. She just simply ended it with "good catch up, good catch up. Talk to you soon" Now here I am completely miserable again. Our mutual friend, who is one of her best friends swore up and down after teh breakup it wasnt for someone else. I really care about this girl, and not being friends at least would be devistating. But at the same time, I miss her like crazy and dont know what to do. In talking with our mutual friend, I told her how I was beginning to miss her more and more. The friend suggested that my ex is really dissapointed with not finding a job and is just doing her traveling, etc. She said that her and I needed to dinner or a game or something and hang out as friends and talk. And that my ex and I seem to be in the same boat. (Im not sure what that meant) I dont take too much stock in that, but it is her best friend saying this, so I start to think maybe somethings up. Our mutual friend is comming home in a few weeks for her birthday and invited out with them. Naturally I got excited but I just dont know if I can do it. I know Im just fooling myself with false hope, especially after the phone conversation last night, where she got asked on dates, even if it was by creepy guys she blew off, but I cant for the life of me understand why she was so pushy in the first place. She even admitted she was agressive and apologized over and over again for being annoying. I just dont know what to do or how to handle it anymore. I would HATE for it to go the ways of my previous relationships where we dont even speak, this girl is different and there are no ill feelings between us. But I cant help but miss her.
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Clearly you can't be friends with her. You got upset when she got asked on dates. What will you do if she confides in you about guys she LIKES? I know it sucks, and I am almost 3 months into NC, and it's difficult, but I think cutting her off is a good idea at this point. No more catch ups. No more bullsh*t. If she wants to be with you, she will otherwise it's all games to fill her own void.
Trojan John Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Unless you want to be like one of her girlfriends with whom she shares all of her gossip and boy crushes, I'd suggest you stop talking to her. It will only make you feel worse.
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Silic and TJ have it right on the money. You're essentially a 'girlfriend with a penis,' someone she can rely on for whatever she wants but you get zilch in return. If you wish to endure months or even years of pining and agony, by all means keep up the one-sided friendship. But unless I miss my guess, that's not really what you want.
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Thad's right. You're in the fast lane to being friend zoned. Flee, flee quickly. And keep your dignity intact. This girl wants nothing to do with being with you, not yet, anyway. So, walk away knowing you did your best. Lay it on the line, and cut contact.
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 So she's bored, has no one to talk to and sucked you into a friendship with her. Now you’re in the dreaded "friend zone." Is this what you wanted?! All she wanted to know was that you were still on her hook and that, if at the drop the dime she wanted you, she could have you. And you confirmed that. What you are going through is exactly why I still people to STICK TO NC. If your ex really wanted to be with you, they would BEATING DOWN YOUR FRONT DOOR. They wouldn't be making small talk and talking to you about dating other people. Yes, she was trying to a "rise" out of you and she realizes she did. Now that she feels validated (that's really all she wants from you, validation) she'll be open to seeing other guys. She doesn't have to wonder if you still want her. She's already confirmed it, boosting her own self-esteem at the expense of yours. Do you see now why NC is so important to stick to?
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 So she's bored, has no one to talk to and sucked you into a friendship with her. Now you’re in the dreaded "friend zone." Is this what you wanted?! All she wanted to know was that you were still on her hook and that, if at the drop the dime she wanted you, she could have you. And you confirmed that. What you are going through is exactly why I still people to STICK TO NC. If your ex really wanted to be with you, they would BEATING DOWN YOUR FRONT DOOR. They wouldn't be making small talk and talking to you about dating other people. Yes, she was trying to a "rise" out of you and she realizes she did. Now that she feels validated (that's really all she wants from you, validation) she'll be open to seeing other guys. She doesn't have to wonder if you still want her. She's already confirmed it, boosting her own self-esteem at the expense of yours. Do you see now why NC is so important to stick to? CaliGuy's smart with this sh*t man. Listen to him. Friend Zoning is horrible. Cut her off. Quickly. If you don't, a small part of every man will die with your friend zoning. We ALL know what that part is!
DustySaltus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Man, if this isn't a case study in No Contact I don't know what is.
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Man, if this isn't a case study in No Contact I don't know what is. Exactly. You'll be friend zoned. And how long you want to deal with the torture while everyone else makes fun of you is your choice. My buddy Mike R has been in love with the same chick for like 15 years. But he was friend zoned for 14 of them after they broke up. He still is her friend. But he still feels some type of way about her. He's friend zoned and deals with it every day. It's sad that people don't stand up for themselves.
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