free2bme4u Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I am typing this as I cry. My boyfriend and I have been going out for six months. We were making life plans together. We are both in our late 40s. As late as Monday he was telling me how wonderful our relationship was and how he couldn't wait to wake up to me every morning. Then last night he tells me he "needs a break." He said he feels like he is suffocating. I feel like I have been hit by a bus. To make matters worse, we have a trip planned soon and I really don't know the status of our relationship. What does "taking a break" mean to you?
revoo Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Well I am only 24 and i only had one serious relationship till now, for 5 and a half years. But taking a break to me first ment that donno, there is still hope. I think man and woman think differently when they want to take a break. When woman want to take a break from my experience is that it is over. I dont know how men think, but I honestly dont understand, if someone has a problem, why doesnt he or she open his/her mouth and say whats wrong, so that both can decide what to do. My ex didnt communicate well with me and left things to go down, but i did my part to, so really i think that if you cant communicate ok than you will have many problems on the way. Ask him why he wants a break.
revoo Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Wky does he feel suffocated? I let my ex do anything she wanted, anytime, and she still told me that she felt suffocated :|, so I dont know what to say about that.
Adri Ana Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Taking a break helps to understand how much true the feelings are . When there is some tension in a relationship , then only a break may help , a break that will show you the truth . I wish that both of you see SAME TRUTH , SAME LOVE TO FEEL when in a break . And if there is a feeling that you must let go or move on yourself , then its always better to do it In Time , as as longer you wait as harder it is after that , however it will suffocate more and more . So act in time . Life does not wait . Though the words are severe , but true .
adamt Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I know how you feel. One minute they are planning for the future then next minute they are wanting out. was there any warning signs? had he been acting different in last few weeks/months? any hint that there might be someone else in the background "taking a break" in most cases means the begining of the end. he will be seeing if he is ok without you being there. he may come back but dont wait about or contact him. give him all the space he needs. get intouch with friends and push yoursef toget out of the house and do stuff you like. do some physical exercise you will enjoy. I am sure some people have doubts in a relationship then over compensate in what they say to hide their doubts.
Author free2bme4u Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 He only acted differently in the past 48 hours. I am not really sure if there is someone else. He wrote me love notes-- long, intricate, beautiful love notes--at least once a week for months. He asked me to marry him. I don't even know what to make of it. He said I still love you but I want to lighten it up. I trusted him with my heart and I loved him completely and totally. Why don't people understand how this kind of damage is hard to repair? I really want help.
adamt Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 You had only been going out for 6 months and he seems to have moved pretty fast to say he loved you wanted to marry you..etc Maybe things(he) just moved to quick(not saying it is your fault) He is in 40s and seems that he was getting in quite deep so soon, not something i would normally expect. especially at that age. Maybe that is a warning sign for you. Do oyu know his recent past before you started dating. ie has he recently come out of a long term relationship.
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 From the looks of it, I think he's getting a case of the heebie-jeebies (that's the technical term for it). From nothing to talk of marriage in six months is a HUGE change in lifestyle. If he says he's feeling suffocated, take him at his word. It could be entirely self-induced but the fact is that he's uncomfortable. Adamt is right. I think the dude moved way too quickly and is now starting to re-evaluate the speed at which he brought up marriage and all the rest. I don't necessarily see it as a warning sign or a red flag, I see it more as a rational response to moving too fast. Not your fault, not in the least.
Author free2bme4u Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 He did move too fast--way too fast--but everything clicked so well. It was amazing. I was patient with him in the sexuality department and the patience was worth it. We developed a relationship that was so strong on every level that it was unprecedented in my life. He said the same thing. That is why I am so hurt. This really did come out of no where. It was so unexpected that right now I am having trouble coping.
Author free2bme4u Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 I am going to back way off. I have decided if he needs a break, a break is what he shall have. I have friends all over the place. If I need to, I can pick up at a moment's notice and travel anywhere to take my mind off of this. I am hurt but I have many gifts to give those people who choose to accept them.
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I am going to back way off. I have decided if he needs a break, a break is what he shall have. I have friends all over the place. If I need to, I can pick up at a moment's notice and travel anywhere to take my mind off of this. I am hurt but I have many gifts to give those people who choose to accept them.OK, but tell him this. Don't assume he can read your mind and will know what's going on.
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 OK, but tell him this. Don't assume he can read your mind and will know what's going on. I agree with Thad here.
Author free2bme4u Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 So how should I tell him? I want to leave the door open. I really think I have a lot invested in this relationship. I really don't want to lose him. Any advice, especially from males, would be appreciated here.
adamt Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 So how should I tell him? I want to leave the door open. I really think I have a lot invested in this relationship. I really don't want to lose him. Any advice, especially from males, would be appreciated here. You have to be honest with him. tell him exactly how you are feeling. if you feel it is moving too fast but you still want to be togethert. tell him you still want to be with him but there is no rush to get married for a while..etc Us men are not mind readers.
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Right. Simply have a dialogue. Tell him you care, you love him, and to take his time. Tell him how YOU feel about it, because that is very important.
adamt Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Free2bme4u, I lost my ex partly because she sat on things without me knowing what there was a problem. It was too late to save it when she finally told me when she was splitting up. She said she regretted not talking a lot sooner how she felt. Just be careful you dont put too much pressure on him as he may go for good. If you have an email address drop him a few lines email just explaining how you feel and there is no rush to get married so soon. but also make out you cant wait for ever for a decision to try to work things out. If he wants space i would not call or text him, just email. if you have no email then you may have to call him. if he doesnt answer have a plan of what you will say. try not to pressurise him by coming across too emotionally. Sound like you want to be with him but not in a rush to get married and just enjoy the time together and see how things go, but you cant wait forever for him to sort his head out.
Author free2bme4u Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 Thank you Thadeus, adamt, and silic0ntoad. Wish me luck. I'll need it.
silic0ntoad Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 You won't need luck. The strands of destiny brought you two together. Your creation of fate will decide wether he stays or goes. Just tell him what your heart feels, and if it's true, that slowing down is your desire as well. You will do fine champ. Chin up, balls out as I always say!
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