WTRanger Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Lately it seems my life has been taking on the waiting game for pretty much every aspect of my life. These are major, life changing issues to make matters worse. I've done everything I can do to get things set up, now I'm waiting on answers and they are answers I know I will get. I just don't know when. I'm dealing with the US and state Governments here so it could be tomorrow or it could be more weeks still. However, because of the insane stress that the waiting game causes I'm finding myself wanting to take it out on friends who have all of a sudden become flakes when responding to me in any form. It's almost as if I can't put a human face to the issues above, so I'll direct the anger to my friend. I haven't exploded on this friend, it's mostly rants to myself in private or writing them nasty email drafts asking if the internet is down. I'll usually give people at least a full 24 hours to respond before writing it off. This person especially, as I know when they sign online in chat. If they sign onto chat, I know they get a little notification of new email so I know they read it but activly or passivly choose not to respond. I don't understand why all of a sudden this friend has decided to flake on any form of communication. Calls, text, email all seemingly go unreturned. I know this person is busy, but jeez. We're all busy, I'm busy but I can make time to respond. I know what I do isn't what everyone else does. But at the same time, it sucks not getting a response especially if I've asked important questions. I know I shouldn't blow up on this person as they do not fully deserve it, and I know I need to work on having patience. Oh Lord do I need to work on the patience thing. But would letting this person know that they are really pissing me off and is it that hard for them to respond be worth any effort? Or should I just let it be? I don't want to play games either. I don't want to ignore them because I might think they are ignoring me.
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Not a friend. Drop them, move on. people are like that. I should know.... I could count on the fingers of one hand, the friends I have, and I'd need your hands, mine, and our feet to count the flakes. it happens. more than you'd ever believe. (is Patrick Stewart naked apart from the pink negligee thing? Where's that still from....?!? )
Author WTRanger Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 Perhaps that's what I need to work on, is to be less open to forgiveness or less believing in the human spirit. I tend to trust people and I'm willing to try to work things out. Maybe I should change. I'm not talking about becoming a negative person, but at the same time maybe be a little more unwilling to forgive and forget. I just think it's such a dumb reason to waste a friendship of a fairly long time. But, maybe this person is showing me who they really are and it's up to me to see who they are now and not who there were. But this is just such a dumb reason. Can't this person just steal money from me or steal my identity? Those seem like better reasons to end a friendship. I agree with you. I'd rather have 1 great friend who I can count on, than 100 friends who flake at the slightest sight of rough waters. I have no idea where the picture in my avatar is from. I was Google searching some absolutely unrelated to Patrick Stewart and I came across that and I knew I had to add that as my avatar.
Ronni_W Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Patience is one of my "life lessons" too...I need it bad! But, lack of patience does not appear to be the issue for you, about how your friend is choosing to handle her/his email and voicemail. Most obvious, your "important questions" are probably only "important" to you [so] if you haven't specifically expressed your need for a same-day "turn-around", your friend may be blissfully ignorant of your sense of urgency. And even if you have expressed your need for some rather instant gratification, your friend is not obligated to place the same priority on satisfying your needs that you place on getting them met. What's going on in your friend's life? Maybe s/he is waiting for you to offer your help with something that s/he is struggling with? Or maybe your needs/demands have become burdensome? Or. Have you recently been giving off crabby and/or impatient 'vibes' that your friend is quite within her/his authority to try to avoid as much as possible? I think. If you were going to have a conversation with your friend, do it from perspective that you're feeling particularly vulnerable and needy due to all the other stuff going on in your life, and would s/he mind giving you some more attention than usual. And assure your friend that it is only a temporary phase. It sucks for you, yes, but that's not your friends' problem so, IMO, your pissed-offness is being misdirected and ending up that YOU are not really being too much of an understanding or empathetic friend.
Author WTRanger Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 I know the pissed off feelings are misdirected, which is why they'll stay in private. It's just while doing the waiting game and then this friend started doing the same thing, I was able to put a face to it and that's not fair to them. Which is why I've held back at a complete blow out. This person is busy, but we are all busy. The busy excuse has become a crutch for this person, they've used it far too much for it to have meaning. But what I need to work my myself is I need to continue to understand that not everyone operates the way I do. As they say, "Different strokes for different folks." If I get an email, regardless of importance, if it needs a response I will respond as soon as I read it. I know that if I let it get cycled back into my inbox, I will forget about it. I can flag it, check it, highlight it, it won't matter and I'll still forget. I know how much it sucks to not get a response so I actively choose to try to respond as quickly as I can. But that's me, that's how I operate and I shouldn't expect others to do the same. If I as a lousy responder it would be incredibly hypocritical of me to ask for others to respond. It still sucks to feel ignored though. This friend had once been a good responder. I think something is going on with this person but I don't know what. I think something needs to give and issues have to be brought up. But I don't want to come off as a raging a*shole or a needy child. Which the raging a*shole needy child is probably the vibe I'd give to them right now. So rather, I'll lay low with them for a while and see if things smooth out or at least let myself calm down.
Ronni_W Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I totally get what you're saying. It sounds like a wise option, to lay low for now. When you do have a bit more...whatever is needed...you could approach it from, "You used to be such a good responder, and I noticed that's changed. Is there something going on that I can help you with?" It's also possible that your friend has been working on eliminating some of the "shoulds" in her/his life; reevaluating and re-prioritizing what truly is and is not important to his/her own happiness and success. Maybe 'staying on top of voicemail and email' has taken a backseat to...something else. Learning to meditate or sculpt, or spending more time with parents, kids, siblings, or whatever. Anyway. I do hope the US and state governments in question will not keep you waiting longer than is absolutely necessary -- and that you get the answers that you're wishing for
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