Onionskin Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I recently bought some gorgeous thigh high flat suede boots, and I couldn't wait to wear them out. I paired them with black tights and a long singlet and I loved how I looked. When I came out to show my boyfriend he said I look like a hooker and he wasn't going anywhere with me wearing those boots. He said it was "disrespectful" to him. I don't really know how to feel... I don't want to be disrespectful to him, but when I put those boots on I felt sexy and confident and he took that feeling away from me. He is always telling me about his ex wearing short skirts all the time so I don't get it. A few weeks ago we had a massive fight because a few of my girlfriends had invited me to join them at a pole dancing fitness class. I was so excited, it looked like so much fun with the girls and everyone was always telling me it is the best workout, but he again told me he didn't want me doing it and he thought it was "sleazy" and "embarassing", like I was going to be doing it in a room full of guys in nothing but my g-string or something. First that, now this. I can't help but feel controlled. He hasn't ONCE taken into account how I feel.
xra Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Flat thigh-high boots are the fashion right now! He is being far too controlling, and also rude. You are not his property, girl, and as long as you are dressed appropriately (which you are, it sounds like), then he has no right to dictate here. Tell him to suck it up!
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Yes, he sounds rather possessive. But get used to it if you plan to stay. My sister's husband is like that. And she's completely conservative, so he's a weirdo. He had issues with her wearing the color red, wearing her hair up, having a toe ring...amongst other things. His family is super-uber-conservative and they have some weird ideas about things. She married him anyway. You really can't change a guy that has ideas like that. You either have to get used to going against the grain of what he believes (and dealing with his snide remarks), or fall into line with what HE wants.
Lyssa Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I recently bought some gorgeous thigh high flat suede boots, and I couldn't wait to wear them out. I paired them with black tights and a long singlet and I loved how I looked. When I came out to show my boyfriend he said I look like a hooker and he wasn't going anywhere with me wearing those boots. He said it was "disrespectful" to him. I don't really know how to feel... I don't want to be disrespectful to him, but when I put those boots on I felt sexy and confident and he took that feeling away from me. He is always telling me about his ex wearing short skirts all the time so I don't get it. A few weeks ago we had a massive fight because a few of my girlfriends had invited me to join them at a pole dancing fitness class. I was so excited, it looked like so much fun with the girls and everyone was always telling me it is the best workout, but he again told me he didn't want me doing it and he thought it was "sleazy" and "embarassing", like I was going to be doing it in a room full of guys in nothing but my g-string or something. First that, now this. I can't help but feel controlled. He hasn't ONCE taken into account how I feel. That look is far from a hooker! Why was it alright for his ex to wear short skirts and it's not okay for you to wear that outfit?! As for the pole dancing class, trust me - it is a good work out and most of the girls that went for those classes are only in it for the work out. It's really fun because you are in a group of confident, beautiful girls. I love it and no one can stop me from going, not even my fiance (that's because he gets to see me practise )!.
caramel c Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Well, I do love those thigh high boots, and I want to give you a couple of suggestions...Have you ever tried them on with skinny jeans? That is a great look, I think, and less revealing. Also, I find that this one guideline has never done me wrong: Reveal ONE sexy body part. Just one at a time. Pick between these: Back, legs, cleavage. If you're going to do these boots with a short dress or skirt, see if you can find a top that covers you up pretty well, either with sleeves or sleeveless but make sure if you're showing shoulders there is no cleavage. Thats one thing for example. Or, if you wear the boots with the skinny jeans, go ahead and show some skin up top. Just keep it balanced. It will be sexy, fun, and fashionable all at once. I hope you don't think I'm making a judgement either way, this is a touchy subject and I can only say what I would do in the situation - I would compromise by doing one of the above options. But, if you insist then I'm not telling you that you are wrong for it.
JoeNat Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 OK, here is a guys prespective. For me it is all about respect. I think what he was worried about was the reaction you were going to get from other people (guys). We as men need to be the protector and if anything happens we need to take control of the situation. He probably felt like you were going to be a target all night and he wanted to enjoy the night with you and not feel like a radar scanning for the first sign of trouble. Most ladies dont understand that guys dont give a crap if you are with anybody. If you have yourself out there they are going to try and take advantage of that chance. Ladies... next time your at a bar or club when a guy comes in close to talk to you that you dont know pay attention to his hands next time. I bet he tries to put his hand on your back while talking in your ear. Then his hand might go lower to your hip and he will graze your butt. It is a common thing guys do. This is what he was trying to avoid most likely. I know that sounds a bit extreme but believe me... I'm a guy from NYC and been out more times than I car to admit... it is a tactic and once again wearing very revealing clothes makes you a target. Not to say that you didn't look great and felt sexy... I'm sure he thought so too... Comprimise is part of the relationship though, have a talk with him about this. Bring this up too... ask him if that is what he is worried about, if it is the other guys and what they might say or do. He needs to feel confident about your relationship. Maybe because his ex would wear these short skirts he knows what can happen when you would wear something similar and his trying to avoid this.
utterer of lies Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 ...repressed, insecure control freak playing fashion gestapo... You are old enough to decide for yourself what to wear and how to keep fit. Don't let him control you like that.
New Again Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Ladies... next time your at a bar or club when a guy comes in close to talk to you that you dont know pay attention to his hands next time. I bet he tries to put his hand on your back while talking in your ear. Then his hand might go lower to your hip and he will graze your butt. It is a common thing guys do. I think we ladies are all very aware of this move - it's pretty standard! I've noticed that prior to making this move they will often use their entire body or shoulders to kind of block you off from other people, but in essence it separates you from anyone else you may have been talking to in a group, presses you up against the bar or a wall...and makes it more difficult and obvious when you try to slip away! Anyways, my bf loves when I dress up and look sexy - he WANTS to take me out then and show me off. I'm also damn good at handling myself in such a way that other guys aren't an issue, and if anyone doesn't get it, I can handle him as well. Yes, that is controlling behavior. I'd have to throw in with Soul Search CO, I think she gave good advice.
JoeNat Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I think we ladies are all very aware of this move - it's pretty standard! I've noticed that prior to making this move they will often use their entire body or shoulders to kind of block you off from other people, but in essence it separates you from anyone else you may have been talking to in a group, presses you up against the bar or a wall...and makes it more difficult and obvious when you try to slip away! Anyways, my bf loves when I dress up and look sexy - he WANTS to take me out then and show me off. I'm also damn good at handling myself in such a way that other guys aren't an issue, and if anyone doesn't get it, I can handle him as well. Yes, that is controlling behavior. I'd have to throw in with Soul Search CO, I think she gave good advice. You will be shocked at how many ladies have no idea about this tactic...
New Again Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 You will be shocked at how many ladies have no idea about this tactic... Really? They don't notice that some stranger is touching them in relatively intimate places?? I always assumed they just liked the attention! I think if the OP feels sexy, she should wear what she wants! Just bearing in mind that if/when she gets extra attention, what's respectful of her bf/relationship.
Vet Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I have to agree with him about the boots (those things are unbelievably ugly), but not because it makes you look like a whore. It sounds like he's very insecure. It's definitely a red flag that he's equating you with this kind of behavior, unless you happen to be a woman of the night. You aren't disrespecting him by dressing how you want to. If his respect relies on how you look, that's dysfunctional and he needs to see that. Also, in my experience, men that call their significant others whores and treat them like one usually find a self-fulfilling prophecy when they get fed up with it and cheat.
New Again Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I have to agree with him about the boots (those things are unbelievably ugly), but not because it makes you look like a whore. It sounds like he's very insecure. It's definitely a red flag that he's equating you with this kind of behavior, unless you happen to be a woman of the night. You aren't disrespecting him by dressing how you want to. If his respect relies on how you look, that's dysfunctional and he needs to see that. Also, in my experience, men that call their significant others whores and treat them like one usually find a self-fulfilling prophecy when they get fed up with it and cheat. Or dump them! Calling your SO a whore, slut, hooker, etc. is very disrespectful. Ew. OP, when you dress in a way that your bf doesn't like, do you find that he accuses you of wanting and needing attention from other guys? Does he pick fights with you if another guy talks to you (even if the guy randomly comes up to you and you say you have a bf and he leaves)? What about when another guy (a friend maybe) is talking to both you and your bf - does your bf get mad because you're talking to the other guy too much?
Lyssa Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I think we ladies are all very aware of this move - it's pretty standard! Exactly! It amuses me whenever a guy thinks that that move is something that he just came up with!
bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Wear the damn boots anyways! It's one thing if you are the type of girl who not only dresses uber sexy, goes to pole dancing classes AND goes to clubs, etc and is really flirty with every guy in sight. Well then I wouldn't blame a guy for not wanting his lady to dress so seductivley..but this doesn't sound like you. Sounds like you foud some killer boots..man! (sorry, had to throw in the Dumb and Dumber line..) I once dated a guy like that (didn't last long) he was insecure about things like this..even talking to my male friends he would become possesive..didn't want me dressing or looking a certain way..etc. Needless to say that R didn't last long. If those boots make you look confident and sexy, wear them. If that class is fun and a workout..do it. And if that guy has a problem with it..then make your move
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