Tayla Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Greetings! Brief History. What I considered to be dating and enjoying each others company ( yes with some complications interwined). Three years later and no sign of improvement or compromising. End result: I called it off. His response: OKay, can I still preserve our friendship? Players during those three years: His lovely ex wife that demanded ALL his attention from home repairs to going with their son camping and baseball games. So at this time I am transistioning and unfortunately the lights are coming on,to all those signs that were there. His loyalty to her. His never once taking me to any of his family events . (His Brother is my boss) . His outright Truth when I asked him if he ever told anyone we were dating: He said Nope! ( That was the deciding factor we were done!) The irony in this was: When I told him we were thru and he agreed it was for the best, that clearly would establish that we DID have a relationship. Ya cant exactly break up with someone if ya didnt HAVE that relationship to begin with!. Yet He never once acknowledged that relationship outside him and I. How messed up is that! I seriously thought, welll he is just a very private person and doesnt like to show public affection . How wrong I was on both those assumptions. So my question or inquiry is simple....Can one have closure when so many actions are left uncleared, or resolved? The insanity of this ordeal is...He honest to GOD thinks he DID no wrong in the relationship , that I just wasnt *worth* introducing, when his son and his ex wife will always have PRIORITY in his life. Sure would have been nice to know before walking into that WALL!
john1988 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Real heartbreaking story there I'm sorry you had to go through it. In his defense it sounds like he has been hurting for years and really doesn't care about any relationships so I wouldn't take it personally although he should have outlined this from the start and you wouldn't be in this mess. From what you have said though I must say the writing has been on the wall, my question is why did you refuse to ignore it? Were you afraid you couldn't do better?
Author Tayla Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 Thank you for responding. Yes from the outside looking in, the perspective can be clearer. To justify why I hung on so long was I kept thinking that one takes the good with the bad. I really thought that I could have a positive impact in his life and show him that not all women are out for his money or subordinate creatures. He had issues with that. But seemed to be attracted to and enjoyed that fact that his EX depended on him for those very things. Now that I think about it, it was most likely a TURN OFF to him that I didnt depend on him for such things. When compromising and working towards a trusting relationship I really didn't consider that he just wasn't going to re-group and reconsider an old mindset that he has.Being Open minded was not his strength in restrospect. By clinging on to his ex wives demands he could say- 'See all women just want my time and my money!' So I reckon I am not the influential person or positive effect that can aide in a new way of thinking for him. So be it. One thing is for sure, The whole "lets maintain a friendship" has sunk and I am not about to go back. I can honestly say I never once carried the "I cant do better then this relationship". I often said, I am here to be supportive and if I am committed then I need to be that 100%. No one person is perfect for another, it takes commitment and support to establish things.
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