QuistisTrepe Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Ok, so I'm a FWB situation with a guy that I've been seeing for 5 months. The thing is that I was the one who set the FWB regulation when we first started seeing each other. Now I would like to start dating and I'm not sure how to go about it, or if he wants to go back to dating. So on about our 5th date, I kinda blurted out that I wasn't sure if I was HIV positive. I'm a virgin but I'm a doctor in a need based area. About three month before we started dating I got a needle prick injury with a patient I was seeing. Anyway he said that is ok and that he needed some time to think about whether we would have sexual relations. So, I jumped the gun and I said that we could be friends with benefits, the benefits being that I could give him oral with a condom on. So about three months into dating, I got my blood test back and as expected I'm HIV negative (there's only a .003% chance of acquiring HIV from a needle stick injury). So at that point I started wondering if we should leave the FWB zone. So I brought up this issue with him and he said that we should set aside a time and talk about it. Anyway, then he doesn't call or set a time for it for about a day or two and I got mad. In an impulsive moment, I told him that if he wasn't going to call, he should never call again. Anyway, he called me back and he was really angry. After that, I apologized and I let the FWB/dating thing go for a while. We continued to see each other and we are still seeing each other all the time. It's getting to close to the six month mark and he has given no hints that he wants to redifine our relationship. I'm pretty sure that he's not seeing anyone else at the moment. Anyway, I do want to start dating and not casually date forever. Problem is, I'm really into this guy and if at all possible, I would like to date him. If it's not possible then I would like to ease out of this relationship as painlessly as possible so as not to go running back to him (eg, start dating other people and only break it off with him when I have met someone else that I like). However, I do want to stay friends with him regardless. I'm not sure how to go about it. Help?
Hkizzle Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 A virgin in a FWB situation? That's interesting. A lot of people start off in the FWB situation and then develop feelings later on. It can get messy simply because the other person isn't looking for commitment. You handled the first chance for a talk badly. But what's stopping you from bringing it up now? Just be frank about it and don't get emotional. If it doesn't work out then you can still be FWB if he isn't scared off. As for being just normal friends, that takes maturity from both parties.
Cora Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I lost my virginity to my FWB partner just a few months ago. It was never really established as a FWB situation, but that's what I assume it was since he kept telling me he was not ready for anything serious everytime I brought up the issue of wanting more. I did not intend for things to happen this way. I just kind of slept with him too soon, so it turned into what it turned into and I just said well I'll give this a try. I can handle it. Truth is I couldn't. My feelings and emotions ran too deep for me to just accept this being a casual dating/FWB type arrangement. I wanted so much more, but I knew deep down in my heart that this was all it was ever gonna be and it hurt. People may think I'm silly, say just get over it already etc. and maybe I'm weak, but I would go to bed sobbing every night and I would stay up for hours on end overanalyzing things to pieces. I wished, hoped and prayed that he would change his mind and one day just say hey lets give this a shot! I'm still not over him to this day. We only talk now so I guess we are just friends minus the benefits. If anything, this has taught me to never put myself in this kind of situation ever again. I have learned my lesson and I now know that I can't handle this type of arrangement. Some people can I guess. I'm just not one of them. I think once you get into a FWB situation it's very hard if not impossible to turn it around into something more meaningful. I suppose it can be done and has by some people, but it seems to be very rare. I guess people who know that they want a meaningful relationship should NEVER get into one of these arrangements thinking that it could change one day.
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