mark1210 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I've been dating a woman now for 4 months, she was out of town for 2 weeks recently and came back this past Friday. Her and I had plans to go out a nice fancy restaurant. I was concerned that she may be jet lagged or the flight may be delayed and wanted to set up the plans for Saturday. She told me Saturday she was going out to the lake and to make the plans for Friday. I made them for Friday against my better judgement and paid the holding fee. Through no fault of her own, she did arrive late by 2 hours and we could not do dinner. I was upset about that and the fee I lost and was pretty distant about it. I suggest we go to another place and the entire way there she was txting and on the phone (I understand it to some degree..she's been gone for 2 weeks). However, at the dinner table, she is still on the phone - in fact the waitress had to make two attempts to get her order. I finally tell her she is being rude and to get off the phone and she looked surprised. Needless to say, I was more mad and distant and nothing (no intimacy occured her first night back). Saturday, we go out and she picks a fight with me about my behavior and lack of intimacy and goes back to texting. Later that night, I notice she now has a code on her phone (it's an iPhone, it makes unique sounds when there is a lock on it....no I don't check through her phone). Sunday, she introduces me to her mom and then later cancels plans saying she has to get ready for work (she's a 3rd grade teacher). Monday, she again cancels plans stating she's still at work..this is at 9:30 at night. Yesterday, I text her saying "When you are alone and free, please give me a call". She responds back 15 minutes later saying, umm...I'm scared to. She then calls a few mins later. I tell her i've seen some changes in her behavior, I mention the phone lock, the cancellation of plans, the attitude from her and she gets defensive saying I picked the worst time to ask her that question and that I should know this is her busiest week of the year. She claims she put the lock on her phone in preperation for school, so her students or faculty wouldn't poke around and she has been in a foul mood having to return to work. She did say she wants us to be in the relationship and that with school starting back up I'll be lucky to see her once or twice a week. Interestingly, she is going to the bars Saturday but not with me. She has the code to my phone, but I don't feel it's appropriate to ask for hers....I've since changed my code. What gives here..am I being too needy? Is she not interested? Should I do the whole "no contact thing"? I'd like to go out iwth my friends but i feel that I may miss her call when she is finally free'd up. Maybe she is genuinely tied up with work, but its interesting she wants to exclude me on Saturday. Thanks!
alphamale Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 dude, this chick has already emotional and mentally checked out...you either dump her first or she'll dump you. end of story.
Thaddeus Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 dude, this chick has already emotional and mentally checked out...you either dump her first or she'll dump you. end of story.I have to concur with Alpha here. She's either already checked out of the relationship or is in the process of doing so. Chances of you changing her mind on it are about 1 in 10 at best. Sorry, dude... it sucks, I know.
Author mark1210 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Where do you guys get that though? I mean I txt'd her to call me, she says she is "too scared to" then calls me. I offer her the chance to exit. She says she wants to stay with me and this is her busiest week. I guess, where do you guys get that she is all but gone?
MadDriver Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 ...am I being too needy? Yes. And you already knew that. There are so many prettier women than this cow of yours. Don't break up with her yet -- start shopping around discreetly. Does she have any hot friends?
Author mark1210 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 She does have some attractive friends, but I guess I fail to see the relevancy. I hope you're not suggesting I go after her friends, that is obviously a sure fire way to hear a "no"
BCCA Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Where do you guys get that though? I mean I txt'd her to call me, she says she is "too scared to" then calls me. I offer her the chance to exit. She says she wants to stay with me and this is her busiest week. I guess, where do you guys get that she is all but gone? Dude, how much respect does it show for you and your time when shes on the phone during dinner, after being away for two weeks? And she never apologized for anything, just made excuses why its not going to change and why you need to shut up about it. When someone cares about you, they try and be mindful of how what they do affects you. Shes in the process of checking out, the writing is on the wall. Shes going out to a bar without you, when you two havent even spent much time together...bad bad bad. Back way off, and I bet she wont even notice. That will be your answer.
Author mark1210 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 No one has yet to answer...why did she not bail out when I offered the opportunity? She is the one that said she wants to remain together, that was her prime opportunity to bail. She still has her cats (I've been watching them as a favor) and some of her belongings as well as a key to my home. Could it just be she is busy getting ready for the school year (classroom preparation and such)? Plus, why have her meet her mom on Sun? Doesn't add up......
MadDriver Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 She does have some attractive friends, but I guess I fail to see the relevancy. I hope you're not suggesting I go after her friends, that is obviously a sure fire way to hear a "no" Start propositioning to her friends right now, while you're still together. Once she dumps you, your chances go to exaclty 0%. Nobody wants a used tampon.
loveslife Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Mark, it sounds like something has changed and she might very well be interested in somebody else. But you should always do what feels right to you, not a bunch of strangers on a message board.
MadDriver Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 why did she not bail out when I offered the opportunity? Because... She still has her cats... and some of her belongings [in] my home.
MadDriver Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Twenty says she met someone while away. That's a good possibility! I didn't even think of that, and I travel all the time. You're good, dreamergrl
boogieboy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 No one has yet to answer...why did she not bail out when I offered the opportunity? She is the one that said she wants to remain together, that was her prime opportunity to bail. She still has her cats (I've been watching them as a favor) and some of her belongings as well as a key to my home. Could it just be she is busy getting ready for the school year (classroom preparation and such)? Plus, why have her meet her mom on Sun? Doesn't add up...... Shes at the bars on saturday without you? She alread ygave up on you dood. She might not be at the place she wants to be with the new guy yet. Or, she might not have someone shes looking at, but she doesnt want to be alone. Meaning once its all set with the new branch, she'll let go of the old one. Dont let her use you because she doesnt want to be alone. She already basically told you shes not going to even TRY to see you more than twice a week. She already checked out of this relationship, so tell her its over. She knows it already, thats why she said "im afraid to". Gain some self respect and dump her immediatly. Shes stomping on you and youre becoming a doormat. She brought you to her moms place because she wants to keep up the illusion that nothing is wrong. She does that to make you think everything is ok. Plus she probably likes your company, but she lost interest still. My ex was already thinking of breaking it off with me, while she was furniture shopping with me, for stuff for MY apartment. Break it off now, if she wants to stay together, let her prove it with actions. Like not talking on the phone at dinner. When you break it off, you arent to be friends with her, she might ask for that. Its all of you, or none of you. You owe her nothing.
dreamergrl Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I think she met someone while away. I think she might have made possible plans with him on Saturday. I think the weird behavior is guilt. I think she's keeping you around just in case this new guy doesn't work out. I think you should dump her.
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