EmptyPromises Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 my ex and i dated for a year. we broke up over flirty text messges he sent to a girl. we spent 3 months apart and 3 weeks ago he wanted me back. after 2 weeks of saying no and turning him down, i decided to go to a movie with him. We hung out 4 days out of a 7 day week. it was great. but now im having doubts. im feeling insecure and jealous.. like i did when we were dating. i had trust issues with him and feel like nothings going to change. im scared that when we go back to school, things will be different. hell go to parties get drunk and get with girls. we go to the same school btw. recently ive been thinking about him partying wtih girls that he has hooked up with with. he has a house with his friends and girls that hes hooked up with live on the same block, and i dont want him partying with them out of respect for me. it would just make me uncomfortable for him to go to a girls house whom he had sex with. ive been picking fights with him the past 2 days and i feel bad. i need to relax. but cant seem to do it. im fearing our relationship will be the same -- issues with trust, jealousy and respect. im scared im going to get hurt again. we love eachother to death. do i just let it go? try and control myself? someone help me out before i ruin this
boogieboy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 If you feel you have to check his stuff, youve already doomed the relationship. There will be no start to your trust as long as you think you have to check anything.
NopeNah Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 If you feel you have to check his stuff, youve already doomed the relationship. There will be no start to your trust as long as you think you have to check anything. This is true. I'm in the same boat. Been "back together" for about 2wks now. There have already been two arguments over my jealousy about the guy she left me for still calling/texting. She shows me the texts and isn't hiding anything(that I know of). Anyways, I was thinking today that she can't control who calls/texts her phone. The only control she has is how she handles it when it happens. I on the other hand have NO control over either!! haha! So, today I decided, I'm just going to let things roll where they roll! If she leaves again, see ya! If not, great!
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 you're right hes only in control of what moves he makes next...if a girl is texting him and he doesnt text back then good for him..if hes flirting back thats another story.. and thats what im worried about. i told him today that im having mixed feelings and just need to know sometimes how he feels about me and that hes not going to betray me. we both agreed that while were working on things, we shouldnt be hooking up with ne one else. hes still acting pretty weird though. last week we hung out 4/7 days of the week. I didnt have sex with him til the last day, and now weve gone 0 for 4. so now im thinking maybe hes just in it for the sex? we live 45 minutes away and he doesnt have a car, so ill give him that lol but i would drive to him. i told him i dont want to have sex anymore until were official, etc, because i dont want him to think he can have sex with me without being in a committed relationship with me. or should i just continue having sex with him? idk my mind is just all over the place right now. im getting anxious & stressed out and feeling how i was when we were dating. just insecure for some reason
NopeNah Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 The no control thing was also there when we first started dating these people. I think after being with someone for a while you feel you have some but, you don't. There's a word for it...what was it? oh yea..TRUST!! Our trust has been betrayed by our ex's and as far as mine goes, sh'e going to have to rebuild the hell out of it! The thing is, it's up to ME to decide to let her or not. If I choose to, I'm going to have to start completley over with her like nothing ever happened and I'm not 100% sure I can do that. She is asking me to and being very supportive and understanding of my jealous outburst so far. I need to stop doing those and do plan on it. If it happens again I'll have to break it off with her. I do know if my trust is broke again by her that it will be ALOT easier to deal with than the first time! I'll have zero problems walking forward with my life and moving on. As a famous president once said " fool me once....... shame on......shame on you! Can fool me but,can't get fooled again"-GWB
boogieboy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 you're right hes only in control of what moves he makes next...if a girl is texting him and he doesnt text back then good for him.. Ummm, if girls are texting him and hes not stopping them, then he obviously isnt ready to be serious with you yet. And holding off sex isnt going to make him take you serious, its just going to make him resent you, and then get sex from someone else. You can try to see if he will honor your relationship proposition.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 Thanks guys. I don't know who and if he's been texting. I don't wanna go thru his phone. He said he wants a relationship with me but doesn't think we should just jump back into it, which was originally what I said. But I don't want him thinking he can have me and not give me what I want. He thnks we need to rebuild things which I said. He said he's not going to hook up with other ppl etc and not to ask dumb things about that because he's not gonna do it. So what does this mean? R we back together or am I still single? I don't want him putting on a front to other ppl and acting like he's single. Also facebook relationship statuses were also a big thing for me in relationships. My ex ex always would refuse to change it and he cheated on me six times. My ex now always made a big deal out of in putting in a relationship with me and didn't see the point. Should I wait it out and see if he chnages it? Or ask him to? I know sounds crazy but I feel like guys who don't chnage it are up to no good or cheating like my ex ex.
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Ummm, if girls are texting him and hes not stopping them, then he obviously isnt ready to be serious with you yet.How can he stop the other girl(s) from texting him? Why should he be responsible for someone else's actions? If he's maintaining NC with them, then it only stands to reason that he wouldn't respond. And holding off sex isnt going to make him take you serious, its just going to make him resent you...Absolutely, 100% accurate. To the OP regarding the Facebook status thing, he cannot read your mind. If you'd like him to change it to "involved" (or whatever it says) then you're going to have to communicate that.
boogieboy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 How can he stop the other girl(s) from texting him? Why should he be responsible for someone else's actions? If he's maintaining NC with them, then it only stands to reason that he wouldn't respond. . Thats IF hes not responding to them. He very well could be. EP, you shouldnt put so much creedence in facebook status. Facebook status means nothing IRL. Concentrate on how HE is acting.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 guys...i think i might tell him i cant do this. i have a gut feeling that im making the wrong choice. hes already kind of taking advantage of me, barely talked to me in 5 days and when i wanted to have a "talk" he said theres no need for talks. i feel like hes just going to screw me over again. i cant trust him. i feel like if he wanted me back.. hed want me back as his GF not just " well see where things go". i was doing well moving on and maybe i just should. he needs to prove ALOT to me if he wants to be wtih me and at this point i dont think hell change. ive been telling him the past week that maybe were making a mistake & should just be friends. last night he told me i need to stop saying things like that if i dont mean them. maybe i do mean them. maybe i cant give him a chance right now.. cuz i dont believe him and i dont think hes going to try to work things out. if he wants me back in his life he needs to prove it to me. he needs to be able to talk to me. he cant start arguments for no goddam reason. he cant make me worry and be anxious. its not okay. should i tell him how i feel? even tho last night i cried to him on the phone about worrying about him. i love him SO much but i dont want to be hurt again. the last 3 months were the worst ive ever been through. i dont wanna turn around and let him back in just to get hurt again. i dont think hes learned his lesson. i think hes just going to walk all over me again. ugh this confusionnnnnn what do i doooo?
boogieboy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 You cant be friends with him either, you'd have to cut him out of your life completely.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 yes i know, id go no contact but maybe in a few months wed be able to be friends. how should i go about this? call him (hes working)? send him an email? maybe see what he has to say before i tell him to leave me alone?
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 i wrote this out and asked him if hed rather me call him or email him and he said hell call me. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I need to get out what I’m feeling . I can’t do this. My mind is spinning with confusion on what to do. My heart wants to take another chance. My heads telling me im making the wrong choice. I feel like in taking you back, you’re just going to screw me over again. These last 3 months have been the hardest I’ve ever experienced. I loved you and you took advantage of that. You broke my heart. You broke my trust in you. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to trust you again. It would take a lot of time and effort to restore my trust in you. We can’t change one another. I really think in trying to work things out we would be making a mistake. The same things are going to happen and the same issues are going to occur – trust, jealousy, insecurity,disrespect, etc. I don’t want to worry and stress about you. This is our last year at school, and I think instead of fighting, being worried, and being stressed out about eachother, we should just have fun with our friends and let go. We both deserve to be treated the right way and I think with our personalities and our own personal issues we can’t treat eachother the way we deserve. I can’t give you another chance. I don’t believe things are going to change. I just don’t believe you in general, because everything you ever say turns out wrong. I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anything. I gave you my heart and you took it ripped it apart. You had me, and you decided I wasn’t worth it. And now you want to work things out., but I don’t think its worth it. I’m sorry. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]This is really how i feel . I think id rather email it to him because if I tell him all this hell just interrupt me and argue and blah. i feel like crying.[/sIZE][/FONT]
NopeNah Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I feel ya! I had my worst nights sleep in months last night! Constantly waking up from nightmares of her cheating and showing zero remorse. Only to fall back to sleep to another dream of the same content. Had about four total,each involving diferent guys! Some guys I didn't know, some I did!?!? Weird stuff! I think I'm done with this aswell. I refuse to put myself through this again. Wheather it would happen again or not..I can't even chance it! I'm done with her! Suposed to have dinner/drinks with her tonight and stay at her place after for the night..SO, instead I think I'll mention drinks and tell her then that I just can't do it.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 yup... have been really anxious the past week. and i think its just cuz im worrying about him i just talked to him.. told him the exact things in that letter. he got pretty angry and upset. we wound up hanging up on eachother. he texted me saying is this it? hes like i cant magically change ur mind right? i wrote him back saying if u can put in the effort to make me trust u and communicate with u and make an effort to change things then i can give u a chance. but u dont even want a g/f u want to "see how things go" i want a boyfriend. n im not going to put in the effort n fall for u again when ill prob wind up hurt or betrayed. i said im just scared of him to hurt me again. he broke my heart n our trust. he responded with :its not something that can happen overnight thats why i said it takes time and well see how things go i told him im confuse dand have so many doubts in my head n am worried and that i dont wanna be with ne one, i love him i just dont believe it when he says it.
NopeNah Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 im not going to put in the effort n fall for u again when ill prob wind up hurt or betrayed. i said im just scared of him to hurt me again. he broke my heart n our trust.. I said these EXACT words during one of my jealous outburst just the other night! No one should feel scared to be with someone else in any fashion, be it violence/abuse, infedelity,ect.. It's not natural nor fun! I'm still not 100% on what i'm going to do with mine. I know what I should do though.
Nuala83 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 yup... have been really anxious the past week. and i think its just cuz im worrying about him i just talked to him.. told him the exact things in that letter. he got pretty angry and upset. we wound up hanging up on eachother. he texted me saying is this it? hes like i cant magically change ur mind right? i wrote him back saying if u can put in the effort to make me trust u and communicate with u and make an effort to change things then i can give u a chance. but u dont even want a g/f u want to "see how things go" i want a boyfriend. n im not going to put in the effort n fall for u again when ill prob wind up hurt or betrayed. i said im just scared of him to hurt me again. he broke my heart n our trust. he responded with :its not something that can happen overnight thats why i said it takes time and well see how things go i told him im confuse dand have so many doubts in my head n am worried and that i dont wanna be with ne one, i love him i just dont believe it when he says it. Emptypromises, I really identify with what you're saying. I said a lot of the same things as you. I told my ex I didn't want a friendship and I refused to talk to him for about a month, then he started calling me saying he wanted to get back together. Hmmm Your ex has no just cause for being angry and upset at you when it's your heart that was broken. It's completely understandable that you don't believe what he says. It might take some time for you to trust him again and if he can't understand that, he can't truly be very remorseful. (sigh) turns out I was right not to trust him. I've just found out he's still lying to me. Be very careful and look after yourself.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 aah thanks guys! its not to no people are in the same boat as me. so after that last text he didnt text me back. i texted him saying : do u understand why im feeling this way.. no answer.. i think hes trying to scare me. but whatever. i guess i should start no contact and if he really wants to work things out and wants to prove it he can call me and say so. im not looking to be anyones hook up buddy or friend. i want a boyfriend whos going to treat me right. and if he cant do it then there will be someone else.
boogieboy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Why would you wanna be freinds with someone that treated you like that in the future? Whats the point?
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