Snowflower Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Thanks, taylor. Please believe me when I say that introspection does not come easy to me either. I am still trying to figure ME out. I had lost so much and experienced a lot of changes within 2 short years. I had no idea what to do next or where to turn--I had to figure out how to regain my footing, so to speak. And it wasn't JUST my husband's affair that threw me for a loop, there were a lot of other changes/unforeseen events in my life that happened prior to the A. That was just the final, most striking blow. Most of the time, I feel like I am living a whole new life these days where most everything feels a little bit different. I react differently to almost everything now, which I think is good. Anyway, it is a long journey to learn about yourself but it can be an interesting one if you let it.
PhoenixRise Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Taylor Introspection is a challenge and it is an ongoing process. For me, I decided that after all the pain and feeling like my world had exploded after my H affair that it was not all going to be for nothing. Why live through so much pain and at the end of the day have absolutely no benefit? So I dug deep within myself and I am still digging. As for being afraid that you won't find your passion....Taylor I tried so many things that were complete and utter failures, I did so many things that I ended up looking like a complete fool...and looking silly to my friends family and actually, even to random strangers was always a fear of mine. Not everything you always wanted to do will turn out to be a burning life affirming passion when you try it. It is the having the courage to try it that will create a burning life affirming passion in you. You can never stand at a crossroads and see far enough down the road in any direction to KNOW if a particular direction will end in a happy place. All you can do is start moving and have the confidence in yourself that whatever pops up in your path you can handle it. I hope you and your H will have a fantastic weekend.
Author aeh Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Aeh, do you think you have been the person you have been all your life because that is what your husband expected of you or do you think you have just been WHO you really are? I think I have basically been a very "good girl", a rule follower for most of my life. Not that I am a total perfect, of course.
Author aeh Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Went for coffee with my friend. Nothing has happened. There is some mutual attraction there, on some level. Am feeling a bit stronger today, have talked about feelings with H. Have been so brutally honest with my H about most everything--stuff I never believed I would be discussing with my H. As for outside passions and interests....I did have a passion, up until about a year ago, but due to some circumstances, I am not able to pursue that passion anymore. So, in a sense, it has been two large blows to me over the last year. Guess I will have to find something else. H and I spent ONE night apart in separate bedrooms (couldn't even make it out to the guest house) and neither one of us was sleeping. It was a long night for each of us. I missed him terribly the next morning. I guess we aren't very good at separating. Maybe that should tell me something. Also another interesting tidbit from my IC session...she acknowledged that it did sound like I had some things to get out of my system, (not that she was advocating an A), but I also told her that while I could see myself with other people, I couldn't stand the thought of my H being with someone else. She said maybe that should tell me something as well.
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