To the women who don't mind their partners looking semi/nude attractive women

[Citizen Erased]

I don't mind it because I don't consider it my right to control everything my partner does. I'm not jealous of them looking at other women, if they truly wanted to have someone else they would. The women that come on here and have a problem with this issue usually (note, usually and not always) have trust issues and view porn as on the same level of cheating. I get where they are coming from, I really do, but it's just not in my nature to really care what my partner looks at. Unless it's illegal of course.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Watch out for those knuckles though... they can get an awful scraping.

 

Enjoy living in the 18th century. More to the point, good luck finding a man who wishes to live there. Do you wish to have an intellectually stimulating (and honest) debate or would you rather just trade barbs?

[SoulSearch_CO]

I do not look like those women, I have my own insecurities when it comes to my body. But as my XH put it - there's this air around women in porn and strip clubs...like they're all about the sex and that's what sells. But he said in his experience, it was all a facade. He said a good number of women with supposed "perfect" bodies were terrible lovers.

 

I don't know. I guess I AM secure if my man keeps coming home at night after seeing stuff like that. I guess I realize the point of stuff like that - which is to just sell an image. It's not real. And honestly - I'm seriously to the point in my life that if a man is that damn dumb...to cheat or leave me because of stupid **** like that - then it's his loss, not mine. And it's better I found out how dumb he was sooner rather than later.

[burningashes]

Was I ever threatened? I can't imagine being threatened by images of any kind. Perhaps that is why its never been a problem for me, because I've never made it one.

 

Right- a problem is only a problem when you make it one. I admit I would feel a little jealous whenever that happens, but I remind myself of a few things:

 

-What are the chances he'll ever meet her?

- A picture is what it is... just a picture.

- I like to look at porn in my own private time, I would be a hypocrite if I got upset with him for doing the same thing. I would definitely not like it if my boyfriend made it a problem, so why do it too?

- Whenever I look at porn, it's just that- a source of entertainment that would soon be forgotten once it's out of sight. I trust my boyfriend to think the same way.

 

However- I would definitely cross the line if it started affecting our relationship and I've made that clear to the men I've dated. I'd say something along these lines, "Look, what you do with your time is your business, I trust you that you would never let it affect what we have between us." I've never had it become an issue in my relationships, because the men I've dated have never let their porn "usage" affect our relationship. This is my secret

[Els]

However, a woman who feels this is inappropriate and bordering on vulgar is classified first and foremost as INSECURE quickly followed by jealous, a prude, and frigid. What if she is simply a lady? And what if this lady wishes for her man to be a gentleman?

 

Nothing wrong with this so long as she keeps it as a personal preference and goes searching for that particular gentleman... instead of throwing everyone who partakes in such 'vulgar' activities under the umbrella of being pathological.

[Els]

Right- a problem is only a problem when you make it one. I admit I would feel a little jealous whenever that happens, but I remind myself of a few things:

 

-What are the chances he'll ever meet her?

- A picture is what it is... just a picture.

- I like to look at porn in my own private time, I would be a hypocrite if I got upset with him for doing the same thing. I would definitely not like it if my boyfriend made it a problem, so why do it too?

- Whenever I look at porn, it's just that- a source of entertainment that would soon be forgotten once it's out of sight. I trust my boyfriend to think the same way.

 

However- I would definitely cross the line if it started affecting our relationship and I've made that clear to the men I've dated. I'd say something along these lines, "Look, what you do with your time is your business, I trust you that you would never let it affect what we have between us." I've never had it become an issue in my relationships, because the men I've dated have never let their porn "usage" affect our relationship. This is my secret

 

Great post! This is what I do as well.

 

To be honest though, I'm not completely immune to the brainwashing. After reading the 348927324723 porn threads (even though mainly for the purpose of refuting the die-hard 'PORN IS BAD, EVIL, THE BANE OF RELATIONSHIPS' advocates).. I did let it get into my head for a bit. Just like how someone with friends who are striving to ruin her relationship with her bf (not saying that any posters are doing that, this is just an illustration) might eventually be brainwashed into some insecurity.

 

So once, when my bf and I were watching porn together (he'd just brought me to buy some bondage cds because I'd always wanted it but didn't have the guts to buy them myself ) it did hit me for a while, especially when I realized he was being turned on. But then I realized that this was the height of hypocrisy... because I was turned on as well!

 

I guess maybe the answer would be to not be brainwashed by people who say that if your guy is looking at someone more attractive than you, he actually wants to shag her and not you etc etc.

 

Now if only I could immunize myself, else I'd probably need to stop reading these threads altogether, such a pity.

[Vet]

You see what I mean? You just made my point for me.

 

Even if I don't like it, as a male you decree that I do.

 

If I have to live in reality I'd like some company.

 

No, you just made my point!

 

You obviously don't have to live in reality, since you aren't. However, I do understand your desire for company (and you should have it).

[MissJoness]

you automatically displace your boyfriend in your head when you see a naked man? Do you think to yourself, "ugh, my boyfriend pales in comparison to this man, I wish he looked more like this." Probably (or at least I hope) not.

 

Most women don't look at nude men. Even on other forums, most women post pics of other nude women and they compare themselves to those ladies.

 

I was listening to a radio show, where a woman was seeking advice b/c her husband would show her pictures of pinup models and tell her that she should aspire to look like them (lose weight, dress like them, wear her hair like them) so men in fact do, do that. Some even admit to wishiing their girlfriends looked like those women.

 

I even knew guys who would try to encourage me to look like those women, telling me to get dress like them--more provocative, and get enhancements in certain areas so I can be shaped like them.

[Vet]

I was listening to a radio show, where a woman was seeking advice b/c her husband would show her pictures of pinup models and tell her that she should aspire to look like them (lose weight, dress like them, wear her hair like them) so men in fact do, do that. Some even admit to wishiing their girlfriends looked like those women.

 

Idiots do that. Men don't.

[You'reasian]

This:

 

Is annoying. It says to me:

"well try to look more like the women I objectify so maybe I'll look at you like I look at them. P.S. Don't ever expect me to make a object of myself by putting on some silly get up and great you at the door, but YOU, absolutely should do that for me because that is what I keep you around for."

 

I don't interpret it that way.

 

I might ask her to look a certain way, but its all about give and take...

 

If a girlfriend of mine asked me to look a certain way (and if it was reasonable and not insane) I'd do it.

[Els]

I even knew guys who would try to encourage me to look like those women, telling me to get dress like them--more provocative, and get enhancements in certain areas so I can be shaped like them.

 

Then you have far bigger problems than just pictures of nude attractive women, IMO.

[Sandita]

What is the secret? Do you really not feel threatened at all? Do you happen to look like those women so its not a big deal? I really would like to know what is going through your head for you not to mind your partner looking at semi/nude attractive women in magaiznes/online etc.

 

I guess it all depends on in which context he is looking at the other girls. Like, it could bother me, but I also can't forbid him to look at other hot girls. He is only human

[Thornton]

1) I'm happy to look at the same women he does - they're hot. I can't judge him for doing something that I also do. If looking at such pictures means nothing to me, it probably means nothing to him either, so I have no need to be insecure.

 

2) If I was ugly and/or fat I'd probably feel more insecure about him looking at women who are significantly more beautiful than me. I feel secure in my own looks so I don't care who he looks at, I don't feel inferior or threatened because I don't think those women look so much better than I do.

[SoulSearch_CO]

1) I'm happy to look at the same women he does - they're hot. I can't judge him for doing something that I also do.

:laugh: LOL...I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I've been guilty of giving very appreciative looks to women. I've also pointed out beautiful women to my XH. I can appreciate a work of art as much as men can.

[MissJoness]

1) I'm happy to look at the same women he does - they're hot. I can't judge him for doing something that I also do. If looking at such pictures means nothing to me, it probably means nothing to him either, so I have no need to be insecure.

 

2) If I was ugly and/or fat I'd probably feel more insecure about him looking at women who are significantly more beautiful than me. I feel secure in my own looks so I don't care who he looks at, I don't feel inferior or threatened because I don't think those women look so much better than I do.

 

Well, maybe you're bisexual and it doesn't bother you because you like looking at nude women just as much as he does.

 

It really doesn't matter whether you are attractive or not, your man is still looking at other women and NOT you so their looks are obviously doing something for him that your good looks aren't doing at the moment

[2sure]

It doesn't bother me , maybe for the following reasons:

 

He isnt blatant about it.

I also enjoy attractive women.

I feel I am attractive.

He has never made me think he is comparing me to them.

[Vet]

Well, maybe you're bisexual and it doesn't bother you because you like looking at nude women just as much as he does.

 

It really doesn't matter whether you are attractive or not, your man is still looking at other women and NOT you so their looks are obviously doing something for him that your good looks aren't doing at the moment

 

Please read and absorb what 2sure posted below you. This is something that I think a lot of women don't understand. Just because he's looking doesn't mean he's comparing you to them.

[sweetjasmine]

Most women don't look at nude men. Even on other forums, most women post pics of other nude women and they compare themselves to those ladies.

 

I was listening to a radio show, where a woman was seeking advice b/c her husband would show her pictures of pinup models and tell her that she should aspire to look like them (lose weight, dress like them, wear her hair like them) so men in fact do, do that. Some even admit to wishiing their girlfriends looked like those women.

 

I even knew guys who would try to encourage me to look like those women, telling me to get dress like them--more provocative, and get enhancements in certain areas so I can be shaped like them.

 

 

Idiots do that. Men don't.

 

Totally agreed.

 

TBH, I've never understood how such a fake shape could become a norm, even in a medium that's supposed to be fantasy, and it baffles me that there are people out there who think it's possible for women to have tiny, tiny bodies and humongous breasts without lots of help from a plastic surgeon. Few women look like that naturally.

 

And if someone's telling you that you need certain "enhancements" and essentially encouraging you to undergo surgery so that you'll be easier on their eyes, there are much, much bigger problems than "he enjoys looking at porn."

 

Please read and absorb what 2sure posted below you. This is something that I think a lot of women don't understand. Just because he's looking doesn't mean he's comparing you to them.

 

Eh, he doesn't need to be comparing her to them. Women compare themselves to other women pretty often, usually without help from men. I think the reaction sometimes has nothing to do with him.

[2sure]

. Women compare themselves to other women pretty often, usually without help from men. I think the reaction sometimes has nothing to do with him.

 

Exactly!! For example - If a guy is looking at another woman...and his partner sees the other woman and says to herself : I look better than that...he us just people watching.

 

But if his partner sees the other woman and finds herself lacking in comparison...she assumes her husband is checking the girl out and comparing the two.

 

I dont know. I just dont bother with it.

 

And PLEASE..do we have to get all into the fake boob thing again?

[AAlike]

Or perhaps I'm secure in that I 'get it'.

 

I simply do not want a man who sees women through the eyes of locker room fodder. By translation, that is the lens through which his eyes see women. And I am a woman. So by consequence if women are nothing more than rags to be used, that will apply to me as well. And that is unacceptable.

 

plain and simple, if in your mind, thinking about having sex with a woman based on purely visual stimuli is disrespecting women, or "locker room fodder", then every man in existence has disrespected women. if you're looking for a man that hasn't done so, you are seeking a biological impossibility (or a gay man, I suppose). It's good to see that most women that have piped up on here understand that.

 

I quit going to gyms because of the cat calling and the come on's. Maybe it isn't insecurity about who I am as a woman, but rather not buying into the culture that every woman should be used as men see fit just by a flip of the switch of their fantasy mode.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you let it have such power over you.

 

it is only you that believes that a woman's other properties are instantly nullified and invalidated the instant that a man exhibits his natural male sexuality. I'm sorry that your opinion of women is so low.

[You'reasian]

So its ok for a woman to ooh and aah over some musician/actor/guy at the store and not ok for a man to do the same? lol

 

Its a woman's perrogative? lol