To the women who don't mind their partners looking semi/nude attractive women

[MissJoness]

What is the secret? Do you really not feel threatened at all? Do you happen to look like those women so its not a big deal? I really would like to know what is going through your head for you not to mind your partner looking at semi/nude attractive women in magaiznes/online etc.

[sally4sara]

Having been a stripper, I know the eyes looking at any random naked female or male are not the eyes of love or respect. So what is there to be insecure or jealous about? It is not an envious position to be in where no one has concern for who the nude person is or what kind of person they are; they are just a naked body. No feelings, no dreams or aspirations, no want to be troubled with any needs or preferences they might have......

At best, it is simple instinctual reflex for people to look at nude bodies. The human body is an amazing machine to watch in motion.

[Confusedalways]

I don't really make a big deal out of it because I know when I see a nude or semi nude male I'm never thinking of anything beyond 'oh, he's good looking!' I hope and trust that my partner thinks and feels the same way. Plus, sally4sara said it best. At the end of the day you're the one they are with

[Enema]

Do you get upset when he looks at a nice lamborghini that drives past?

 

It's the same thing, he's just admiring the craftmanship. He doesn't know anything about the woman or want to be with her, it's just appreciation of beauty that's forgotten the second she's out of sight.

 

Nothing more unattractive than an insecure woman.

[infjer]

i guess i just take it for what it is... she's hot and he noticed. hell, i notice that sort of person. as long as my guy is still respectful to me, that's what i care about most. just remind yourself that if he's in love with you, then you're already more important to him.

 

and to enema's comment - insecurity isn't great. but it's not like people want to feel that way. cut her some slack... i'm sure she's working on it.

[zilverenvlinder]

I'm a girl, and I actually have a hobby... I'm a pretty damn good artist, if I may say so, and my favorite subject is drawing stark naked women in charcoal/pencil. I've drawn three elaborate beauties for my BF so far, and he has them all hung up and framed on his wall.

 

I think they're beautiful, and I would HOPE my bf likes looking at naked women! If he didn't I would assume he was gay...

 

EDIT: Exactly, Confused! I feel the same way. I check out guys too! It doesn't mean I'm going to leave my man for them or have sex with them, lol! I always notice good looking dudes, who doesn't?

 

And MissJones...99.9% of us don't look like those women. They have airbrushing and plastic surgery. Don't feel so insecure. If your man didn't like you he wouldn't be with you.

[Gamine]

What is the secret? Do you really not feel threatened at all? Do you happen to look like those women so its not a big deal? I really would like to know what is going through your head for you not to mind your partner looking at semi/nude attractive women in magaiznes/online etc.

 

There is a difference between looking at a naked body like one would look at a beautiful sunset and looking at a naked body as an aid for sexual fantasy and gratification. The same subject matter with a different purpose.

 

Having said that, if there is a painting/sketch/drawing of a nude model I'll throw that into the category of ART. Beauty like a sunset.

 

If there is a photo of someone spread eagle exposing themselves used with the intention of 'getting off' then clearly this is no longer art but now alternate sexual activity. Plain and simple.

 

Why must it be construed that a woman who objects to the man in their life enjoying 2d images for sexual gratification a sign of her insecurity as a woman? Why can't it simply be that the woman thinks it is whacked? Everyone can walk around saying all guys do it... but the bottom line is that up and until the last 30 years or so that hasn't been the case in our society. It has been a progressive tolerance. It takes more and more to shock the senses.

 

In the 1940's a Playboy would have been considered lewd, deviant, and those trafficing in it would have been imprisoned and/or heavily fined. This is a fact.

 

Now, Playboy is nothing. It is considered just one step away from Victoria's Secret catalogues.

 

However, a woman who feels this is inappropriate and bordering on vulgar is classified first and foremost as INSECURE quickly followed by jealous, a prude, and frigid. What if she is simply a lady? And what if this lady wishes for her man to be a gentleman?

 

When a man or a woman uses a 2d image for sexual gratification it is what it is. They are engaging in sexual activity with an unresponsive 2d image. Period. We as a society seem to defend this as harmless by the argument that if they haven't technically used their private parts with a living woman's private parts then it isn't wrong. I'd be as pissed off with a man using porn to get off as I would if he used a blowup doll.

[You'reasian]

What is the secret? Do you really not feel threatened at all? Do you happen to look like those women so its not a big deal? I really would like to know what is going through your head for you not to mind your partner looking at semi/nude attractive women in magaiznes/online etc.

 

Its probably the same way you would look at a guy.

 

If my woman makes an effort to look good, I'm happy. If her results are good too, I'm happier.

 

You could always find a nice outfit or something to wear when he comes home from work!

 

Let the fireworks begin!!!

[sally4sara]

There is a difference between looking at a naked body like one would look at a beautiful sunset and looking at a naked body as an aid for sexual fantasy and gratification. The same subject matter with a different purpose.

 

Having said that, if there is a painting/sketch/drawing of a nude model I'll throw that into the category of ART. Beauty like a sunset.

 

If there is a photo of someone spread eagle exposing themselves used with the intention of 'getting off' then clearly this is no longer art but now alternate sexual activity. Plain and simple.

 

Why must it be construed that a woman who objects to the man in their life enjoying 2d images for sexual gratification a sign of her insecurity as a woman? Why can't it simply be that the woman thinks it is whacked? Everyone can walk around saying all guys do it... but the bottom line is that up and until the last 30 years or so that hasn't been the case in our society. It has been a progressive tolerance. It takes more and more to shock the senses.

 

In the 1940's a Playboy would have been considered lewd, deviant, and those trafficing in it would have been imprisoned and/or heavily fined. This is a fact.

 

Now, Playboy is nothing. It is considered just one step away from Victoria's Secret catalogues.

 

However, a woman who feels this is inappropriate and bordering on vulgar is classified first and foremost as INSECURE quickly followed by jealous, a prude, and frigid. What if she is simply a lady? And what if this lady wishes for her man to be a gentleman?

 

When a man or a woman uses a 2d image for sexual gratification it is what it is. They are engaging in sexual activity with an unresponsive 2d image. Period. We as a society seem to defend this as harmless by the argument that if they haven't technically used their private parts with a living woman's private parts then it isn't wrong. I'd be as pissed off with a man using porn to get off as I would if he used a blowup doll.

 

Disliking women displayed gratuitously for the arousal of men (and even more so the man you're partnered with!) because it contributes to the denigration of women in general is not the same as feeling threatened by it in comparison to yourself.

 

The OP asked if we do "really not feel threatened at all" by it. That is why I answered in the context of insecurities and jealousy. I don't envy other women when men objectify them because I know how hollow and un-complimentary it is.

[sally4sara]

This:

 

Its probably the same way you would look at a guy.

 

If my woman makes an effort to look good, I'm happy. If her results are good too, I'm happier.

 

You could always find a nice outfit or something to wear when he comes home from work!

 

Let the fireworks begin!!!

 

Is annoying. It says to me:

"well try to look more like the women I objectify so maybe I'll look at you like I look at them. P.S. Don't ever expect me to make a object of myself by putting on some silly get up and great you at the door, but YOU, absolutely should do that for me because that is what I keep you around for."

[Vet]

There is a difference between looking at a naked body like one would look at a beautiful sunset and looking at a naked body as an aid for sexual fantasy and gratification. The same subject matter with a different purpose.

 

Having said that, if there is a painting/sketch/drawing of a nude model I'll throw that into the category of ART. Beauty like a sunset.

 

If there is a photo of someone spread eagle exposing themselves used with the intention of 'getting off' then clearly this is no longer art but now alternate sexual activity. Plain and simple.

 

Why must it be construed that a woman who objects to the man in their life enjoying 2d images for sexual gratification a sign of her insecurity as a woman? Why can't it simply be that the woman thinks it is whacked? Everyone can walk around saying all guys do it... but the bottom line is that up and until the last 30 years or so that hasn't been the case in our society. It has been a progressive tolerance. It takes more and more to shock the senses.

 

In the 1940's a Playboy would have been considered lewd, deviant, and those trafficing in it would have been imprisoned and/or heavily fined. This is a fact.

 

Now, Playboy is nothing. It is considered just one step away from Victoria's Secret catalogues.

 

However, a woman who feels this is inappropriate and bordering on vulgar is classified first and foremost as INSECURE quickly followed by jealous, a prude, and frigid. What if she is simply a lady? And what if this lady wishes for her man to be a gentleman?

 

When a man or a woman uses a 2d image for sexual gratification it is what it is. They are engaging in sexual activity with an unresponsive 2d image. Period. We as a society seem to defend this as harmless by the argument that if they haven't technically used their private parts with a living woman's private parts then it isn't wrong. I'd be as pissed off with a man using porn to get off as I would if he used a blowup doll.

 

Well, aren't they insecure? Let's be honest with ourselves here.

[loveslife]

It's never occurred to me to feel threatened by a guy I'm with looking at nude photos. They can look all they want.

[Lizzie60]

What is the secret? Do you really not feel threatened at all? Do you happen to look like those women so its not a big deal? I really would like to know what is going through your head for you not to mind your partner looking at semi/nude attractive women in magaiznes/online etc.

 

To be totally, sincerely honest with you.. I don't mind because I have a great body and I don't feel one bit threatened by these women... I look better than most of them anyway... I'm told that all the time .. so it's not a problem for me..

 

Let them look.. they'll eventually get tired of it.. the more you nag about it.. the worst it'll be..

[Gamine]

Well, aren't they insecure? Let's be honest with ourselves here.

 

Hell no. Why can't it be the opposite? Why can't it be that she knows who and what she is and she isn't willing to take any crap? What if she is all that and a bag of chips, knows it, and owns it? I think it is total nonsense to buy into the idea that a woman feels insecure about her looks in comparison to the naked chicks in magazines or in porn. My thing is this... I know what I am as a woman and if I'm not enough for him then so be it. I'll find a guy who I am enough for... and this is coming from a woman who has never had an ounce of trouble in that department.

 

I am a hard working, real, down to earth, semi-high maintenance, prima donna. I've kept myself quite well and think that my payoff should be that my guy has eyes for me. If I spent any more time working on myself I wouldn't have any time left over to sleep...

[Vet]

Hell no. Why can't it be the opposite? Why can't it be that she knows who and what she is and she isn't willing to take any crap? What if she is all that and a bag of chips, knows it, and owns it? I think it is total nonsense to buy into the idea that a woman feels insecure about her looks in comparison to the naked chicks in magazines or in porn. My thing is this... I know what I am as a woman and if I'm not enough for him then so be it. I'll find a guy who I am enough for... and this is coming from a woman who has never had an ounce of trouble in that department.

 

I am a hard working, real, down to earth, semi-high maintenance, prima donna. I've kept myself quite well and think that my payoff should be that my guy has eyes for me. If I spent any more time working on myself I wouldn't have any time left over to sleep...

 

Because if she knew she was all that and a bag of chips, as it were, then she wouldn't have a problem at all with him looking, because she knows who she is and who he is. Whether it's trust issues in the relationship or her own internal issues, it's insecurity at the foundation of it.

[Gamine]

Because if she knew she was all that and a bag of chips, as it were, then she wouldn't have a problem at all with him looking, because she knows who she is and who he is. Whether it's trust issues in the relationship or her own internal issues, it's insecurity at the foundation of it.

 

I grew up in a household with two nice looking brothers who may have had 5 or more guy friends over at any given time. They talked, laughed at girls, heard stories of using them, went to strip clubs and talked about the girls like they were less than meat. Dated men who openly categorized nice girls from sluts to be used and abused. In my entire compendium of life as a girl and a woman I have never met or known a man who didn't have these categories. I've heard the guy talk. When men mature maybe they're less vocal about it... some are not. I heard stories concerning guys in their 50's and 60's going away together and hooking up with 20 year old hookers... and they laughed at the women when they left.

 

That is disgusting plain and simple. Yes, perhaps my exposure to the unabashed conversations of locker room talk gave me the real deal and there is no way I can now see it as just looking at girls/women. I heard it all. When I was 19 years old I reached under a car seat and pulled out a porn magazine my boyfriend had stuffed under his seat. I got out of the car. I gave him a choice. 2d or me.

 

30 years later I'm the same girl. No, I'm not going to buy the 'it's harmless' nonsense. I've heard and I've seen enough to know the truth about it.

 

Now, if I want a man who is a gentleman I believe that has to be my prerogative. And if my guy wants a lady.. then I'm his gal. That is what floats my boat.

[Vet]

I grew up in a household with two nice looking brothers who may have had 5 or more guy friends over at any given time. They talked, laughed at girls, heard stories of using them, went to strip clubs and talked about the girls like they were less than meat. Dated men who openly categorized nice girls from sluts to be used and abused. In my entire compendium of life as a girl and a woman I have never met or known a man who didn't have these categories. I've heard the guy talk. When men mature maybe they're less vocal about it... some are not. I heard stories concerning guys in their 50's and 60's going away together and hooking up with 20 year old hookers... and they laughed at the women when they left.

 

That is disgusting plain and simple. Yes, perhaps my exposure to the unabashed conversations of locker room talk gave me the real deal and there is no way I can now see it as just looking at girls/women. I heard it all. When I was 19 years old I reached under a car seat and pulled out a porn magazine my boyfriend had stuffed under his seat. I got out of the car. I gave him a choice. 2d or no me.

 

30 years later I'm the same girl. No, I'm not going to buy the 'it's harmless' nonsense. I've heard and I've seen enough to know the truth about it.

 

Now, if I want a man who is a gentleman I believe that has to be my prerogative. And if my guy wants a lady.. then I'm his gal. That is what floats my boat.

 

And the best of luck to you in finding it. You still sound extremely insecure about men in general though.

[refurb]

Having been a stripper, I know the eyes looking at any random naked female or male are not the eyes of love or respect. So what is there to be insecure or jealous about? It is not an envious position to be in where no one has concern for who the nude person is or what kind of person they are; they are just a naked body. No feelings, no dreams or aspirations, no want to be troubled with any needs or preferences they might have......

At best, it is simple instinctual reflex for people to look at nude bodies. The human body is an amazing machine to watch in motion.

 

Wow! Very well put and very accurate.

 

RF

[Gamine]

And the best of luck to you in finding it. You still sound extremely insecure about men in general though.

 

Or perhaps I'm secure in that I 'get it'.

 

I simply do not want a man who sees women through the eyes of locker room fodder. By translation, that is the lens through which his eyes see women. And I am a woman. So by consequence if women are nothing more than rags to be used, that will apply to me as well. And that is unacceptable.

 

I believe it is even degrading to women to assume that those who object to it are simply doing so because they are afraid they won't measure up to the photo. What if they do 'measure up' and still don't want to be treated like a piece of meat?

 

I quit going to gyms because of the cat calling and the come on's. Maybe it isn't insecurity about who I am as a woman, but rather not buying into the culture that every woman should be used as men see fit just by a flip of the switch of their fantasy mode.

[Vet]

Or perhaps I'm secure in that I 'get it'.

 

I simply do not want a man who sees women through the eyes of locker room fodder. By translation, that is the lens through which his eyes see women. And I am a woman. So by consequence if women are nothing more than rags to be used, that will apply to me as well. And that is unacceptable.

 

I believe it is even degrading to women to assume that those who object to it are simply doing so because they are afraid they won't measure up to the photo. What if they do 'measure up' and still don't want to be treated like a piece of meat?

 

I quit going to gyms because of the cat calling and the come on's. Maybe it isn't insecurity about who I am as a woman, but rather not buying into the culture that every woman should be used as men see fit just by a flip of the switch of their fantasy mode.

 

The lady doth protest too much, me thinks.

[LucreziaBorgia]

As long as the man I'm with treats me right and it doesn't affect the relationship I don't really care what he looks at in terms of pictures/porn/etc. That is something I consider his business, not mine - just as I would like it if stuff like that that I do remains my business and not his.

 

I am trying to think back on all my relationships (and I've had more than a few ranging from casual to serious) and I can't think of a single one where I was even aware that the person I was with was doing that. If they were jerking it to porn I never knew about it, or cared really. What people do with their private time is their business.

 

I knew my exH liked looking at Fleshbot, and would like looking at artsy poses of various ethnicities of women, and we would collect some different porn stuff (Pirates comes to mind) but it was never a big deal to me. He never made it a big deal either. Just something he and I would do on our own private time.

 

Was I ever threatened? I can't imagine being threatened by images of any kind. Perhaps that is why its never been a problem for me, because I've never made it one.

[Gamine]

The lady doth protest too much, me thinks.

 

You see what I mean? You just made my point for me.

 

Even if I don't like it, as a male you decree that I do.

 

If I have to live in reality I'd like some company.

[Gamine]

Simple. Because it is!

 

A woman who is confident in herself, and more to the point, is confident in the strength of her relationship simply isn't bothered by 2D images her SO sees. The same is true of men, BTW. If your relationship can really be threatened by images, then images are the least of your problem. If it cannot, then they simply don't matter. Capiche?

 

 

 

Because it's 2009, not 1809. Get with the times.

 

 

 

That you would use the word "vulgar" to describe it pretty much says "insecure, jealous, frigid prude". Sounds a lot like my grandmother, actually.

 

 

 

A lady? A good lady loves porn too!

 

 

If you haven't already done so, I suggest you watch the movie "Idiocracy". I believe you might find quite a bit in common with the social mores reflected in that film.

[kiss_andmakeup]

The "secret" is just mutual trust, respect, and self-confidence. My boyfriend and I both utilize pornography on our own time...we live together but are busy with hectic work schedules that rarely line up (he is a chef and works nights, I am a hairdresser and work days). On some days there just isn't time for sex, and we both have pretty outrageous sex drives, so neither of us have a problem with the other viewing porn in our alone time. Because, honestly, who doesn't feel better, less tense, and more relaxed after a good orgasm?

 

I guess I have never understood why people freak out about pornography viewing on each partner's own time. It would be one thing if I was sitting in the other room, ready and willing, while he was looking at porn instead (or vice versa). But it never is that way, so what is the big deal? I am always chosen over porn, and I always choose him over porn. It's just a tool in the significant other's absence.

 

Do you automatically displace your boyfriend in your head when you see a naked man? Do you think to yourself, "ugh, my boyfriend pales in comparison to this man, I wish he looked more like this." Probably (or at least I hope) not. You know that your relationship with your boyfriend is and always will be extremely different from any temporary stimuli you get from seeing an anonymous naked man. If you know that, then you can comfortably reside in the fact that your boyfriend feels the same way about looking at naked women. He doesn't sit there and compare him to you in his head and match you up tit-for-tat (no pun intended).

 

Sure some men are pigs and might expect all women to look like porn stars...but, first of all, those men wouldn't be with you in the first place if they didn't find you attractive. And second of all, who wants to be with someone like that anyways?

 

Go get some sexy pictures of yourself taken. Wear some pretty lingere. Go to the gym or begin a healthier lifestyle (I don't know you and am not saying you are unfit or unhealthy, just assuming that you have some insecurities based on your post). And do NOT do these things for your boyfriend, or for any man, to make him more interested in you. Do it for yourself, for your confidence, to feel like you not only have something better than the girls in pornos (a REAL, natural, healthy, disease-free body), but that you have the complete package.

[Gamine]

And for the record, Gamine, I am a certified, bonafide genius. IQ in excess of 150. So be careful what accusations you throw around.

 

Well it seems you have found a wonderful outlet to utilize your higher thinking. Watch out for those knuckles though... they can get an awful scraping.