Hkizzle Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Just want to see what you folks think of the following behavior: Now we all know women want the following two feelings in a relationship: 1) Security 2) Feeling special They even find that women who experience security and feel special have better health. (can't find study, but not surprising) However, how about the behavior of putting the cart before the horse and artificially creating security and the feeling of being special, when it actually backfires? A good example would be a woman assuming she's special and therefore a man will change for her. That's actually putting the cart before the horse, she's assuming she is special instead of getting proof of it first.
Devil Inside Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I think anyone, man or woman, going into a relationship with the expectations that the other will drastically change are fooling themselves. Why not just find somebody that has the qualities you want, not someone you have mold into the mate you want.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 I think anyone, man or woman, going into a relationship with the expectations that the other will drastically change are fooling themselves. Why not just find somebody that has the qualities you want, not someone you have mold into the mate you want. Well, not exactly. A lot of women find a man that's acting nice to her, then he starts to act cold, and she thinks she can change him back. What she fails to understand is the guy was reverting back to his real personality.
BCCA Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I think this basically comes down to women not wanting what they know they can have, i.e. a guy who makes it obvious right away that hes into her. I think women want to feel special because they were able to tame and keep this alpha male, who could chose anyone else. I dont think they want a guy who they know right off the bat wants to date them seriously. I also disagree that the two things you listed make up more than 5-10% of what women look for in a man, but I suppose thats another thread all together.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 I think this basically comes down to women not wanting what they know they can have, i.e. a guy who makes it obvious right away that hes into her. I think women want to feel special because they were able to tame and keep this alpha male, who could chose anyone else. I dont think they want a guy who they know right off the bat wants to date them seriously. I also disagree that the two things you listed make up more than 5-10% of what women look for in a man, but I suppose thats another thread all together. Shxt, I forgot to put SOME women......... Just adding that now.
infjer Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I think this basically comes down to women not wanting what they know they can have, i.e. a guy who makes it obvious right away that hes into her. I think women want to feel special because they were able to tame and keep this alpha male, who could chose anyone else. I dont think they want a guy who they know right off the bat wants to date them seriously. I agree that some women like that sort of drama in a relationship. But there are women like me... I hate games. If you like me, tell me. If you want to call me, call me. If you don't want to, then don't. I appreciate that honesty and would never take advantage of it. I know I'm "special" but that doesn't automatically mean a guy will want to be with me. The women who need to feel special by taming or changing an otherwise "untouchable" guy will eventually get bored and move on to someone else just for the reassurance. They don't care about the guy in the first place. An authentic relationship isn't based off of that bullshxt.
confusedcookie Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 ummm... how about my ex? i thought i was special to him, he quit smoking for me, when his family couldn't get him too. he would drive to my house and ride the elevator with me with if i got home late at night. he would drive to night market and buy me food... he would wipe down all my utensils prior to eating in a restaurant... he spent all his time with me, and he would let me go out with my friends, but he would prefer that i spend it with him... BUT he had friends that took advantage of him, and he would run a lot of errands for his friends too, he would peel my shrimp and some of his girl friends shrimps too, he would ditch me and our plans for his friends... if he had things to do with his friends, then he would "forget" about my "safety" and he would forget ride the elevator with me, or walk the dog late at night with me... (not even a phone call to say, sorry, not tonight honey, he just forgot) and that was when he was living away from his country, we visited his country and all hell break loose, went out with his friends, and got his parents to "baby sit" me... didn't want to spend time with me (his excuse, but i'm just home for a month, and i have all this other time with you)... promise me he would pick me up, but then he would be too busy with his friends and would forget and refuse to do so... i just came to realize that i wasn't special, he was just a nice guy, and therefore, treated me nice, but in comparison to all the other people, it's not really that nice.... also, to this day, i don't know if he spent all the time with me bc he wanted to or if it was bc he had no friends here...
Vet Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 ummm... how about my ex? i thought i was special to him, he quit smoking for me, when his family couldn't get him too. he would drive to my house and ride the elevator with me with if i got home late at night. he would drive to night market and buy me food... he would wipe down all my utensils prior to eating in a restaurant... he spent all his time with me, and he would let me go out with my friends, but he would prefer that i spend it with him... BUT he had friends that took advantage of him, and he would run a lot of errands for his friends too, he would peel my shrimp and some of his girl friends shrimps too, he would ditch me and our plans for his friends... if he had things to do with his friends, then he would "forget" about my "safety" and he would forget ride the elevator with me, or walk the dog late at night with me... (not even a phone call to say, sorry, not tonight honey, he just forgot) and that was when he was living away from his country, we visited his country and all hell break loose, went out with his friends, and got his parents to "baby sit" me... didn't want to spend time with me (his excuse, but i'm just home for a month, and i have all this other time with you)... promise me he would pick me up, but then he would be too busy with his friends and would forget and refuse to do so... i just came to realize that i wasn't special, he was just a nice guy, and therefore, treated me nice, but in comparison to all the other people, it's not really that nice.... also, to this day, i don't know if he spent all the time with me bc he wanted to or if it was bc he had no friends here... He was a doormat, plain and simple.
MadDriver Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 ummm... how about my ex? i thought i was special to him, he quit smoking for me, when his family couldn't get him too. he would drive to my house and ride the elevator with me with if i got home late at night. he would drive to night market and buy me food... he would wipe down all my utensils prior to eating in a restaurant... he spent all his time with me, and he would let me go out with my friends, but he would prefer that i spend it with him... BUT he had friends that took advantage of him, and he would run a lot of errands for his friends too, he would peel my shrimp and some of his girl friends shrimps too, he would ditch me and our plans for his friends... if he had things to do with his friends, then he would "forget" about my "safety" and he would forget ride the elevator with me, or walk the dog late at night with me... (not even a phone call to say, sorry, not tonight honey, he just forgot) and that was when he was living away from his country, we visited his country and all hell break loose, went out with his friends, and got his parents to "baby sit" me... didn't want to spend time with me (his excuse, but i'm just home for a month, and i have all this other time with you)... promise me he would pick me up, but then he would be too busy with his friends and would forget and refuse to do so... i just came to realize that i wasn't special, he was just a nice guy, and therefore, treated me nice, but in comparison to all the other people, it's not really that nice.... also, to this day, i don't know if he spent all the time with me bc he wanted to or if it was bc he had no friends here... What a nice guy. Can I have his phone number? I need my dry-cleaning to be picked-up, ASAP. It's an emergency!!!
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