JimmyB26 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Okay, I was with a girl for about 6 months, and she fell in love with me. I was in the process of getting divorced and couldn't be there for her completely, and she split. She met a guy in another city 1000+ miles away on vacation and subsequently started a LDR with him. They see each other every few weeks. She stays in touch with me when he's not around. She's been out with me for her birthday, accepted the bday gift (concert tickets I'd gotten while we were together), and took me. The boyfriend knows, and is okay with this. The boyfriend also knows and is ok with a platonic heterosexual friend she used to see who sometimes sleeps over in her bed. This isn't me, but she told me about this. I've pulled away, started seeing other women, and told her that eventually women will not understand an unnecessary friendship with an exgirlfriend when whoever I'm seeing will be in the same city as me and I could be seeing my new girlfriend. But she has deep-seated attachment to me, and begs me not to leave her life, telling me how much I mean to her and all that. She even recently offered to be my date to a wedding we'd have to travel to and stay in a hotel room together for. She said that she tells the boyfriend that he can't be jealous of other guys and what she does when they're apart. Is it just me and my friends who all of this seems strange to? Or does anyone on here agree that this relationship that she's in isn't a typical LDR and the guy should not be tolerating a lot of this behavior? I've theorized that the guy is either batting so far out of his league that he feels he needs to roll over in order to keep her happy and with him, or he's incredibly naive. I realize I'm asking for selfish reasons and to discern how over me she really is - it might have subconsciously played into the forming of this LDR over a local relationship in order to give it real potential as a failed rebound. But I'd like insight either way. Thanks. Also - has anyone ever been in this type of situation in any of the roles? If so, what happened? Let me add that she "considers" me a "close friend" and describes me to him as a guy she "dated and it didn't work out". But she hasn't expressed any excitement about me meeting this guy, or him meeting me, if she considers me so important. She's keeping us separate.
Romance Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I cannot imagine that to me it sounds like they have an open relationship? My boyfriend would never be okay with me hanging out with another man that way..let alone an ex.
Author JimmyB26 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 I really doubt the relationship is open... But this doesn't sound healthy, right? It's almost like she's taunting him.
4givrnt4gtr Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Sounds like a casual relationship to me, but honestly it sounds more like she is using you for when she gets lonely. Either way she doesnt seem to be too much into either one of you. Not really sure why u care unless you still have feelings for her in which case...id be careful, dont get too caught up
Author JimmyB26 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 She's seen more genuine passion and feeling from me since we broke up. Things she never expected me to say or do, and she's gotten curious again. She's called me "different" than all the other exes she's had, someone who she could see herself with down the line, but I'm the only ex who she'd reconsider. We broke up because she thought that we'd be engaged in a couple years and she wasn't ready. Granted this girl is far younger than me and it's understandable that she's not yet sure that I'm the one for her. She knows I'm the one who knows her the best, and I've totally demonstrated that. The bf can send birthday flowers or chocolate as much as he wants, but when I surprise her with her favorite cake from a place she mentioned on our first date... she melts. I took her to a concert of her favorite musician, and now whenever she hears a song, she'll have to remember the perfect night I gave her, and me--and that was a stroke of brilliance. So I'm just checking with the good folks on here to see whether it sounds more reasonable that she had to take a step back from the intensity of a relationship with an older, more sophisticated, more challenging, settled man that she might not have been ready for as a senior in college and retreat back to someone her own age to enjoy herself in a casual relationship, but is doing everything possible -- including cheating EMOTIONALLY -- in order to keep me around for later. Because she sure is responding to me being out there and dating other women.
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