bluewolf17 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I found this on the internet yesterday. I was going through a internal battle of contact or no contact. Of course I can't find the article now..but I will paraphrase. The article was written by a pyschologist who was treating to diffrent patients over breakups. Once was a women who didn't contact her ex, unless the ex contacted her first. It was just text's and emails, and they hadn't seen eachother in months. The second was a man who hadn't seen or talked to his ex in over a year. Both of them repeated that they had the same issue. They aknowledged the problems in the relationship, they wanted to move on, but for some reason they just couldn't let go of thoughts of reconcilation with the ex. The pyscholigist found in both cases, it was less about the patients desire to be with the person again, but more about the patient wanting the ex to "heal" the pain caused. They both felt that the only way to make the pain of breaking up go away, was to be back together. In other words, they were putting 100% of the healing process, in the dumpers hands! They blamed the ex for the pain caused. I hope this makes sense to others, I completly saw myself in that article. It's like I was waiting for my ex to release me from the pain I feel he caused. Today and last night I told myself that I forgive him. I also forgive myself. I don't need him to validate my pain. I don't need him to "fix" anything. I don't need any more closure. I can deal with my pain on my own. I told myself that I no longer need assurance of his love (now, or during the R) for me. He is no longer a part of my life, and I have complete control of my own happiness. I hope maybe some of you may find some peace in this. Bluewolf17
lizzylizliz Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I like it. And I agree totally...it's almost as if we need affirmation that we aren't 'bad' people or 'failures' just because we didn't succeed in the R. To go off on a tangent, I was lying on the grass in the back garden last night...it was a clear night, and I could see so many stars....it really puts you and your problems into perspective, feeling so small and far away. Well, that was just me, anyway I think it's an important step to forgive them for hurting you, and to forgive yourself for letting yourself be hurt. Until that happens, you're kinda stuck in an emotional rut.
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