jen1234 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I've been dating a guy for around a year now and basically I can't decide whether to dump him or not. The problem is I have school hols (i'm a teacher) for 6 weeks at the mo and i've asked him if he would take some time off to spend with me. He said he couldn't at the mo because his work situation is a bit dodgy. He likes diving and needs to get some dives in this year to keep his certificate or it will cost him more money to do it again next year so a few weeks later he asked if I could afford to go on hol in my next half term and I said to him that I can't. The next day after this conversation he booked a 15 day holiday to Maldives alone diving and he goes in 3 weeks!! He hasn't mentioned anything about taking time off to spend with me!! Should I dump him coz I think he's being selfish?!!
jerbear Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I'll have to second AM. After 1 year, he does this, "yes and yes"
Vet Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I've been dating a guy for around a year now and basically I can't decide whether to dump him or not. The problem is I have school hols (i'm a teacher) for 6 weeks at the mo and i've asked him if he would take some time off to spend with me. He said he couldn't at the mo because his work situation is a bit dodgy. He likes diving and needs to get some dives in this year to keep his certificate or it will cost him more money to do it again next year so a few weeks later he asked if I could afford to go on hol in my next half term and I said to him that I can't. The next day after this conversation he booked a 15 day holiday to Maldives alone diving and he goes in 3 weeks!! He hasn't mentioned anything about taking time off to spend with me!! Should I dump him coz I think he's being selfish?!! Well first, how serious are you two? Have you been casually dating each other over the past year, or have you been in a committed, serious relationship for the past year? Secondly, you could come off just as selfish by demanding that he take off work just because you're on break. Will you still be on break while he's on vacation? When he mentioned that he was taking a vacation, what did he say specifically? What did you say? Was it made clear that you weren't invited, or was this his way of taking time off with you? All in all, this seems like a very weird reason to solely break up with someone. What are your other reasons beyond this incident?
Author jen1234 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 We have been in a serious relationship, I have spent time with his family and friends and he has spent time with mine. When we first starting dating he went on a prebooked diving holiday for 10 days and as soon as he came back booked a 10 day diving hol for the next month. Then a few months later he took me to prague for 3 days as a christmas present (but actually only took one day off work for it as the other two days were weekend), which is a lovely christmas present i'm not being spoilt but it's not all about how much a boyfriend spends on you. Then after that he went on a one week skiing holiday which was booked before i met him. When he got back from that he booked another weeks skiing holiday with friends. An now cant even plan anything for the both of us to do which doesnt cost that much money because i havent got the money to spend on expensive dive/ski holidays! He obviously likes his holidays which is fair enough but hasnt really made any effort to plan something we can both do together!
Vet Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 We have been in a serious relationship, I have spent time with his family and friends and he has spent time with mine. When we first starting dating he went on a prebooked diving holiday for 10 days and as soon as he came back booked a 10 day diving hol for the next month. Then a few months later he took me to prague for 3 days as a christmas present (but actually only took one day off work for it as the other two days were weekend), which is a lovely christmas present i'm not being spoilt but it's not all about how much a boyfriend spends on you. Then after that he went on a one week skiing holiday which was booked before i met him. When he got back from that he booked another weeks skiing holiday with friends. An now cant even plan anything for the both of us to do which doesnt cost that much money because i havent got the money to spend on expensive dive/ski holidays! He obviously likes his holidays which is fair enough but hasnt really made any effort to plan something we can both do together! What has he said when you've brought this up to him?
Author jen1234 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 He said he needs to do his diving hols to keep the certificate and a while back said next time he only needs to go for 4 days to get his hours in but booked this one for 15 days. Also that we can plan a nice holiday and I can have time to save up for it which wont be till next summer. The thing is after saying he cant take time off he has taken 15 days off alone!
Vet Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 He said he needs to do his diving hols to keep the certificate and a while back said next time he only needs to go for 4 days to get his hours in but booked this one for 15 days. Also that we can plan a nice holiday and I can have time to save up for it which wont be till next summer. The thing is after saying he cant take time off he has taken 15 days off alone! What I was asking is what has he said when you've called him out on this behavior? What has he said about taking off 15 days while saying he can't take off time? I get the feeling you haven't really discussed what you've posted with him, is that a correct assumption?
Author jen1234 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Thats all he said about the needing to go diving to get his hours in and me saving up for a nice hol so we can go together and that he got this deal cheap that why hes going for so long. He didnt say anything else. don't think he thinks he's done anything wrong and i havent spoken to him since!
Hkizzle Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Before you dump him, make sure you put some helium in his tank.....
Trialbyfire Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 jen, this isn't as simple as it looks, at first glance. If you can't afford to take a holiday this year, why would you resent him taking a holiday he can afford, right now? Also, after a year of dating, planning for a holiday a year in the future, is basically asking for a commitment for the future. Have the two of you discussed the future, in non-holiday terms?
Vet Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Thats all he said about the needing to go diving to get his hours in and me saving up for a nice hol so we can go together and that he got this deal cheap that why hes going for so long. He didnt say anything else. don't think he thinks he's done anything wrong and i havent spoken to him since! And you're just planning on dumping him without communicating with him about why his actions have upset you? Sounds like you're jumping the gun here.
Author jen1234 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 He was talking about planning for october half term when im off, I was thinking it will take me till next summer to save up for a nice holiday! I also brought up us moving in together somewhere (we both have our own places) and he said he's not ready because he's not sure i like him (gave no reasons why he thinks that). He's never mentioned anything else about the future.
Trialbyfire Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 jen, why are you afraid to ask him for clear answers? Why haven't you answered my clear question about resenting him going on vacation, when you can't afford it?
loveslife Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Jen, you posted the same stuff about this guy two weeks ago. People basically said all the same things then. Nobody could really figure out what the real problem is here. People aren't necessarily selfish if they want to go on a holiday alone. Diving seems to be his thing. But there seems to be something more going on here and you just want to be able to call him selfish.
Vet Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 He was talking about planning for october half term when im off, I was thinking it will take me till next summer to save up for a nice holiday! I also brought up us moving in together somewhere (we both have our own places) and he said he's not ready because he's not sure i like him (gave no reasons why he thinks that). He's never mentioned anything else about the future. Well, it probably has something to do with you being ready to bolt at the drop of a hat. You're seriously considering breaking up with him over this, and you haven't even told him about it. People can sense these sorts of things; that might have something to do with why he's hesitant.
Trialbyfire Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Jen, you posted the same stuff about this guy two weeks ago. People basically said all the same things then. Nobody could really figure out what the real problem is here. People aren't necessarily selfish if they want to go on a holiday alone. Diving seems to be his thing. But there seems to be something more going on here and you just want to be able to call him selfish.Oh, did she post previously about this? I didn't do any backchecking.
loveslife Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Oh, did she post previously about this? I didn't do any backchecking. It seemed familiar so I did check her previous posts. I remember when it was originally posted this was an exercise in futility. There's clearly more to it than what she's saying.
Author jen1234 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 There isn't anything more to it than what i'm saying!
Vet Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 There isn't anything more to it than what i'm saying! Break up with him then; you obviously cannot communicate with him at all.
Author jen1234 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 I have spoken to him about it on several occasions! He has disregarded what i have said!
Vet Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I have spoken to him about it on several occasions! He has disregarded what i have said! Then why did you not press him for an answer to your questions? Conversations don't work like what you're saying. Jen: Honey, I'm concerned that I said I wanted us to spend some time together while I was on break from teaching, but you said you couldn't get time off of work right now. Then you scheduled a holiday three weeks from now. What's changed and why did you not consult me? BF: I don't want to talk about this. Jen: .....well, okay then!
Recommended Posts