dounat826 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Can be a bit long..I've been married now for 3 years and we dated for 2 prior to getting married. Friends for over 10 yrs. The first 3.5 years were good but we've declined quickly. The sex was great but it stopped right after marriage. I try and try and it's one excuse after another. He now wants to sell the house we bought 2 years ago next week and get a divorce. I'm trying to hold on but feel like i'm miserable all the time. He drinks more than ever now to the point where when I get home after work (he gets home over an hour earlier) he's already in a position where he can't have a conversation and if I try to say anything about anything he jumps down my throat. My son lives with us but he's 22 and barely around, tries to help me with chores and gets yelled at because it's not his house. He pays a minimal rent and cooks dinner for all of us if he gets home early even. His friends that come over occassionally are also very helpful and polite. He was always pretty sloppy and i'm ok with that now it's gotten so bad last night he put his cigarette out on the bathroom vanity and left it there and then denied it was him. No one else was in the house. He's got so many projects started around the house it's ridiculous. He started cleaning the garage 3 weeks ago and it looks worse now. He took down a part of our deck 2 month's ago and it's still in a pile, he started a pizza oven last year and it's a heap of concrete in the back yard, the list could go on and on. He leaves his magazines all over the house and if I ask him to pick them up, he blows up and takes his good (expensive) books and tears them up or throws them in to our fire pit and burns them. This can't be normal. He works full-time. (PERIOD) I work full-time, take care of the chores, dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, bills, garbage, taking care of the pool and a host of other things that go with it. When I ask for help, I get "Stop telling me what to do" if I mention things that aren't finished, I get "you keep asking me to do some thing else". I went away for the weekend with my brother and his family and hoped he would do some of the chores. No luck, the dishes were even waiting for me, didn't even touch any of the projects he started, never called a friend who asked him for help, which he said he'd would. I've asked him to go places and do things, he never wants to. Has no interest in anything that has personal contact with me or anyone else. Or he'll say yes, and at the last minute he's sick or something. What do I do - he won't go to counseling (I go occassionally for sanity purposes) - i've asked and asked.
IntoLove Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Give him some time to realize he is declining .. After realizing he may want to work things out . If it does not happen , then just divorce him . But time...give him some time if you still have some affection for him .
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 If the house is in joint names, he can't sell it without your say-so. if it's just in his name, it may be a bit more difficult to halt - but you're entitled to half. I'd let him get on with it. he sounds like a total waste of space, and you'll be far better off without him. He doesn't need time. He needs a good kick up the @$$.....
giotto Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Give him some time to realize he is declining .. he won't... until he quits the bottle!
Devil Inside Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 First off...ouch...sorry...sounds like a horrible situation. I think he has an alcohol issue. I don't know if he is going to have the capability to work on a relationship until he works on that problem first. I would prepare for a divorce. Get an attorney. Get into counseling and work on setting boundaries. Get some supportive friends and family. Sorry.
Teslacoil Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 What's he spend all his time doing? Drinking? Sounds to me like he won't turn around until he's hit bottom. If he's asking you for a divorce, then unfortunately "bottom" isn't losing you, since he's willing to do that. If you're trying to save your marriage, then all I can say is that to save any marriage, no matter how terribly wounded or slightly injured it is, requires both people to want to save it. It doesn't sound to me like your husband has any interest at all in saving your marriage. Unless you can somehow persuade him that your marriage has some value, and you should work to salvage your relationship, it might be easiest to take the quickest highway to divorce-land that you can get. Move on with your life. Your husband sounds like he has serious problems with drinking, and he sounds manic-depressive to me. Starting huge projects and then being too lazy to ever finish them and being pissed off about them is a good symptom of that.
Author dounat826 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 Yes the house is in both of our names and last night all of a sudden is sick again because my family wants to get together this weekend and celebrate my birthday....it's an ugly circle and my patience is wearing
stillafool Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I think your husband is drinking so much because he is unhappy. You said he wants a divorce but you didn't say why he wants to divorce you. Is he not in love? Whatever the reason, if he has expressed he wants a divorce and continually treats you the way he does, why are you trying to hold on to him? Give him his divorce.
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