Scottdmw Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Honestly though, all men watch porn, it's just how they are. I wish there was a way to not let it bother you, I mean..I'd rather my boyfriend watch porn when we can't have sex than actually go have sex with another woman. I feel like porn is harmless. However if you have spoken to him and told him you really do not want him watching that and he disrespects your wishes, that's a whole other ballgame. I'd try sitting down and really letting him know why you don't want him to and telling him it upsets you that he isn't respecting your wishes. It is not true that all men watch porn, though probably most. I haven't watched any at all for well over a year, and hardly any for years before that. I try to stay away from it because I believe that's what God wants of me, and because I believe it is harmful to my ability to have a healthy relationship with a real woman. I don't want to be in the situation your boyfriend is in, where I'm hurting the person I love. That said, it is very, very difficult sometimes. Modern porn is like crack for men, it's really hard to stay away from. A man has to be strongly motivated and really want to. If your man doesn't for his own sake, I don't know if you'll be able to get him to change. The best I would suggest if you want to go that route is do some research on the net to find other men who have decided they want to stop looking at porn, and share that with your boyfriend. Do tell him that it hurts you, but do your best to say it in such a way that you are not demanding any particular outcome. Tell him you are in pain and leave it up to him what he will do about it. Don't nag him or harp on it, but mention it occasionally. Understand that it is a difficult thing to ask him. Scott
Trialbyfire Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 And the men that eat it all up? That spend time downloading her? Looking at her body and thinking good things about it? Wheether it's real or not? If a girl who does porn is pathetic. What is the man that looks at the porn, enjoys it and spends time admiring that girl's body and sexual performance?If you want to look at it that way, that's your choice. Overall, the insecurity/jealousy is built on perception, isn't it? As long as it's not an addiction, is it worthwhile to get your knickers in a twist over it? My stance is that porn has never threatened me. I neither support it or don't. What I support is a change in perception within women, so it doesn't affect them or if it affects them, it's time to look at why. More often than not, as with Pash, there are greater relationship/internal problems and the porn is only being used as the scapegoat.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 If you want to look at it that way, that's your choice. Overall, the insecurity/jealousy is built on perception, isn't it? As long as it's not an addiction, is it worthwhile to get your knickers in a twist over it? My stance is that porn has never threatened me. I neither support it or don't. What I support is a change in perception within women, so it doesn't affect them or if it affects them, it's time to look at why. More often than not, as with Pash, there are greater relationship/internal problems and the porn is only being used as the scapegoat. If that's the way I want to look at it? I asked questions about how a man that viewed porn should be viewed because the women who do porn are put down from men and women alike. But I digress. If you expect a change in perception in women, on why it affects them or that it shouldn't. Why is it wrong to ask for a change in the perception of men for the same? I find it ironic that we ask porn not to affect women in certain ways but we are all okay with it affecting men. As long as the affect is positive. I don't see much positive in porn. I don't see how my perception should be the one to change. Maybe it's the men out there that view porn whose perceptions of women, both the women in porn and their own women, whose perceptions should change. Demanding one gender view thigns differently and not holding the other gender up to the same light seems unjust.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 While pornography can become an addiction, it's not necessary true that all men are addicted to it. I know many guys who don't find porn satisfying and would prefer the company of their SOs. OP, if your SO is constantly watching nude photos and keeping a large variety on his personal computer, then he might have a problem. It's a form of disrespect if he watches it in front of you, or goes behind your back to watch it to get off. If it creates friction in your R, then it's a problem.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 I know you've got this bee in your bonnet about porn, JS, your assumptions that all men watch porn, are pigs, and that men are "a bunch of hypocrites" and "they (men) want to look at porn of the women they really want, then want you to be sweet and spread your legs so he can polish himself off, getting the best of both worlds." Your generalizations are sweeping, but you are welcome to your misandry. It's a free country. Well lets be fair Thaddeus. I never said men were pigs. And I don't think it. Don't throw that in there with other "qoutes" and make it seem like thats what I am saying just because that's what you *feel* I am saying. And yes, men can easily be hypocrites on this subject but why don't you qoute things in the context they were meant instead of qouting them to suit your own purpose. And many men do get pleasure from watching porn and then having sex with their partner after they watched porn. What's a girl to think? He got excited from the other women then used his to finish off the job. A + B = C you know? You complain about generalizations but you make your own sweeping ones. Calling me a misandrist makes no sense. Because I said men are hypocrites about male and female sexuality? Because I don't want to be the main course after he got excited over other women? SHould women now be happy with these scraps of afffection? And if we are not we hate men? Give me a break. If the dude were here with me now, I'd slap him upside the head (metaphorically speaking). He's got a vibrant, intelligent and attractive woman right in front of his nose. WTF is he doing looking at computer images on a monitor??? Alot of men do it. Real women aren't as wonderful and exciting as the fantasy of what men wished women were.
boogieboy Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 . Real women aren't as wonderful and exciting as the fantasy of what men wished women were. Look at you putting down your entire gender.... Maybe you arent, but all the women I've been with have ALWAYS been wonderful and exciting. I never had to wish, and I didnt need porn to supplement. I'll just stay out of your part of Jersey if all the women there are like you and arent wonderful and exciting.
Trialbyfire Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 If that's the way I want to look at it? I asked questions about how a man that viewed porn should be viewed because the women who do porn are put down from men and women alike.As someone who isn't into porn, I can relate better with men who don't think much of it either. I expect that women have more self-respect than to get involved in the skin industry for nothing but the almighty buck. That's my value judgement. Men and women who enjoy viewing porn, are getting something from it, without having to do every Tom, Dick and Henrietta. You're welcome to pass judgement over my attitude. But I digress. If you expect a change in perception in women, on why it affects them or that it shouldn't. Why is it wrong to ask for a change in the perception of men for the same? I find it ironic that we ask porn not to affect women in certain ways but we are all okay with it affecting men. As long as the affect is positive. I don't see much positive in porn. I don't see how my perception should be the one to change. Maybe it's the men out there that view porn whose perceptions of women, both the women in porn and their own women, whose perceptions should change. Demanding one gender view thigns differently and not holding the other gender up to the same light seems unjust.Most men view porn. Some women view porn. You're asking for a change in perception of the majority of the adult population. I'm suggesting that if something isn't an addiction, but a simple fantasy, for each individual woman to shrug it off as what it is, nothing but fantasy. Life's too short to stress about petty issues.
boogieboy Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Most men view porn. Some women view porn. You're asking for a change in perception of the majority of the adult population. . I just had to throw in that Fighting the "guys are visual" battle is always a loss. Since the beginning of media (like paintings on cave walls, scrolls, books) porn is what started all these things, and porn is always at the forefront of technology, and women do it because they need money, or they like it. As far as I know, women arent seen as just objects in the industry, they are 50% of it. Its the biggest business. Some people do get addicted. but Pashn, its already been said here, you do need to find out from him what is missing in your relationship that you get neglected by his porn viewing. Im pretty sure that he's always been like this, he wont change, and you will have to make a brutal choice.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Look at you putting down your entire gender.... Maybe you arent, but all the women I've been with have ALWAYS been wonderful and exciting. I never had to wish, and I didnt need porn to supplement. I'll just stay out of your part of Jersey if all the women there are like you and arent wonderful and exciting. I'm not putting my gender down. I am only sharing the message that alot of men end up giving women about porn and real women. If the women in porn weren't so exciting to men, men would not have this grip they do on porn. If real women were exciting and what men fantazied about, alot more men would be having fantasies about their own *normal* woman. Not some cartoonish over the top extreme version of a woman. Please feel free to come to Jersey or stay out. That's up to you. But don't make swarmy comments that are really thinely veiled put-downs. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- As someone who isn't into porn, I can relate better with men who don't think much of it either. I expect that women have more self-respect than to get involved in the skin industry for nothing but the almighty buck. That's my value judgement. Men and women who enjoy viewing porn, are getting something from it, without having to do every Tom, Dick and Henrietta. You're welcome to pass judgement over my attitude. Trial, everyone here passes judgement over each other's attitudes, you included. Me included. That's what this board is. And I agree that people who view porn are clearly getting something out of it. I also think people don't want to admit to the extent that porn is consumed behind closed doors where no one is looking and holding anyone up to personal accountiblity. Most men view porn. Some women view porn. You're asking for a change in perception of the majority of the adult population. I'm suggesting that if something isn't an addiction, but a simple fantasy, for each individual woman to shrug it off as what it is, nothing but fantasy. Life's too short to stress about petty issues Who says it's a petty issue? I don't consider it petty at all. I don't think the degradement of an entire gender is a small thing. Whether it's under the guise of fantasy or not. We would NEVER say it was okay to demean a religious or ethinic group even if it was "just fantasy". Why do we allow it when it comes to women? I don't understand how men with women in their lives, are okay with using and seeing other women used for one purpose and setting up a horribly bleeped up perception of women. In porn, women aren't allowed to have feelings. They aren't allowed to be people. And men don't want to see them as people. They want to see them as basically just something to use and throw away. I think think that sets up alot of men and young boys to fail in their relationship with women. Especially with the boon of the internet and young boys seeing more things sooner. I don't see us living a world with better relationships. While I do agree that the majority of the male adult and non-adult population does look at porn, I am not going to stand there and shrug my shoulders and say "oh well" or pretend it's a petty issue when it's really not. Men would NEVEr stand for themselves being treated in the same manner women are often treatd in porn. If everyone excepted the status-que, alot of things would have remained the same through-out the years. The internet is fairly new and I think we have yet to see the ramifications entirely or have it all figured out. Maybe the world won't change today but I really hope that if men really do love and respect women, they will start treating women that way even when no one is looking. I think a deeper respect for both genders is the key to better relationships. But a mutli -billion industry supported by mostly men that is about the debasement and inhumanity fo the female gender isn't going to get us there. -------------------------------------------------------------------- I just had to throw in that Fighting the "guys are visual" battle is always a loss. Since the beginning of media (like paintings on cave walls, scrolls, books) porn is what started all these things, and porn is always at the forefront of technology, and women do it because they need money, or they like it. As far as I know, women arent seen as just objects in the industry, they are 50% of it. Its the biggest business. Some people do get addicted. No one saying that wanting to see others having sex isn't normal. However, what isn't normal is the time, level, and deepening affect of porn on the average person and how often people look at it now. So what if there were cave drawings of porn back in the day? What do you think that proves? You think that is honestly comparable to the way porn is used today and what me ntoday are looking at? yeah right.
borbiusle Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I honestly don't see the difference with guys watching porn vs. girls who eat up sappy love movies featuring prince charming. I'd say low self-esteem is to blame for those who feel deeply offended by watching either.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Well next time you turn on a James Bond movie or watch Die Hard, you remember that. Because the reality is that THOSE movies are comparable to female mushy movies. Not pornos.
Recommended Posts