i'mfaraway Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I met this guy and I emailed him about my work issues and added casually that we should go out sometime (not a date but just hang out). He replied with enthusiasm though it was a close-ended reply. I forgot about it after noting that his reply was a polite one or that he wasn't that interested about hanging out. Am I a flake or am I overthinking it?
Thaddeus Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 He probably took your hesitation as if you simply weren't interested, or (even worse) that you would like him as a 'friend' (there's no harder kick in the stones for a man than to be told "let's just be friends") and that you're not interested in a meaningful relationship.
Author i'mfaraway Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 He probably took your hesitation as if you simply weren't interested, or (even worse) that you would like him as a 'friend' (there's no harder kick in the stones for a man than to be told "let's just be friends") and that you're not interested in a meaningful relationship. He knows where to reach me since we've emailed. Wouldn't he check about the hanging out if he had wanted to? Besides, one would read his reply as more polite than real enthusiasm, no?
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 He probably took your hesitation as if you simply weren't interested, or (even worse) that you would like him as a 'friend' (there's no harder kick in the stones for a man than to be told "let's just be friends") and that you're not interested in a meaningful relationship. I agree... That just friends crap will kill it for any man, no guy wants to hear that! You should have not added the friends thing, even if you wasnt intending that.
WTRanger Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 He might not be in this for just a hang out buddy. This guys owes nothing to you if he's not in it for friends. When a guy and girl meet, they are not biologically built for "just friends." If that were the case, humans would be a dead end species. Here's my take. You told him you'd like to hang out. He responded that he would. You failed to respond which equals you are no longer interested. The ball was in your court. You brought up the fact of hanging out, it was on your plate to schedule the time. I can, without a shadow of a doubt, say that if a guy asks a girl if she wants to hang out, she says yes, she'll expect him to make the plans since he was the one who brought it up. Well, this is equality in reverse. You brought it up, you make the plans.
BCCA Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 When you say 'close-ended' reply, what exactly do you mean? Did he say anything about wanting to hang out? I forgot about it after noting that his reply was a polite one or that he wasn't that interested about hanging out Did you not follow up at all? Because if that was me, and I made it obvious that I was interested, or at least said something along the lines of 'sure', and you didnt respond at all, I would think you changed your mind or were never really interested.
Devil Inside Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I don't know if your flaky...maybe forgetful. If I were him, I wouldn't contact you again. He said yes to your offer and you said nothing...I would assume you are not that interested or it was just a courtesy to say that initially on your part.
Author i'mfaraway Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 Chrome Barracuda, WTRanger, I didn't mention the let's-be-friends part. I didn't even allude to anything like that even though I didn't make it out to be a date date. Did you guys pick up on something that it's definitely a friend thing? BCCA, he said something along the lines of sure, let's do something. I find that a bit lame since it was like he had to say that to be polite. I may be asking for too much but him suggesting something would be better than just going with what I suggested in the first place. BCCA, Devil Inside, what's your advice on me asking again? If you were him, would your reply be affirmative the second time around?
BCCA Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 BCCA, he said something along the lines of sure, let's do something. I find that a bit lame since it was like he had to say that to be polite. I may be asking for too much but him suggesting something would be better than just going with what I suggested in the first place. See, to me it sounded like he was being agreeable, but wanted to let you decide what to do, since you asked. Otherwise, what you did was a backdoor way of getting him to ask you out, which is what us guys consider lame:p What you could have done was to give him your schedule, which would give him the opportunity to suggest doing something, and would also give him an idea of what you wanted to do. 'Im free for lunch Tuesday' requires a lot less planning than 'I'm off all weekend'. You didnt even let him know when you were available, how could he know what kind of plans to make or for when, and keep in mind -as a guy- we dont want to have to decide if youre really 'busy' at any certain time, we want to know when you arent, and hang out then. BCCA, Devil Inside, what's your advice on me asking again? If you were him, would your reply be affirmative the second time around? Just tell him youre really sorry, but your life got hectic, and you just didnt have any free time. BUT you have time on x,y,z days, if he is free. He either goes with it or he doesnt. A lot of what determines his reaction will be his situation. If its unchanged since last time, he'll probably say yes again. If he met some hot girl or got 3 numbers last weekend, he might not. Who knows, he might think youre a flake, and if anything close to this happens again, he will for sure. All you can do is try, right?
Author i'mfaraway Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 I guess I was hoping for something more than a close-ended reply, like OK, whatever. He wasn't offering much else, at least that was how I read into it. So I was a bit of a flake.
Recommended Posts