What to do?

[BklynGuy]

I have a question for all of you. I was with a girl for 4 1/2 years. She's Italian and I'm black. I loved her with all of my heart & soul and still do. She cheated on me. However, she changed after it seemed like I was cheating. (Too close to a female friend, looked very suspicious but wasn't.) The last year just wasn't the same. I was going through some issues and we both missed opportunities within the relationship. On July 12, she dumps me over the phone when I bring up cheating. Then, she says "If you love someone set them free, if it comes back it's meant to be." I say that will not happen and she says "Sorry you feel that way." 2 months later, I realize how she had been dogging me while we were a couple. She sends me a card and tells me she misses me, etc. This was my chance to vent since we hadn't spoken since the breakup. I let her have it! I spoke to her in a way I never have before! I wanted to marry this girl. Then she says I didn't want to break up w/you but had to. I think she was trying to avoid the "cheating landmine". I was w/her since age 19 and she was 20. We seemed to have a pretty good relationship. Ups and downs but alright overall. She always told me to make something of my life after I had trouble when I graduated college. After we spoke, I ran back to her the next night. She seemed receptive (body language) but told me she stood by the breakup. I think this is because I was coming on strong about her cheating on me. She asked me about kids and sunday dinners. I didn't know what to think. I was baffled. One day she dumps me, then tells me she didn't want to, then tells me she's glad she did? WTF? Then she posts in her aol profile - make something of your life and I might come back. My heart is still breaking but I love her and want her back in one way. She says she's not coming back to a childish relationship. She always seemed to doubt "us" in a way. I was sure about us and what I felt. She isn't with me but do you think there is hope?

[donnist]

Its sounds like you both need a time out. If there is doubts in anyone of your hearts then everything needs to be re-evaluated. You have to think about what is best for yourself at the present time. [because you guys are not together]. Understand what issues you are willing to accept and compromise and understand what youre not able to deal with. Trust plays a big role now being that the two of you allowed outside extras in between the two of you.

 

Best of Luck,

Donnist

[BklynGuy]

The only other thing is I think my status in life somehow played a role. She would ALWAYS tell me to do something w/my life. She'd preach it! I went to college but after graduation couldn't find a job in my career field. This was a big blow to me. I went back to college after a year but began falling apart. I have been in a long downward spiral. She has a BA and is working on MA. She breaks up w/me and lets 2 months go by. Then asks me how I'm doing and I tell her about some things I'm doing. Then I tell her I signed up for the Police, and she says "become a detective, I'll help you." But I was so mad, I vented on her like crazy! She asks about kids and I tell her I don't want to have anything to do w/her. I still love her and want her back but I dunno. Then I call her a few weeks later and she tells me to "live my life." I don't understand the whole dating scene. Just when u think you have a good person and have it figured out, they come out of left field. What is the point? Give another person your all and they just reject you.

[donnist]

Maybe you change.. initially you had everything going for you.. with enthusiam and all then not being able to find work hit you so hard that your spirit became a moaping sag.. grim and huanting... moving her away from you. You may need to get off of that horse and realize that there are porches to be driven.. in other words dont get stuck too much on the past.. understand it and why it happened. Move on by initiating new goals and pursuing old ones. thats the best advice I can give.

[BklynGuy]

Jeez, I was a fool. I met my ex when we worked the same job 4 1/2 years ago. She is Italian and I'm black. We come from completely different backgrounds and are just not the same. We all have 2 faces. She comes from a well rounded, family oriented background. I come from a broken home. I fell for her HARD! We were together for a long time but she's a year older than me. She went to college & became a teacher. I went to school for computers but didn't get a job when I graduated. Economy and blah,blah,blah. I let myself slip into a slump for 2 years I am now realizing. Went back to school and got a job when I told my ex I was quitting the current one. She dumps me! Then gets back w/me after 1 week. New job doesn't work out, did poorly in school, all she'd do is tell me to make a life for myself. I tried but kept slipping. I was failing her and didn't realize it. Last summer I hit rock-bottom. Didn't sign up for college or anything(Great idea listening to lazy friends.) She was cheating & I knew but couldn't face it. Then she dumps me over the phone when I confront her about cheating! Walks away & says re-prioritize. I wanted to marry her & have kids. We had a good relationship for the most part. Thought I'd never hear from her again. 2 months later, she sends me a card in the mail. I run back to her and scream on her for cheating!! I couldn't believe she did that to me! I guess that kinda drove her away. Then she says "If you love someone set them free, if it comes back it's meant to be." I want her back so badly, but I dunno if she's coming back. She's always been further ahead in life than me and said I'm not coming back until we both know where we're going, both feet on the ground, and blah,blah,blah. I miss her sooooooooooooo much. I have decided I'll forgive her for cheating if she ever does decide to. Am I being a fool for holding onto hope?