dreamergrl Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I dont think its harsh, but I dont think it would be the only reason. A pregnancy is a wake up call to some kind of commitment. She may have realized after having the abortion that she shouldnt be with a guy she wasnt that into. Not a far fetched idea, I'm just speculating though. She really doesnt want to be WITH him which is the bottom line. We don't know that for sure. Did I miss it somewhere? How long between the abortion and her decided she wanted space? Was there any of this behavior prior to the abortion? How did she act post abortion? Was it hard for her? Is it possible you didn't give her the support she needed, and she feels resentful? Or maybe she just resents you for being a part of this situation? I still stand by my opinion. If it weren't for the abortion, I'd agree with Boogie, but because of the abortion, I think it's a different situation. I also think she's got some pent up feelings and she needs to get them out in a healthy way.
PhantomSunrise Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Unfortunately, I'll have to agree with dreamergirl. From what I've seen of her posts, I usually think she's a few lights short of a bright room. But in this case, she's right an abortion will cause too many emotions; it's just not black and white with an abortion. But then again, for someone to get an abortion in the first place, they have some issues, selfish, only see themselves, etc. (usually). So this girl is not worth much, imo. Let her go
Fay Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 As long as you keep in touch she will get over you faster. She needs to miss you, and as long as shes keeping tabs on you, shes not missing you, know what I mean?. I STRONGLY DISAGREE. IME, the clean break is the quickest way to get over a guy. When I keep in contact, he stays in my head for a set period of time after the last time I talked to him. As long as he still exists in my life I'm prevented from mentally moving on completely. Why do you think they invented NC? The moment communication is cut off completely, that's when you start to get over someone.
Fay Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 But then again, for someone to get an abortion in the first place, they have some issues, selfish, only see themselves, etc. (usually). Oh yeah, I see what you're saying. It's a lot more altruistic to populate the world with babies of teenage mothers in unstable/nonexistent relationships.
boogieboy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I STRONGLY DISAGREE. IME, the clean break is the quickest way to get over a guy. When I keep in contact, he stays in my head for a set period of time after the last time I talked to him. As long as he still exists in my life I'm prevented from mentally moving on completely. Why do you think they invented NC? The moment communication is cut off completely, that's when you start to get over someone. Yeah but it rarely seems to work that way. Theres constant posts about dumpers who try to stay friends with ex's. Theres rarely clean breaks around here. Everyones confused, and everyone needs space, then the dumpers keep calling. Its just what happens, that all. Phantom, theres nothing wrong with abortion, The girl is 20 and not married, not ready for that kind of commitment, and doesnt want a baby with THIS guy. Its the smart thing for her or anyone to do. Dreamer has some very valid questions, I want to see what IntergraC has to say.
CaliGuy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Just give her some space. Maybe she wants to enjoy her life being single and young before getting into marriage. But abortion is not a solution inorder to avoid conflicts being not ready on parenthood. The time you performed adult activities which results to pregnancy is not a mistake because both of you are aware of the things that might happen. Off topic, who's that in your avatar?
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Integra, I hate to say it, but the masses are probably right. Space = break up Be friends = break up Neither are good signs. Both together are disasterous. I've known a few girls who have had abortions over the years, and within a month or two, every one of them split up with their guys, and none of them got back together. Like Dreamer said, when a girl has an abortion, regardless of her reason or motivation, the event and loss stirs up a whole lotta s**t, that, try as we might, we (as guys) just can't fully understand. It may hurt us, but not to the same extent it does to women. Like it or not, as the guy involved, your presence only reminds her of that loss. Hopefully I'm wrong. I'd like nothing more than for you to come back here a few months from now and say "hey, remember when she said she needed her space? Well, we got back together a few days later and we've been going strong ever since!" Give her her space. Who knows? You might beat the odds. But it's not likely. Sorry, man.
Author IntegraC Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Thanks guys, yah I have a gut feeling it's over too. I guess I'll do my grieving and move on. But if it changes, yah I'll let you guys know. Appreciate the insight.
dreamergrl Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Did I miss it somewhere? How long between the abortion and her decided she wanted space? Was there any of this behavior prior to the abortion? How did she act post abortion? Was it hard for her? Is it possible you didn't give her the support she needed, and she feels resentful? Or maybe she just resents you for being a part of this situation? Op ... I was hoping you could shed some light ....
Author IntegraC Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Oh sorry missed that Q. Well she had the abortion on the 23rd of July. She mentioned space this Sunday, the 16th. She took the pregnancy sort of hard. She wished it would go away on its own, or hoped she could hide it. I told her we can keep it if she wants, either way it's her call. And eventually she decided against keeping it. After the abortion she was very calm, which I found very suprising because I would have expected her to be mourning. I went to all the doctor visits, offered to go in with her throughout the whole procedure but she said it's ok for me to wait in the waiting room even after I asked again. I mean I always asked her if she's 100% sure this is what she wants. I think I gave her the support, but hey maybe I'm wrong, but I tried my very best at least.
dreamergrl Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Oh sorry missed that Q. Well she had the abortion on the 23rd of July. She mentioned space this Sunday, the 16th. After the abortion she was very calm, which I found very suprising because I would have expected her to be mourning. In according to the above ... it sounds like she was confining her feelings. Suppressing them, and bottling them up. I think it started eating at her, hence the recent moodiness. I bet she's taking it out on you, because you played an active role in the situation. She wants to place blame. I'm not saying it is right or wrong that she's doing that however, I think it comes with the age. She took the pregnancy sort of hard. She wished it would go away on its own, or hoped she could hide it. I told her we can keep it if she wants, either way it's her call. And eventually she decided against keeping it. Hide it? Obviously she was struggling with the right and wrong thing to do. And I think it extended post abortion. Perhaps, because you're older, more mature (I'm just going with this by your age), and she's still quite young and I'm guessing less experienced, she was turning to you to help make the choice. You were being supportive, but you weren't getting your input. I went to all the doctor visits, offered to go in with her throughout the whole procedure but she said it's ok for me to wait in the waiting room even after I asked again. I mean I always asked her if she's 100% sure this is what she wants. Again, you asked and asked her questions, but you never gave your honest opinion. It was put all on her to make a choice, and now she's struggling to figure out what the right choice was. And the worst part, is she knows that if it was the wrong choice, there's no fixing it. It's a touchy subject for some people, because it's a life. I think I gave her the support, but hey maybe I'm wrong, but I tried my very best at least.
kizik Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Dear Fay You are the definition of jaded Passive aggressive Overly Defensive And bitchy. Have a nice day. How's it going, Thomas X? Glad to see you being helpful and positive, as usual.
dreamergrl Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 OP - Just to let you know, I'm not saying you didn't try to give her support, and you didn't try your best, I'm just giving my imput on why she is acting the way she is. I think a terminated pregnancy, however it happens, can be a very difficult thing to process regardless.
boogieboy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Oh sorry missed that Q. Well she had the abortion on the 23rd of July. She mentioned space this Sunday, the 16th. She took the pregnancy sort of hard. She wished it would go away on its own, or hoped she could hide it. I told her we can keep it if she wants, either way it's her call. And eventually she decided against keeping it. After the abortion she was very calm, which I found very suprising because I would have expected her to be mourning. I went to all the doctor visits, offered to go in with her throughout the whole procedure but she said it's ok for me to wait in the waiting room even after I asked again. I mean I always asked her if she's 100% sure this is what she wants. I think I gave her the support, but hey maybe I'm wrong, but I tried my very best at least. How were her actions towards you BEFORE she got pregnant?
Author IntegraC Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Her actions before were great. We always had fun, and any arguments were always solved easily and no issues or fights or crap. That's why I'm so boggled by the recent turn of events. Like dreamergrl says I really do think the flood of emotions of the pregnancy/abortion is hitting her finally and she is getting scared maybe. I don't know. Yah I guess I could've been more defenite in my answer to her regarding the choice of what to do, and I accept full blame for not communicating better.
dreamergrl Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 If everything was fine pre-pregnancy, I'm chalking it up to the abortion. You can either give her the space she wants, and be there when she's ready - or move on. I wouldn't push contact.
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