Emotionally detaching

August 19, 2009

My past two relationships that ended in me being dumped both had the signs of emotionally detaching. First time I was to dumb to see it, second time I knew but did not go with my gut.

Women mostly emotionally detach before they drop the bomb. Usually consist of less sex, more of I'm tired. Calling and she's busy with the I will call you back soon but she doesn't. Starts hanging out with her friends more and more probably discussing you.

I used to wonder how could They go from speaking to me everyday to nothing and it's ok with them, because their plan was set in motion awhile ago

August 19, 2009

Women mostly emotionally detach before they drop the bomb. Usually consist of less sex, more of I'm tired. Calling and she's busy with the I will call you back soon but she doesn't. Starts hanging out with her friends more and more probably discussing you.

spot on. i made a list once i had reflected on the relationship. see if anything else matches up:-

Starts going out with friends more
They stay over less often
They have less time to see you
they want to go out in a group rather than just with you
Start going to the gym a lot and have a make over
Spends more time on the laptop/internet
Sex stops or drops to a minimum
they go quiet or start to go distant
they start to nit pick at things that were never a problem
you speak less online or on the phone(less texting too)
they go to bed/sleep earlier
they sleep facing away from you
they stop making plans for the medium and long term, like holiday and settling down
they start to roll their eyes or talk under their breath
they dont laugh at your jokes anymore
they dont return compliments or as touchy feely
They are reluctant to be seen naked infront of you

But it still felt it came out of the blue and a shock and didnt really pick up the warning signs. By the time she broke up with me it was too late for me to fix things. So frustrating that she never brought issues up while she was into me.

August 19, 2009

spot on. i made a list once i had reflected on the relationship. see if anything else matches up:-

Starts going out with friends more
They stay over less often
They have less time to see you
they want to go out in a group rather than just with you
Start going to the gym a lot and have a make over
Spends more time on the laptop/internet
Sex stops or drops to a minimum
they go quiet or start to go distant
they start to nit pick at things that were never a problem
you speak less online or on the phone(less texting too)
they go to bed/sleep earlier
they sleep facing away from you
they stop making plans for the medium and long term, like holiday and settling down
they start to roll their eyes or talk under their breath
they dont laugh at your jokes anymore
they dont return compliments or as touchy feely
They are reluctant to be seen naked infront of you
But it still felt it came out of the blue and a shock and didnt really pick up the warning signs. By the time she broke up with me it was too late for me to fix things. So frustrating that she never brought issues up while she was into me.

crap these are all the things that have happened to me. I didnt even realise at all...... too late now tho

August 19, 2009

It's not just women who emotionally detach. Anyone (male or female) who is starting to think about breaking up or just losing interest will start doing many of those things on that list. (Brilliant list, btw!)

August 19, 2009

My past two relationships that ended in me being dumped both had the signs of emotionally detaching. First time I was to dumb to see it, second time I knew but did not go with my gut.

Women mostly emotionally detach before they drop the bomb. Usually consist of less sex, more of I'm tired. Calling and she's busy with the I will call you back soon but she doesn't. Starts hanging out with her friends more and more probably discussing you.

I used to wonder how could They go from speaking to me everyday to nothing and it's ok with them, because their plan was set in motion awhile ago

Question is, what are you doing to turn these women off?

I think in the next relationship you will notice it right away and do something then.

August 19, 2009

I am going through a very painful break up with my g/f of eight years. We lived together for 2 years and reading through that list I can spot a few signs that should have been warning signs in hindsight.

However what I am struggling to understand is why women never sit you down and have a proper conversation about issues. In my case my g/f is adamant she will not change her mind about us trying again...there is no third party, she is moving back to her Mums, and she is throwing away everything. Its not as if I cheated or physically abused her, she says we just drifted apart, and she loves me but not in that way, and she doesn't even want to try and fix the minor problems we had. I just took her for granted for a while as I got too comfortable in the relationship.

I have noticed that women can quickly forget the good times and risk everything before giving a relationship a chance.

August 19, 2009

However what I am struggling to understand is why women never sit you down and have a proper conversation about issues. In my case my g/f is adamant she will not change her mind about us trying again...there is no third party, she is moving back to her Mums, and she is throwing away everything. Its not as if I cheated or physically abused her, she says we just drifted apart, and she loves me but not in that way, and she doesn't even want to try and fix the minor problems we had. I just took her for granted for a while as I got too comfortable in the relationship.

I have noticed that women can quickly forget the good times and risk everything before giving a relationship a chance.

I can relate to that. Why cant they speak up about issues? Is it because we miss the silent treament when they want us to ask what is up? Are they not direct enough with what the problem is and want us to work it out for ourselfs. Are we expected to mind read? Why do they sometimes mean the opposite of what they say. when you ask them shall we do plan a or plan b they wont decide then later on complain because they wanted to do the other plan?

They never speak up until it is too late! Women like to sit on issues and bottle them up into one big one. A man will fix the issues but cant until they are told what the issues are! then really minor things become a problem. such as leaving finger prints on the passenger door or not putting the plates straight into the dishwasher

Maybe it is the same when the sexes are reversed?

Either way, we should all reflect on your previous relationships and see what went wrong for both people. then next time stop the issues before it gets into a big problem

August 19, 2009

I am going through a very painful break up with my g/f of eight years. We lived together for 2 years and reading through that list I can spot a few signs that should have been warning signs in hindsight.

However what I am struggling to understand is why women never sit you down and have a proper conversation about issues. In my case my g/f is adamant she will not change her mind about us trying again...there is no third party, she is moving back to her Mums, and she is throwing away everything. Its not as if I cheated or physically abused her, she says we just drifted apart, and she loves me but not in that way, and she doesn't even want to try and fix the minor problems we had. I just took her for granted for a while as I got too comfortable in the relationship.

I have noticed that women can quickly forget the good times and risk everything before giving a relationship a chance.

In my case my ex gf would'nt discuss anything with me. I more or less had to beg her to tell me how she feels. I knew her feelings were gone but i had to be told. She played a cruel selfish game and basically told me although her feelings were gone she did'nt want anybody else to have me either.

Yes i totally agree with you my ex forget the good times very quickly did'nt do anything to try and save a 4 year relationship. I'm not sure where any of us went wrong but it'd make me wary of feeling comfortable in a relationship again. I can't handle the thoughst of being hurt like that in the future.

August 19, 2009

It is the same. Men bottle things up too. As a bisexual who has been in long-term relationships (and gone through breakups) with both men and women, all the same behaviors in drifting apart and breaking up are THE SAME.

So, yes... it definitely forces you to face what it is about YOU that is the common thread in all of these relationships. What is it about YOU that you can work on and change for the future? What is it about YOU that seems to put more into a relationship than the other person does?

For myself, I am taking this post-breakup time to try to figure these things out and work on myself. I know that the common theme in my relationships is that I tend to lose myself in them. I slowly let the relationship become the major focus in my life and get settled into a routine of waiting for the other person to live life with. I think when people meet me and I am fully living my own life, I am independent and confident. As soon as I get into a relationship, within six months I seem to be focusing solely on our time together and become really dependent on their attention.

August 19, 2009

Question is, what are you doing to turn these women off?

I think in the next relationship you will notice it right away and do something then.

Nothing, with my ex fiancé, I did not give her enough attention accordif to her so she opened up her legs to a guy she just met.

Last ex, Wanted to smoke drink and go clubbing with her single friends and she was being tied down according to her in a relationship

also I would like to add, both times I felt them detaching I asked is everything ok and got thr lie. Everythig is great

August 19, 2009

Starts going out with friends more
They stay over less often
They have less time to see you
they want to go out in a group rather than just with you
Start going to the gym a lot and have a make over
Spends more time on the laptop/internet
Sex stops or drops to a minimum
they go quiet or start to go distant
they start to nit pick at things that were never a problem
you speak less online or on the phone(less texting too)
they go to bed/sleep earlier
they sleep facing away from you
they stop making plans for the medium and long term, like holiday and settling down
they start to roll their eyes or talk under their breath
they dont laugh at your jokes anymore
they dont return compliments or as touchy feely
They are reluctant to be seen naked infront of you

To a woman these are all very very obvious signs. It's men that are typically "too dumb" to read the signs, as we've often heard.

The only way around this is realising how much she's giving you.

Is she fulfilling your sexual appetite?

Is she nagging or did she nag all the time and now she's avoiding you?

Is doing herself up more?

Is she going out with her girlfriends more and more?

You're the one with the wandering eyes, she's the one with the lasso.

If you have the gut feeling something is not right; it usually isn't. Don't turn into the relationship fixer. Be proactive and look for alternatives. This will trigger her need to bind the best mate to her, and she will prove to you that she's the one you can rely on.

She'll either start chasing you again or she won't. If she gets jealous, good. It's *her* job to want to bind a guy, not your job to bind a woman to you but to give up all the other women.

She should constantly test you to see if you're the best she can get

You should constantly test other women if they're better than the one you're with.

That might sound repulsive, but think about it girls. Would you rather a man that gives up all the other women he could have just for you because you're the best? Or a guy that goes along with you, because he's too afraid of losing the relationship or because he's too unsuccessful in hunting other women? Yuck.

I once had a gf that was slipping away too. I started hanging out with other women. Not to get her jealous, but because they were offering me a better woman. She saw there was competition. She got jealous and made a big scene. I pulled her in tightly by the belt and told her she's the want I'm after. We had great sex. Afterwards I told her I wasn't having anymore of that drama in my life again. She never did it again. I chose to stay with her because she was the best.

Most guys are too afraid of their own suppressed sexuality that they don't even dare to go after other women. They think it's disrespectful to the one they're with. In reality they're making the woman so unhappy that they start doubting and resenting you. Fear is keep you to her, and that is the opposite of confidence.

What most guys do nowadays is they're reactive and they try to fix relationships constantly. Look at this site for heaven's sake. It seems most of the threads are started by men, and when men do post, they're so lame. "She's the one", "I love her with all my heart". If I was a woman I'd run too.

So to answer the question, of course women try their hardest to make a relationship work. They eventually give up and go quiet, slowly resenting the guy. It makes it easier to leave. When they do leave, it's usually for good.

I got sidetracked there a bit, and most have probably fallen asleep by now

August 19, 2009

I am going through a very painful break up with my g/f of eight years. We lived together for 2 years and reading through that list I can spot a few signs that should have been warning signs in hindsight.

However what I am struggling to understand is why women never sit you down and have a proper conversation about issues. In my case my g/f is adamant she will not change her mind about us trying again...there is no third party, she is moving back to her Mums, and she is throwing away everything. Its not as if I cheated or physically abused her, she says we just drifted apart, and she loves me but not in that way, and she doesn't even want to try and fix the minor problems we had. I just took her for granted for a while as I got too comfortable in the relationship.

I have noticed that women can quickly forget the good times and risk everything before giving a relationship a chance.

doesn't matter how good you treated her, once a women ends a relationship the majority of the time it's for good.

Woman barely make rash decisions in relationhips, trust me she was discussing leaving you for a while probably with close friends or her mom.

In my case I'm a idiot I can always feel when something is wrong but I just say maybe their busy, maybe their stressed, yeah right. And when you do get dumped and ask why didn't you communcate the issue with me they will tell you bs like they did, twisting scenarios.

August 19, 2009

I think my ex was born emotionally detached. I dont' know. But I think he pretended to be someone who was not emotionally detached and as time went on he showed his true self. He's emotionally detached just like his mother, father and ex wife are.

Sign In

Emotionally detaching

Recommended Posts

EmperorR

adamt

Darren09

broken_promises

boogieboy

jayboy

adamt

Nedved

broken_promises

EmperorR

MrFun

EmperorR

moo

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...