Mikka Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 So guys... I guess I made an oops. I had my first real fight with my boyfriend after 4 months. I spoke my mind. We fought. I stopped bottling things up. just a summary of the last two weeks: The Saturday before this Saturday, I had a real ****ty time. I was supposed to watch a fireworks show with my BF but he got caught up with his guy friends. He said he'd pick me up outside a QFC (grocery store), I stood around for about 20-30 minutes, could see the fireworks from there, so watched them by myself. I then proceeded to buy some beer in my spare time, because I had a good 10-15 minutes before he showed up with his friends. I was feeling bummed. I held it in and acted like nothing was wrong. I felt like he put his guy friends ahead of me. Found out some stuff about him through a drunken group conversation that I wish I had not found out. 3 things actually, none I'm going to bring up 'cause their a bit personal on his part, but the fact that I found out about them through his guy friends, instead of him sucked. Two days later I left him a message saying I felt really out of place that night and that I didn't feel like I was his girlfriend, but one of the guys. Which was alright. I feel bad for complaining about it now, because I am his first girlfriend. I should've cut the guy some slack. But I still felt bad, because other guys were treating their GFs, like GFs. Haha. He apologizes a day after he gets the message. Says don't worry I'll make it up to you, you'll seeee! I laugh at it and feel much better about things. I hope to see him later the next week and without his guy friends for once. ...now a week later. Last Friday. I leave him a simple message saying 'Hey hope work is goin ok!' and small talk. No response. I go meh whatever, maybe I'll hear from him later or tomorrow. His best friend Kolbi messages me and says 'hey have you heard from him' I go 'no' and send him a new message asking him 'are ya still alive?' No response again. I talked to his best friend for about 2 hours almost, because we were both bored. By the end of this conversation I was feeling pretty bad. He was going on about his ex and how they only got to see each other '2-3 times a week'. I was shocked because me and the guy I am dating only see each other once a week, if that. So after those two hours go by, I try to get ahold of him one last time. He finally responses, and turns out he is 'Watchin TV and shootin the ****. lol' ....I don't know if he meant shooting shots? Drinking? or what. I am by this time, really upset. Because I felt like all my messages from the last day or so were just ignored. I leave him this message saying "Really upsetting to never know where you are" I used the wrong words. It sounded better than "I'm really sad right now. I can't seem to get ahold of of you when I need to. And you disappear like you've dropped off the face of the planet. I don't feel significant to you at all, or that I even matter to you." And 'Really upsetting to never know where you are' translated to him that I am trying to keep tabs on him is what he said. He said I felt like I was trying to be his mother checking up on him. There's no win-win to this is there? I told him this weekend that I don't feel like I have been making him very happy and that I'm going to stay away for a bit, when the truth is... I'm not happy and I am going to stay away for a bit.
Author Mikka Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Was left some more messages. "You make me very happy. I just get down in the dumps when things questioning our relationship pop up. None of this is your fault. No matter how cliche I sound. Its my fault I'm pretty much still getting use to having a girlfriend. I been like 21 years without so braking habits and making changes to accomodate you doesn't happen easily I think yet. I just needed to know what I'm doing wrong." So I feel like maybe he understands better where I am coming from now... but how can I prevent stuff like this from happening again? I feel like there is NO good way to communicate with the BF about feeling insignificant. ...or the times he forgets he has a girlfriend... me = horrible at expressing myself in these situations. I seem to be great at using the wrong words.
knaveman Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Seriously, like the movie says: He's just not that into you. From what you have described you are a girlfriend of convenience, for him. You should find someone who actually thinks of you from time to time.
Author Mikka Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 I didn't like hearing that...but you are probably right. I wish there were another way to tell? My previous and first relationship, I was dating someone who hadn't really had a relationship before, either. It went the same way and I was questioning the same things.
Confusedalways Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 You don't sound unreasonable and the fact that he continues to blow you off like this isn't cool. It sounds like you keep telling him and you keep getting placed on the back burner You sound like you deserve someone worthy of you affection, and he doesn't seem to be cutting it. This behavior so often is not good good luck.
knaveman Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I didn't like hearing that...but you are probably right. I wish there were another way to tell? My previous and first relationship, I was dating someone who hadn't really had a relationship before, either. It went the same way and I was questioning the same things. In my experience, the truth is often the hardest to take. That and Everclear. You have to be able to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy. Take care of you.
Nagini Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 In my experience, the truth is often the hardest to take. That and Everclear. You have to be able to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy. Take care of you. Take it from a girl who is trying to face the same truth. they're just not into us. But other men , better men will be.
knaveman Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 As cliched as it may sound, I really believe that most of the thread on LS could be answered with "He/She's just not that into you" Sometimes people just need to hear the truth.
Author Mikka Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Well thank you guys for the response... Yeah, I think you guys might be right. I'm at crossroads right now. I can't defend things, I came here for advice. I may need to just accept things. It's just so damn confusing, because even his best friend tells me he gets upset when I question the relationship or ask if he's getting bored with me. His best friend defends him about it and that I should take the lead more since he's new to all this. I guess confronting them about not being into you anymore makes it just that much worse, though huh? haha.
knaveman Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Well thank you guys for the response... Yeah, I think you guys might be right. I'm at crossroads right now. I can't defend things, I came here for advice. I may need to just accept things. It's just so damn confusing, because even his best friend tells me he gets upset when I question the relationship or ask if he's getting bored with me. His best friend defends him about it and that I should take the lead more since he's new to all this. I guess confronting them about not being into you anymore makes it just that much worse, though huh? haha. We are here for advice. We are here for honesty. Sometimes brutally so. You can only do what you think is right. Deep down you know the truth about everything, you just don't want to admit it to yourself. Take some time and figure things out for yourself, it's all there. Don't ever be afraid to be yourself, no matter how crazy you might be. Speak your mind, no matter how lame, but do take others feeling into consideration from time to time. You should always be able to be 100% honest with yourself. You have no secrets from yourself, but sometimes we try. Do what you gotta do, and never be afraid of what someone else might think. Always learn from everything and everyone you encounter. You probably knew everything before you even posted here, but were afraid to admit it to yourself. Enjoy life.:bunny:
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