gogarth Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Did NC get my ex-bf to miss me? Yes. Would a dumper let you know if they want you back? Absolutely, even if you have been out of touch for an extended period of time. But ultimately, none of that lead to anything meaningful in the long run. I’ve posted about my story a couple of times before, so I won’t repeat it here again. To sum it up, NC made my ex-bf miss me. He got in touch within a few months after the break up (even though we weren't speaking to each other), and eventually, after about 9 months, he even asked me to take him back. But he has not changed, has learned nothing from the breakup, admitted to no wrong-doing, and had no clue about how to make things work the second time. So yes, NC may get your ex’s to contact you, but it will likely lead nowhere. After all, we break up for a reason, and more often than not, the reason is a valid one. I didn’t want to believe this until I experienced it myself. I hung on to hope for way too long. This lesson took me 9 months to learn. Since I last posted in July, I’ve completely given up on the ex-bf and have moved on with my life. And guess what? I’m now happily dating a guy whom I met 9 months ago, but back then, I couldn’t see myself with anyone other than the ex-bf. I was stuck for a long time, but when I finally wised up, it took only days for me to forget him...it's like switching on a light switch in a dark room. I guess when you finally close the past behind you and open your heart, anything is possible. I don’t think I’ll be visiting this blog as often as I have been in the past, but before I sign off, I want to thank everyone for sharing their stories. I got some of the best relationship advice on this blog (from Caliguy, BCCA, SummerLady, etc., just to name a few. And sorry, if I missed anyone here). Their advice was at times difficult to hear, but it turned out to be so spot on.
digitalwizard Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I was separated from my wife for 3 months and I did not effectively use NC. I used it a bit towards the end, right before reconciliation, but it didn't make any difference. The truth is that I won my wife back by BEING a better person. I SHOWED her that I wasn't the same. So much so that on a few occasions she has asked me what I did with the old me. She's not playing, either. I can tell when she looks in my eyes; she really believes that I am a different person. The bottom line is that until she saw that in me, she had absolutely no intentions of ever giving me another shot at being her husband. From the day she kicked me out, I started to fix myself from the inside out. I searched deep inside to see the monster that I was. Once I found that monster, I got busy 'killing' him. It wasn't just me, though. She looked inside herself, as well. She saw that she wasn't perfect and had fault in our relationship, as well. Without both parties admitting fault and taking responsibility, the relationship will never last. If your ex-bf hasn't seen his fault in anything just yet, you may want to let it go. The truth is, some people change and some don't. The difference in the people is simple--a reason. My reason for change was enough to push me through all the pain required to change oneself. Some people just don't want to put the effort into it no matter the reason, and that is sad. -Wiz
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