One-night stand obsession on match.com

[bac]

I have recently subscribed to match.com. Many men sent me messages.

I am in 40s and the men in 40s.

 

Every man behaves in the same way.

First, they do not want to get to know me by emailing. They do not want to answer and ask any questions. But, they do want to meet for a cup of coffee as soon as possible. And, they obviously want to have sex with me after coffee, even they do not say it directly. From my point of view, it is totally an unrealistic expectation, if you date on match.com.

 

Then, if they consider to have the second date with me, they again expect that we have sex after dinner. I can not believe that the men have all these unrealistic expectations about match.com. Don't they understand that they should subscribe to the adult friend finder site to find females for one-night stand.

 

All they have zero communication skills and have a strong belief that they are entitled for one-night stand with every female from match.com.

 

They have no understanding, that if they want to get laid casually, they need to build some communication and rapport anyway.

 

I can not believe it, but I have 20 messages from men in 40s like I have described and all they believe that they are entitled to have one-night stand with any stranger.

There is no single message from a reasonable man who understands that match.com is not a one-night stand community.

 

WHY would any women want to have one-night stand with them anyway?

Are they crazy?

 

Could somebody give me insight on dating men on match.com?

What are all these men thinking? In my opinion, they are just wasting their time looking for one-night stands on match.com.

[sunshinegirl]

Match.com sits squarely in between sites like adultfriendfinder.com/craigslist (one night stand sites) and eHarmony (marriage/relationship sites). People join match looking for all kinds of things, including both one night stands and a potential spouse.

 

I will say I have rarely met a man on match who has tried to bed me right away. Are you screening out enough of these men? Is there anything in your profile that might lead them to think you'd be open to a ONS? Photos with cleavage, flirtatious language, etc? I put explicit language in my profile that I was not looking for a fling or ONS, and the rest of my profile surely scared off the rest of the ONS-seekers.

[alphamale]

I have recently subscribed to match.com.

sorry but you just got ripped off

[2sunny]

i have found that many men at match are married, even though they may not tell you. this may explain their reasons for not wanting to have a trail of evidence (emails and phone logs) - but also wanting just the sex immediately without getting to know you at all.

 

JMO - but the evidence i have experienced shows this to be true. it's very frustrating.

[alphamale]

i have found that many men at match are married, even though they may not tell you. this may explain their reasons for not wanting to have a trail of evidence (emails and phone logs) - but also wanting just the sex immediately without getting to know you at all.

maybe most of them are just social cretins who can't deal with women in the real world?

[knaveman]

maybe most of them are just social cretins who can't deal with women in the real world?

 

I thought that was why we were all here on the internet in the first place.

[Citizen Erased]

I thought that was why we were all here on the internet in the first place.

 

Certainly is my reason.

[Chicago_Guy]

I think it is true. I know a girl who is about 40 and divorced. A lot of the guys she meets pressure her for sex right away. I told her that was all that most of the guys she was going to meet on match.com wanted, and she eventually realized that I was correct. She seems like a selfish gold-digger herself, so maybe the guys are also getting played here.

[bac]

Is there anything in your profile that might lead them to think you'd be open to a ONS? Photos with cleavage, flirtatious language, etc? I put explicit language in my profile that I was not looking for a fling or ONS, and the rest of my profile surely scared off the rest of the ONS-seekers.

 

In my description I state it clear that I am looking for a serious, long-term relationship. My language is as decent as it possible.

 

I have several pics. They are decent. And I have only one pic where I am in short shorts walking ouside, so they can see my legs. I do not think that it is explicit, especiaaly in summer.

[BCCA]

Guys think they can get sex without getting to know you because of one, and only one, reason:

 

Its happened before.

 

And cant you just tell them youre not interested in sex so soon, so this isnt going to work out?

 

You are talking about online dating, which while it has some benefits, much like anything else - its not for everyone. If a guy values you enough, and wants to start a relationship, hes not going to push you for sex after one date. If he does, hes not for you. If he invites you to his place, and you go - you cant really pretend you didnt know why, can you?

 

If people just want sex and you dont, youre incompatible. It happens with people you meet everywhere. I met this girl at an art fest that I thought was great, but she just wanted to get laid - nothing serious. It happens.

[bac]

 

And cant you just tell them youre not interested in sex so soon, so this isnt going to work out?

 

 

That is the problem. I have to tell a stranger that I am not an one-night stand woman, while he even does not ask me this question. I have no idea how to say something like that diplomatically. It is embarrassing to me to start talking about sex and that I am not an one-night stand in the first emails. And, also, I do not want to scare guys away stating that I am only looking for a commitment and nothing less.

[loveslife]

You don't have to state that you're not into one-night stands you just have to behave like you're not into them. It's not so hard to discern if a guy is only after casual sex. And if he is, just say no or don't go further with him. After a while you'll be able to recognize them quicker and save yourself time.

[MadDriver]

bcca, your competition (Match.com 40 year old women in your area) is apparently putting out for these same men.

 

If you're unwilling to play the game, then get out of the field. Find another game with different rules.

 

I'd suggest e-harmony for you. The women there have "christian values".

[BCCA]

That is the problem. I have to tell a stranger that I am not an one-night stand woman, while he even does not ask me this question. I have no idea how to say something like that diplomatically. It is embarrassing to me to start talking about sex and that I am not an one-night stand in the first emails. And, also, I do not want to scare guys away stating that I am only looking for a commitment and nothing less.

 

Well, I dont see where you have to tell them youre not into one night stands. Dont put yourself in a position to have to say you are or not on the first date, i.e. if he asks you back to his place after the date, he wants sex. Thats pretty simple to catch, I would think.

 

If the conversation sways someplace you dont want to go, dont. Change the subject or simply state youre not going to get into that kind of thing with a stranger.

 

If you scare guys away by saying you dont want to talk about sex or sleep with them after the first date, these arent guys you would date anyway, so scaring them away is not bad.

 

bcca, your competition (Match.com 40 year old women in your area) is apparently putting out for these same men.

 

If you're unwilling to play the game, then get out of the field. Find another game with different rules.

 

I'd suggest e-harmony for you. The women there have "christian values".

 

This is kind of what I was wondering.

 

So, its no so much that you feel obligated to sleep with or discuss sex with guys right away, its more that you feel that the competition is, and so by not following the trend, you are behind the 8-ball. I think this post was spot on then, find another game to play if you dont like the rules of this on.

 

e-harmony, IMHO, sucks worse than anything in the world.

[bac]

Well, I dont see where you have to tell them youre not into one night stands.

 

So, its no so much that you feel obligated to sleep with or discuss sex with guys right away, its more that you feel that the competition is, and so by not following the trend, you are behind the 8-ball.

 

Actually, it could be great to let them know that I am not into one-night stand by emailing before the first date happens. How can I do that?

 

Because it is a waste of time for me. I need to drive to the location, and then I need to have an insincere conversation in a coffee shop for 1 hr. I have no idea why men want to waste their time on such hopeless meetings.

 

I did not get the idea about competition. There is no competition for one night stand among women on match.com. Women normally do not want to have one-night stands.

There are many exceptions which have nothing to do with dating on match.com. For example, meeting drunk/mentally confused girls in bars. Another example, meeting emotionally unstable girls with depression, bipolar, and drug abuse. Also, meeting very young girls who do not really know what they are doing because they are just testing reality.

In other words, if a woman wants to have one-night stand, it probably means that there is a specific not sexual reason for that.

But, from what I understand about men, they want to have one-night stand for a simple sexual reason which is that they are horny.

[Chicago_Guy]

Every man behaves in the same way.

First, they do not want to get to know me by emailing. They do not want to answer and ask any questions. But, they do want to meet for a cup of coffee as soon as possible. And, they obviously want to have sex with me after coffee, even they do not say it directly. From my point of view, it is totally an unrealistic expectation, if you date on match.com.

 

I re-read your original post. While I agree that a lot of the men on that particular dating website probably do just want sex, I doubt that all of them just want that. What makes you assume that all of the guys you met for coffee wanted to have sex with you right after finishing their coffee? You might be making unfounded assumptions about at least some of these guys.

 

I used eHarmony last year for three months and I thought it sucked. However, the guys you are meeting on Match might want to meet you right away instead of communicating for awhile via emails because a lot of the people who use Match are players (the men and women) and are dating multiple people at once. These guys might want to meet in person right away to gauge your interest - your body language may tell them things that you could never express in an email (e.g., that you aren't attracted to them). Also, they might want to make sure that you look like the pictures you have on your profile.

 

A female friend of my friend's fiancee meets men through match and as I understand it typically has sex with them right away. These guys go out with her maybe once or twice and then she never hears from them again. I assume that they either think she's slutty or she might have kind of emotional problems. I think she'd be much better off getting to know them first because she's in her mid-30s and is supposedly looking for a husband.

[Adri Ana]

Its a very realistic their hope

as you are dating on MATCH.COM !

So what else they may expect ?

Surely to have sex after a cup of coffee and to have some coffee else after some more sex .

 

If you want to have a more blissfull relationship,

then go to heavensmatch.com

if such a site exists .

[girl68]

They have no understanding, that if they want to get laid casually, they need to build some communication and rapport anyway.

 

There is no single message from a reasonable man who understands that match.com is not a one-night stand community.

 

WHY would any women want to have one-night stand with them anyway?

Are they crazy?

 

Could somebody give me insight on dating men on match.com?

What are all these men thinking? In my opinion, they are just wasting their time looking for one-night stands on match.com.

 

You have been incredibly naive. For starts, yes match.com and similarly plentyoffish.com are free therefore, you're going to find a lot more "creeps" (so to speak).

 

If you want love, sign up for the real dating site... lavalife (or whatever it is). These are not free but that fact alone might weed out some of the "creeps".

 

Secondly, your belief about building rapport- you're wrong. They do not feel like they need to build a rapport, you do. As soon as you accept that difference, you'll be so much better off.

 

Obviously match.com has worked in bringing 2 horny people together- why else would so many men be doing it (and women)? It works, has worked and will continue to work- just not with you.

 

There you have it. Why not write a line in your profile saying EXACTLY what you're looking for. blah blah blah... NOT and intimate encounter.

 

And realize that even in the 'real' dating world- men will still try to get your pants off, date 1, 2 and 3.

[alphamale]

i've had at least 3 or 4 one night stands off match.kom. probably mostly married women whose husbands were out of town.

[MadDriver]

i've had at least 3 or 4 one night stands off match.kom. probably mostly married women whose husbands were out of town.

 

alphamale thanks for the tip bro, I'm signing up for match.com right now due to your endorsement. Please give me some more pointers on how you do it, and do it so well. I'm taking notes.

[alphamale]

alphamale thanks for the tip bro, I'm signing up for match.com right now due to your endorsement. Please give me some more pointers on how you do it, and do it so well. I'm taking notes.

dude you just pay the $29.99 and create a profile and the chicks will be all over you in no time

[Jilly Bean]

BAC - I think you might want to be more honest about what you are putting out to get this response.

 

I've been on match, and didn't have an overwhelming amount of men writing me for sex. Most were very respectful and polite, while a few were inappropriate from the get-go.

 

These men have to be vibing off something in your profile you're not seeing. Ask a friend to review it. I sense English is not your first language, so perhaps there is something that is getting lost in translation. Whether it's your profile name, or even something you consider benign in your write-up, or a slightly racy photo, the one common denominator in this tale is you, so best to start there.

 

Good luck.

[bac]

alphamale thanks for the tip bro, I'm signing up for match.com right now due to your endorsement. Please give me some more pointers on how you do it, and do it so well. I'm taking notes.

 

I hope all girls you meet there will hate one-night stands like me!

Just kidding, good luck with that.

[bac]

BAC - I think you might want to be more honest about what you are putting out to get this response.

 

I've been on match, and didn't have an overwhelming amount of men writing me for sex. Most were very respectful and polite, while a few were inappropriate from the get-go.

 

These men have to be vibing off something in your profile you're not seeing. Ask a friend to review it. I sense English is not your first language, so perhaps there is something that is getting lost in translation. Whether it's your profile name, or even something you consider benign in your write-up, or a slightly racy photo, the one common denominator in this tale is you, so best to start there.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Can it be a pic, where I am outside in short shorts during summer?

I sometimes wear teens outfits because they fit me perfectly. In other words, my shorts are regular shorts that young girls put on. And, therefore the men in 40s can see my legs on the pic.

Every young girl has shorts like that and they walk outside safely without being followed by men in 40s from match.com.

[Jilly Bean]

Can it be a pic, where I am outside in short shorts during summer?

I sometimes wear teens outfits because they fit me perfectly. In other words, my shorts are regular shorts that young girls put on. And, therefore the men in 40s can see my legs on the pic.

Every young girl has shorts like that and they walk outside safely without being followed by men in 40s from match.com.

 

Could be. I mean, a 40+ woman wearing a pair of shorts for a teenager would be considered a little, er, age inappropriate by some, and therefore connoting something you may not mean...

 

Why not try an experiment and take the pic down for a while, and see how responses go?