ConfidentMan99 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Here is my original breakup thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t189730/ So basically in the begining of july, everything was going well again and she called me 4 times in one day ..next day I called her ..she was super cold to me for no reason and i got off the phone quickly ..she called me later at night, i told her i'm busy and that i'd call her back, she screamed "NO BYE!" ..and then later txted me "you were so rude to me, i don't want you to ever call me again" ..to which i replied "I was rude ?!?! your the one who was cold in the morning for no reason and now ur saying im rude ? " We went 4 days no contact ..I called her and she was cold again..she said she was busy .. I said ok call me back ..she said "she'll try" and she didn't so I was TOTALLY FURIOUS AND was fed up so I said THAT'S IT , no more initiating contact again ! 2 days later, she calls me ..I didn't pick up the phone quickly enough ..but i called back right away and she doesn't answer ..so i was like k wth is this stupid game ..the phone is clearly in your hands.. next day, she calls me ..she's at the gate of the airport..about to board her plane and she calls me to tell me that she's leaving and to have a good summer ..I kept it "friendly" with no mention of fights but also no i miss u.. contact me or anything like that..very casual..and acted like i'm not pissed. 4 days later, she txt me thrugh msn messenger..keep in mind it's 5 am in her country now: "i miss you, how've you been ? what's new with you ? " I wait like 3 hrs to reply to her on msn "hey, i'm good, i'm enjoing my summer, going out with people, giong to the gym and of course work, what about you , how's (your country) treating u ? " I get NO REPLY ... 5 days later, it's my birthday, she sends "happy birthday, have a good day" I wait 11 hrs to reply "Thanks, I appreciate it" 3 days later, she txt me through a cellphone : "hey, how are you, wha'ts new? if I don't talk to you then you dont' talk to me ? Well I hope all is well with you " I reply to the cellphone in 2 hrs: "Hey i'm good, just got out of a meeting at work, it's been really busy lately, and then gym and giong out with people, what baout yuo ?" She takes 18 hrs to reply "that's nice, i'm doing great, i'm getting so much sun, i'malmost black (i call BS ! ) , what' new with you ? " I figured there was no pt to reply cause I already said "what's new with me" 2-3 times ..wth u asking me agian so I didn't reply..also I was pissed she took 18 hrs. 2 days later, she writes "her change of school program got accepted" I wait til the next day and reply "congralutions, that's good to hear " then we go something liek 16 days without any contact what so ever. During that time, she deletes me off msn but doesn't block me so she can't see when i come online but I can talk to her if I want (she still has be blocked on facebook).. she use to come online a lot during that time but I always stayed appear offline or didn't come on at all. then she called long distance from her country ..it's 12:15 AM over there convo went something like this: me : hello her: hey me: oh hi her: how are you me: im good you her: i'm good, what u up to ? me: was just on my way to the gym, what about u? her: oh, i'm in bed, about to sleep me: oh ok, oh it's true, it's pretty late over there now her: ya it's 12:15 am me: oh hehe her: so how's ur summer ? me: aah very good, going out , gym , i'm also abotu to finish my internship this week . It use to rain a lot bu we've been having lots of sun lately so that's cool. her: ooh no way, that's cool, me too, like i go to the beach everyday for the past few weeks ..I almost turned black (I call BS again) ..and I keep getting into arguments with my mom and my friend .. me: oh u do ? her: yaa ..like everyday its' like a stupid argument that I start and like it's soo hot over there that when my friend ask me something, i answer her in a bad way .. so I startd giong alone to the beach instead of with her to stop this.. me: oooh hehe (in my head, i'm like wth is she telling me this.. it's making her look bad, not good ) her: I started work too me: ooh no way, how is it .. her: blabla .... I dunno if i'll wanna work in the future me: oh ya u told me this before .. her: I wanted to tell u something me: what is it ? her: I went to this concert yesterday and ... I thought about you me: oh really? her: ya ..u remember the song u use to sing to me me: ooh ya , did he sing it ? her: no he didn't, hehe me: ooh ok her: how come I don't see you on msn anymore ?? me: (in my head, i'm like wth is she asking this when she BLOCKED me, she can't see me on msn anymore even if i do suddenly decide to come online one day ) .... well ya I don't come on anymore cause u know I spend like 8-9 hrs at work everyday on the computer then when I come home, i don't really feel like sitting on the computer , it's more fun to go out with people and stuff her: ooh ya , that's true, i know how u feel. Well i'm going to go back to sleep, I just wanted to say hi to you ..and i'll be coming back in a month me: ooh , I thought u were coming earlier her: ya but it changed, i'll come back a few days after school starts me: ooh ok, well it was nice to hear from u her: .............ok ............ hehe (small laugh ..kinda gives u a feeling of her wanting me to say something else). her: good night, have fun at the gym. me: thanks, have fun at work tmrw, take care bye her: take care bye *close phone* ...6-7 min convo.. btw the whole convo, her tone is VERY respectful, very Friendly and/or flirty at times. what to think ? stay the same course ..what do I do if she calls me a few days after school ? What do I do if she wants to go out as just friends ?
001bh Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 sounds like my ex, fine one minute, and then cold for now apparent reason the next. Not a healthy way to go through life if you ask me.
EricaH329 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Ok this is a lot more complicated than it needs to be. As far as ex's go, or anyone for that matter, there are only two options. You are together, or you aren't. None of this in between stuff. You are acting as if you are friends, but getting upset when it turns out to be only that. This is what I think needs to happen. If you are going to be friends, realize that you are *only* friends. Friends do not need to talk to eachother every single day, nor keep track of how often they talk to eachother. If you both want to be friends, start acting like it! I mean, do you act this way with your other friends? Get upset when they don't respond right away? Analyze everything they say to see if they really mean something else? This is why I do not remain friends with an ex until I am completely over them. It turns into a big sticky mess that i'd rather not be involved with. If you feel as if you cannot honestly be in a legitimate friendly relationship with this girl, then call it quits. For now anyway. Until you move on. This has got to be getting to you. It doesn't feel good i'm sure. You are just dragging out the pain. My advice to you, is that since you clearly cannot have the type of normal friendship one has with another, is to have no contact with her. It's going to be hard, but I promise, it'll be much more rewarding than what you are putting yourself through right now.
vivrantflo Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Wow bud, after reading your initial thread, I have no idea why you want to stay involved with this chick. But I'll offer my comments to show you why this chick doesn't respect you, and how that equates to never having a real relationship with her. next day I called her ..she was super cold to me for no reason and i got off the phone quickly ..she called me later at night, i told her i'm busy and that i'd call her back, she screamed "NO BYE!" ..and then later txted me "you were so rude to me, i don't want you to ever call me again" ..to which i replied "I was rude ?!?! your the one who was cold in the morning for no reason and now ur saying im rude ? " How old is this girl? 12? She sounds very unstable, and you're wasting your breath trying to explain to her how immature she's acting. After she yelled at you and hung up, you should have NEVER responded to her text messege! Take control of the situation! Right now, you're acting like her lap dog, and she doesn't respect you. Why should she? You're taking all her crap. We went 4 days no contact ..I called her and she was cold again..she said she was busy .. I said ok call me back ..she said "she'll try" and she didn't so I was TOTALLY FURIOUS AND was fed up so I said THAT'S IT , no more initiating contact again ! You went 4 days NC, so why would you break it? What's the point of going NC if you just break it? She dumped you, so she's not in a huge hurry to contact you, as she's proven... She's expecting you to cave in. This chick has zero respect for you. Go NC, and walk away. Im sure you would prefer to deal with a more mature woman than her. At least you learned here not to initiate contact with someone that dumped you. 2 days later, she calls me ..I didn't pick up the phone quickly enough ..but i called back right away and she doesn't answer ..so i was like k wth is this stupid game ..the phone is clearly in your hands.. You didnt pick up the phone quickly enough? Why are you picking it up? To enjoy the table scraps of attention she's giving you? Of course she's not going to pick up the phone, she has nothing to say to you. You just made her day/night by showing her that you're still attached by calling her back. You get it? Now, I personally think you can do better, but if you want her back, you can't play into her hands. Your ideal situation would be to have her begging for you back, and wanting to do anything to win you over, since she broke your heart. The best way for that to happen is if she misses you, and rationally decides that you're the one thats best for her. She wont think this way if she doesnt miss/respect you. You need to go NC, so you can take time to yourself and really think about this.. really ask yourself if you deserve this treatment. 4 days later, she txt me thrugh msn messenger..keep in mind it's 5 am in her country now: "i miss you, how've you been ? what's new with you ? " I wait like 3 hrs to reply to her on msn "hey, i'm good, i'm enjoing my summer, going out with people, giong to the gym and of course work, what about you , how's (your country) treating u ? " I get NO REPLY ... You starting to understand why she's not replying to you now?? then we go something liek 16 days without any contact what so ever. During that time, she deletes me off msn but doesn't block me so she can't see when i come online but I can talk to her if I want (she still has be blocked on facebook).. she use to come online a lot during that time but I always stayed appear offline or didn't come on at all. Dude, where is your self- respect? She deleted you from all forms of communication, but leaves you unblocked. I've explained this.. she expects you to reach out to her. She doesn't give a flying #@&$ if you're online or not. Doesn't that tell you something? Stop playing her games. *close phone* ...6-7 min convo.. btw the whole convo, her tone is VERY respectful, very Friendly and/or flirty at times. what to think ? stay the same course ..what do I do if she calls me a few days after school ? What do I do if she wants to go out as just friends ? No, she's not respectful, cause she's treating you like a rag doll. Plays with you when she wants validation, or when she feels lonely, and needs attention. And when she's fine, she'll ignore you, and quite easily. You need to stop being that security blanket for her, and go NC. She dumped you, so finalize her decision and vanish. Let HER wonder what you're up to, and if YOU'VE moved on. She's flirty cause she wants to keep you attached, and it's working. When she calls, you ignore them. And don't call her a few hours later. Make yourself busy. She dumped you, so your time is YOUR time, and it's valuable. Let her stew in her decision. Do you want to just be her friend? Do you want to go for dinner, so she can tell you about the guys she's dating? and the men that are picking her up? You wanna hear all that? I doubt it. You're not friends, you're ex-lovers, and you still love her. Its not in your best interest to hang out with her, and make her decision to leave you easier. Sorry for the long post.. I havent been on here in a while and I had to get back into form! I love to help, and break down the situation. You deserve better than this man. Man up, and go NC.
Lyssa Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 OMG. Just reading half of the story, I feel exhausted. How in the world did you put up with this? Did you deliberately waited 3 then 11 hrs to reply or were you away? If you did it deliberately then, I don't blame her for playing games. Then again, I wouldn't have had the patience to put up with games. Get on with your life. You seem to have a lot of things going on. You can do without all this drama.
CaliGuy Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Passive/Aggressive. I have one word for you: RUN. Stop staying in contact with her. Cut her off so you're free to find someone who isn't crazy.
Author ConfidentMan99 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 VivrantFlo, I understand what your saying and I agree with you ..and I am moving on .I don't feel I need her anymore ..I'm in a good state of mind ..talking to a lot of chicks now ..even thinking of asking out some of them . From your message, I feel that your message was intended for me a month or two aga but since then I don't initiate any conversation at all and i'm in a completely good state of mind .If she comes back or doens't ..meeeh ..I'm fine with it either way. When she talks to me now, I reply normally like any friend would but don't disclose anything about my life and I don't initiate anythign about her or ask her perosnal stuff .. I keep it very "friends" level and I know it's killing her inside that i'm not giving her attention anymore.
Author ConfidentMan99 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 I just got a text message from her. this will further prove my point VivrantFlo: "Ramadan Kareem to you and your family. (something u say at the begining of ramadan to other muslims) How have you been ? How come you don't ask about me. That's not cool " What do you guys think I should reply to this ? one of my friend said to tell her straight up what's going on with you and why u haven' tbeen the same .. but then I thought about it and that's going to set me back to where I was before , she would know I still like her and want her and affected by her decisions . I could reply again and keep it casual but not even acknowledge the last part of the msg... or not reply at all .. I'm leaning towards option2. Thank you all for your replies btw.
Author ConfidentMan99 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Lysaa, I did deliberataly wait because I don't want to show her that I would answer her right away and 'im busy doing other stuff. I could of answered within 1-2 hrs but waiting longer seemed more appropriate at the time.
GorillaTheater Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I wouldn't reply at all. This sh*t is draining to read, let alone go through. Who needs this crap?
Author ConfidentMan99 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 EricaH239 , I have ALWAYS told her "I NEVER WANT TO BE FRIENDS with you ..in the past, in the present and in the future" I have made that very clear for her numerous times.
EricaH329 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 EricaH239 , I have ALWAYS told her "I NEVER WANT TO BE FRIENDS with you ..in the past, in the present and in the future" I have made that very clear for her numerous times. Then why do you continue to speak with her?? Just because she says something to you, does not mean that you have to reply. If you truly wanted her out of your life, you would make it so.
Author ConfidentMan99 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Then why do you continue to speak with her?? Just because she says something to you, does not mean that you have to reply. If you truly wanted her out of your life, you would make it so. because I would consider going back with her... as gf/bf , not f riends ...
Author ConfidentMan99 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 I know it sounds ridiculous but there is lots of emotions involved .. Thats' the only reason to keep in contact with her and didn't throw her out of my life 100%
Lyssa Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Lysaa, I did deliberataly wait because I don't want to show her that I would answer her right away and 'im busy doing other stuff. I could of answered within 1-2 hrs but waiting longer seemed more appropriate at the time. That's the way you play it. Okay, I got that. I wouldn't reply at all. This sh*t is draining to read, let alone go through. Who needs this crap? Word. I know it sounds ridiculous but there is lots of emotions involved .. Thats' the only reason to keep in contact with her and didn't throw her out of my life 100% I know. We've all been there but usually, it is best to give it some more time before you proceed in being 'just friends'. You can't straight away dive into it - like you said, a lot of emotions involved, it is still fresh (even though it could have been a year plus or so since you both broke up). Ramadan Kareem to you! Have a good one.
Author ConfidentMan99 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 That's the way you play it. Okay, I got that. Word. I know. We've all been there but usually, it is best to give it some more time before you proceed in being 'just friends'. You can't straight away dive into it - like you said, a lot of emotions involved, it is still fresh (even though it could have been a year plus or so since you both broke up). Ramadan Kareem to you! Have a good one. There's no way I would be friends with her in the future ..even if i'm 100% over her ... my friend told me to continue what i'm doing, which is reply to her but not acknowledg when she says something about why u not calling me ..not saying i miss u ..etc unless she admits to wanting u 100% or opens the relationship talk. Not replying will be kinda rude at this poin since there has been some contact and it would come out of nowhere ..
EricaH329 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 There's no way I would be friends with her in the future ..even if i'm 100% over her ... my friend told me to continue what i'm doing, which is reply to her but not acknowledg when she says something about why u not calling me ..not saying i miss u ..etc unless she admits to wanting u 100% or opens the relationship talk. Not replying will be kinda rude at this poin since there has been some contact and it would come out of nowhere .. Hold on, you are beginning to contradict yourself. You said, "There's no way I would be friends with her in the future... even if i'm 100% over her..." You also said in a previous reply that you told her you don't want to be friends with her at all. Then why are you 'friends' with her now? What you are doing is letting her know that anything you say is invalid. You told her you aren't going to friends with her, and yet, when she tries to be friends with you, you allow it by responding as if you both are friends. Hm? As far as not replying because it's rude... if you are not over her, and you need to move on, then NC is not rude, it's common sense. It sounds to me like you want to give off the impression that you do not want to be friends with her, but you want so badly for her to change her mind about this whole thing (which isn't going to happen while talking to you btw) that you feel as if you have no other choice than to continue to talk to her. I don't mean for this to sound rude or mean, but you are bringing all this pain and confusion upon yourself. Either let it go, or deal with it.
Author ConfidentMan99 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Hold on, you are beginning to contradict yourself. You said, "There's no way I would be friends with her in the future... even if i'm 100% over her..." You also said in a previous reply that you told her you don't want to be friends with her at all. Then why are you 'friends' with her now? What you are doing is letting her know that anything you say is invalid. You told her you aren't going to friends with her, and yet, when she tries to be friends with you, you allow it by responding as if you both are friends. Hm? As far as not replying because it's rude... if you are not over her, and you need to move on, then NC is not rude, it's common sense. It sounds to me like you want to give off the impression that you do not want to be friends with her, but you want so badly for her to change her mind about this whole thing (which isn't going to happen while talking to you btw) that you feel as if you have no other choice than to continue to talk to her. I don't mean for this to sound rude or mean, but you are bringing all this pain and confusion upon yourself. Either let it go, or deal with it. Well by me just replying to the question and never actually initiating anything or agreeing to going otu with her then it means that we are not "actual" friends .. friends are people who talk to each other and keep up to date with each other.. not only on one side.. If I would be initiating something with her then I would be "friends".
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