vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Just reading through this post has made me sick to my stomach. Really makes me appreciate my fiance. The man with morals. What a concept. Oh, I forgot that people who just have different perspectives than us are automatically wrong. You must feel so much better knowing you're RIGHT in every way and every belief you have is the RIGHT one. Oh, if only to be you!
Dexter Morgan Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Oh, I forgot that people who just have different perspectives than us are automatically wrong. well, point out where you think this guy is "right"
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 well, point out where you think this guy is "right" His withholding of the truth from his gf is bad. Yes. However, if he's saying that he wouldn't begrudge her the ability to have sex with other people as well, he's offering quid pro quo, which happens so rarely in relationships. He may have gone about finding this out about himself in a really admittedly hurtful way (not denying that), being strong enough to admit it and hopefully move into the future with this is commendable.
EricaH329 Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Oh, I forgot that people who just have different perspectives than us are automatically wrong. You must feel so much better knowing you're RIGHT in every way and every belief you have is the RIGHT one. Oh, if only to be you! It has absolutely nothing to do with perspectives at this point. As Svenn clearly states below... The moral problem is when your partner, like my gf, doesn't prescribe to this same theory. Now nevermind the fact that she's my first girlfriend and yet she's had 6 or 7 partners before me, but she is vehemently loyal to me and expects the same back. I really feel no need to explain further. I believe that quote did the job very well.
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 It has absolutely nothing to do with perspectives at this point. As Svenn clearly states below... I really feel no need to explain further. I believe that quote did the job very well. Oh no, my dear. Please make no mistake. I'm not judging you for your beliefs. I'm judging you for judging someone who doesn't happen to subscribe to your opinion on what someone's behavior should be in every relationship. You go on getting warm fuzzies from your "man with morals" and I wish you nothing but happiness. But don't turn around and begrudge someone else who yes, made a mistake, but simply has a different world/relationship view than you. It just makes you sound stuck up, hypocritical and basically a total bitch. Not to judge, of course.
EricaH329 Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Oh no, my dear. Please make no mistake. I'm not judging you for your beliefs. I'm judging you for judging someone who doesn't happen to subscribe to your opinion on what someone's behavior should be in every relationship. You go on getting warm fuzzies from your "man with morals" and I wish you nothing but happiness. But don't turn around and begrudge someone else who yes, made a mistake, but simply has a different world/relationship view than you. It just makes you sound stuck up, hypocritical and basically a total bitch. Not to judge, of course. I absolutely love how you think you know what you are talking about. You have completely misunderstood the point I am trying to make, dear! The point is that this man knows that the woman he is with is going to be hurt by what he is doing. He clearly said that she is loyal to him and expects the same back. Now, by not telling her this, not only is he lieing to her, but when it eventually comes out... she is going to be completely heartbroken. Devastated. He is emotionally abusing another human being without really giving a care in the world. He can say he feels bad until he is blue in the face, but if he really gave a damn, he would do something to change the situation. Like telling her. Or breaking up with her. For future reference, before you decide to make yourself look like an idiot by assuming you know what you are talking about... I would make sure you have somewhat of an understanding first. Just a suggestion
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I absolutely love how you think you know what you are talking about. You have completely misunderstood the point I am trying to make, dear! The point is that this man knows that the woman he is with is going to be hurt by what he is doing. He clearly said that she is loyal to him and expects the same back. Now, by not telling her this, not only is he lieing to her, but when it eventually comes out... she is going to be completely heartbroken. Devastated. He is emotionally abusing another human being without really giving a care in the world. He can say he feels bad until he is blue in the face, but if he really gave a damn, he would do something to change the situation. Like telling her. Or breaking up with her. For future reference, before you decide to make yourself look like an idiot by assuming you know what you are talking about... I would make sure you have somewhat of an understanding first. Just a suggestion Okay, lady, I think we need to divide and conquer here. I am not at all denying that he made a mistake. He's a human being and all things being equal, he should tell her, so she can decide to either compromise with him if it's possible/she cares to, or she can leave to find someone more in line with her worldview. That's a given. But you can't say a man has no morals for making a mistake. Through this process he's learned more about himself and knows what he's looking for in a relationship and what he's willing to offer in return. While the catalyst for this is unfortunate, yes, he is not a monster for making a mistake. And for as many men and women who cheat, will cheat, will cheat AGAIN, don't think you and your man with morals are immune. The OPs BF promised her fidelity too and you see how well that turned out. It's your judgmental attitude that grates, not your views.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 His withholding of the truth from his gf is bad. Yes. However, if he's saying that he wouldn't begrudge her the ability to have sex with other people as well, he's offering quid pro quo but of course he is, in his mind that lets him off the hook and also opens the door for him to f#ck around even more if she accepts. But what if she turns down his offer? his cheating still "right"? or is it now "wrong"?
Dexter Morgan Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Oh no, my dear. Please make no mistake. I'm not judging you for your beliefs. I'm judging you for judging someone who doesn't happen to subscribe to your opinion on what someone's behavior should be in every relationship. uh, I think its a given that when in a committed relationship, one doesn't stick his d!ck in another woman. Unless of course they are swingers, and if he had to offer her the quid pro quo, as you call it, then that tells me they weren't swingers. You go on getting warm fuzzies from your "man with morals" and I wish you nothing but happiness. But don't turn around and begrudge someone else who yes, made a mistake, but simply has a different world/relationship view than you. he didn't make a mistake. he stuck his d!ck in another woman because he WANTED to. It just makes you sound stuck up, hypocritical and basically a total bitch. First, I don't think you know the meaning of the word hypocrite, since she wasn't one in any way, shape or form. Second, if she is a b!tch for despising cheating, what does that make the cheater in your mind?
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 but of course he is, in his mind that lets him off the hook and also opens the door for him to f#ck around even more if she accepts. But what if she turns down his offer? his cheating still "right"? or is it now "wrong"? Then they either need to find an artful compromise, or go find others more in line with their respective worldviews.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 But you can't say a man has no morals for making a mistake. she isn't. she is saying, and rightfully so, that he has no morals because he is a cheater that also wants to encourge his gf to cheat so he can be off the hook and justify cheating in the future.....DUH! again, he didn't make a mistake. he knew damn well what he was doing and wanted to do it.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Then they either need to find an artful compromise, or go find others more in line with their respective worldviews. there is no artful compromise if she doesn't believe in cheating. She can only either put up with having a lousy man, or get rid of him for someone decent.
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 she isn't. she is saying, and rightfully so, that he has no morals because he is a cheater that also wants to encourge his gf to cheat so he can be off the hook and justify cheating in the future.....DUH! again, he didn't make a mistake. he knew damn well what he was doing and wanted to do it. Just because it was willful and hurtful in the long run doesn't mean it's not a mistake. If you say something mean in the heat of an argument, you willfully said it (okay, probably screamed it) but then you realize that it was A MISTAKE TO SAY IT. That's all I'm saying.
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 there is no artful compromise if she doesn't believe in cheating. She can only either put up with having a lousy man, or get rid of him for someone decent. There's a difference between "doesn't believe in cheating" and "doesn't believe in open relationships" She's likely not to subscribe to either concept, and that's her right. But they're not the same things.
stuckinoz Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I want to tell you guys my thoughts on this matter just so I can get some feedback about whether or not I'm crazy. Basically, I've cheated on my gf a few times and I don't feel hardly any remorse at all... furthermore, I turned the tables hypothetically on myself to see how it'd feel, and came to the conclusion I'd be ok with her having some one-night stands (with a condom) with other guys, just so long as I didn't hear about it. Is this crazy? My reasoning is that 1. young people (less than 30) especially guys usually have PROFOUND sexual urges that surpass any 'security' or 'romantic' emotion older people experience 2. being such a core part of the human experience, sex should be allowed to happen naturally out of those urges 3. sexual culture is so strong in the U.S. it almost implies the futility of exlusive relationships when one is still young. 4. sexual freedom allows for partners to find out if they really 'love' somebody by doing healthy comparisons... reducing the risk hasty marriage and divorce. The moral problem is when your partner, like my gf, doesn't prescribe to this same theory. Now nevermind the fact that she's my first girlfriend and yet she's had 6 or 7 partners before me, but she is vehemently loyal to me and expects the same back. I feel bad, and I've tried to jokingly hint to her that I'd be ok if she wanted to try another guy for a night. It's a long distance relationship, so maybe that's a factor here. Crazy!! You betcha!! Be very careful what you wish for. It could strike & bite you in the @ss when you least expect it. You say NOWWWW - when it's NOT happening - that you'd be ok with it. You say NOWWWW - when you 'think' your girlfriend is loyal - that you'd be ok with it. I've known MEN in your shoes exactly & trust me when I say....When the tables are turned they are DEVISTATED! ANGRY!! PISSED OFF!!! & their marriages & relationships "Poof" Go Away!!!
girl68 Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 What you're doing: cheating (which is terrible) What you want: is an open relationship (which is fine- SO LONG AS BOTH PARTIES AGREE) You're not crazy but you are a dickhead for going ahead with this, not giving a hell about your gf.
rudeaims Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Differences in sexual proclivity are individual and not really something that (within reason, of course) should be judged. If you want to have your own whole person and build your whole life around him, that's awesome. I'm with Svenn here. I don't really require monogamy, and in fact, I'd probably request it otherwise. I like sex, but in a relationship, I'm not a sexual person. To me, it's just a responsibility and pressure and an expectation I don't ever feel good about past the honeymoon phase. And before you blast me for being a monster, I have Asperger's Syndrome, so I'm on the HFA spectrum and aspies often don't have the same hormones (oxytocin and vasopressin, specifically) that you all do to BOND us with our partners. No judge no judge no judge...blah blah...besides your Asspergers Syndrome, that is about the only thing you seem to be redundant on. Judging would be if I brought the hammer down in a court room. I did not say, "You are immature." I said, "I think you are immature." So in fact that is voicing my thoughts and opinions- Don't Judge me, Vox!
rudeaims Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 I do not think you are crazy. I think that you are immature. Ladies and gentlemen, Aspergers Syndrome folks and cig addicts like me, please note Exhibit A above
sweetjasmine Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I agree with you. sweetjasmine is obviously emotionally unstable and I highly doubt she has been "groped repeatedly" on the streets of Egypt, if even been there. lol, sure, buddy, I'm emotionally unstable because I think Wahhabism is sexist as f-ck. I spent a semester at American University in Cairo and, yes, I was groped by men on the streets who thought it was okay to cop a feel. If you want to believe otherwise, go ahead.
Recommended Posts