runnergal Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 The guy I have been seeing for about 3 months has been dealing with alot of stress lately and it has effected our "relationship". It's been pretty rocky because he's been performing the old "push/pull" thing. Sometimes I think he's interested and sometimes I wonder. I know and AGREE that I can obsess and overanalyze things but I have been working on these issues lately. We went from, in the beginning, of him initiating most of the contact to, for the past month, me initiating most of the contact. We've only gone "out" 4 times and the other 4 times he has come to hang out at my house. I've been to his house so I know that he doesn't have a girlfriend. In the beginning he said he was looking for a long term relationship but now he says that he's not looking for a relationship with anyone because of issues with stressors at work. I have backed off of him ALOT in the past few weeks. The issue is, now, his daughter has been in the hospital for the past few days with fever and had seizures last week. The doctors are still trying to determine what it is. I haven't met her so it's not even an idea for me to go to the hospital. I have messaged him 3 of the 6 days she has been in there to ask how she was doing and how he was holding up. I told him that I could only imagine the stress and frustration they were feeling. I also told him that I was there for him whether he wanted me to be or not..and he said "thanks". He's responded to my messages with letting me know how she was doing. I haven't bombarded him with questions, just 2-3 during the conversation. I know that he is stressed OUT!!! And when he's been stressed before he would go into "flight" response or "cave". Am I pushing too much with him or am I doing just enough? I know right now he probably doesn't care whether I care or not because of the dire situation. I just wanted some feedback. PS..on Friday, before his daughter got really bad, we agreed to go to the movies one day this week. I have not even mentioned it because of the situation!!!!! Point is, he wanted to do something with me.
mammax3 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Oh ya, the poor guy is very stressed out. He doesn't need any relationship pressures right now (sounds as though you recognize this). And, unfortunately, he may decide not to pursue any relationships right now, which may mean you become just a friend. Would it be inappropriate based on the level of connection/intimacy/familiarity for you to make him some meals, do groceries for him and stuff, so he doesn't need to worry about these smallish tasks taking time away from him being at the hospital?
Author runnergal Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 It's been one stress after another with him since we first started dating. It even got to the point that I was questioning him and myself if it was even worth it. He did say that I deserve better treatment and the wasn't at a point to provide it to me and apologized for making me feel bad. That was the point we decided to be friends, but then when we talk or are together, he acts like he wants to be more than friends (sitting right beside me on a HUGE couch, caressing my leg, teasing me, calling me names-funny ones not demeaning, hugs and kisses me)..it's all soooo confusing. I'm thinking he just really wanted to slow things down but instead of just talking to me and telling me that, he did it. Which is fine, I don't mind taking it slow. It's the journey not the destination! Does that sound about right, or has he lost interest???? He lives an hour away from me, even though I would really like to do these things for him, I don't know how to really ask. I know that sounds odd, but I've told him to let me know if there is anything I can do for him. How often should I check on him and his daughter? I've only stuck to a once a day checking, but should I skip a day or continue doing the amount of contact, OR just not contact him at all and wait for him to contact me???
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