Cinnamon Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 My BF has hurt my feelings. It was not bad enough to break up with him, but I started to think that he might not so much into me. He did say that he was sorry, but I felt that I was not sure about our relationship. I believe that actions are more informative than words. So, I have got an idea that I may test his feelings about me. For that purpose, I would like to tell him that I was hurt and I want him to do something pleasant for me to compensate for being hurt. For example, I can ask him to buy a simple gift for me. He knows what things I like. My belief is that, if he likes me, he would be happy to please me. So, by his reaction, I may see his true colors. I have a few questions for men. 1. How would you feel about this? (I feel that asking for gifts sounds a little creepy). 2. Is it a good idea to do that? 3. How can I put my request in a nice way? 4. Does anybody know any other way how to test how much he is into me?
Tony427 Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I personally would be kind of pissed if someone asked me to buy them a gift... It's something you do out of the goodness of your heart not something do cause someone asks you to. As for other ways to 'test' if he truely likes you I don't know. I think instead of saying "you hurt my feelings buy me something" maybe you should say "you hurt my feelings and I want to talk about it."
Vet Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 My BF has hurt my feelings. It was not bad enough to break up with him, but I started to think that he might not so much into me. He did say that he was sorry, but I felt that I was not sure about our relationship. I believe that actions are more informative than words. So, I have got an idea that I may test his feelings about me. For that purpose, I would like to tell him that I was hurt and I want him to do something pleasant for me to compensate for being hurt. For example, I can ask him to buy a simple gift for me. He knows what things I like. My belief is that, if he likes me, he would be happy to please me. So, by his reaction, I may see his true colors. I have a few questions for men. 1. How would you feel about this? (I feel that asking for gifts sounds a little creepy). 2. Is it a good idea to do that? 3. How can I put my request in a nice way? 4. Does anybody know any other way how to test how much he is into me? This sounds like game playing through and through. I would dump you right after you expected for me to buy something to prove myself. Honestly, if you have to test him, that in itself probably says enough. Or you're just insecure. One of the two.
girl68 Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Let's start with him saying he's sorry. Did you say "that's alright"? Becasue if you did you're 100% at fault. When you accept an aplogy that is that. Done and done. Not forgotten but done. You no longer hold anything against him for that. I have a few questions for men. Women have some decent insight as well. 1. How would you feel about this? (I feel that asking for gifts sounds a little creepy). Creepy? You're under estimating. This is outrageous, never would I ask him to make up for his mistakes by buying me something... goldigger. (Even if you aren't you have just managed to make yourself look like one) 2. Is it a good idea to do that? Umm HELL NO. 3. How can I put my request in a nice way? *face in palm* 4. Does anybody know any other way how to test how much he is into me? You know what the book would say? HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. If you have to ask- there's the answer...
stepka Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Well I read an interesting one yesterday. If a man pins a label on you, like "my lady," "my woman," or "my girlfriend," he is into you. If he just introduces you by your name, or worse yet, doesn't bother to introduce you at all, and leaves you by yourself at gatherings, it's a pretty good bet that he isn't that much into you. Gifts have nothing to do with it. Compliments have nothing to do with it. Favors have nothing to do with it. Affection has nothing to do with it. When a man labels you, he is telling all other men that you are his woman and they had better keep off. Men understand this--women not so much. It was news to me--maybe I've never had a man that into me. You might get some gifts out of the guy, but if you're thinking that this will show he loves you, guess again.
Phateless Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 My BF has hurt my feelings. It was not bad enough to break up with him, but I started to think that he might not so much into me. He did say that he was sorry, but I felt that I was not sure about our relationship. I believe that actions are more informative than words. So, I have got an idea that I may test his feelings about me. For that purpose, I would like to tell him that I was hurt and I want him to do something pleasant for me to compensate for being hurt. For example, I can ask him to buy a simple gift for me. He knows what things I like. My belief is that, if he likes me, he would be happy to please me. So, by his reaction, I may see his true colors. I have a few questions for men. 1. How would you feel about this? (I feel that asking for gifts sounds a little creepy). 2. Is it a good idea to do that? 3. How can I put my request in a nice way? 4. Does anybody know any other way how to test how much he is into me? Wow... How old are you? Testing someone is a terrible idea! The road to success is open and honest communication.
littlewhiterose Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 How about you just tell him that -although you've accepted his apology, what he did really hurt you. Hear what he has to say & see what he does. The gift thing is not a good idea.
silverfish Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 So if he, at some point in the future, slept with your sister, would you be happy with a £3000 necklace? You would be sending the wrong message by asking for a gift. You would be saying that it's alright to behave badly as long as you compensate me financially. I'm sure you don't really want to do this, but if by some chance you do, maybe you should think about your own feelings?
collegekid491 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Apart from what's been said... How does a gift tell you how much hes into you? I mean, he could be relatively thoughtless and throw $500 out for earrings, would the value of the gift tell you how much he's into you? Does someone with more disposable income make them have more love to give? I think even if you did this then you would spend the time you should have used talking to him to over analyze the gift. Worth noting, if you force him to buy you a gift, hes not gonna put to much thought into it because hes gonna be pissed and feel used. How about if he gets you a gift WITHOUT you telling him to, that would mean hes into you.
Trialbyfire Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 While I understand that everyone has their own style Cinnamon, you start thread after thread of multiple choice questionnaires but never really respond to anyone's comments. Are you creating some kind of online questionnaire? Are the responses helping you personally, in any way?
boogieboy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 No tests Cinnamon, you cant MAKE someone be into you. He either is, or he isnt, but on his own. If you feel he isnt taking you as serious as you take him, you need to break it off. If you have to ASK about how into you he is, then he isnt that into you.
Author Cinnamon Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 While I understand that everyone has their own style Cinnamon, you start thread after thread of multiple choice questionnaires but never really respond to anyone's comments. Are you creating some kind of online questionnaire? Are the responses helping you personally, in any way? Sorry about that. The responses help me personally. I do not have a lot of experience in dating. And I believe that my advice should be valuable. I do not want to give others a stupied advice. If I have experience about a topic, I will give my advice.
Trialbyfire Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Sorry about that. The responses help me personally. I do not have a lot of experience in dating. And I believe that my advice should be valuable. I do not want to give others a stupied advice. If I have experience about a topic, I will give my advice. I see how you took it but that's not how it was meant. I was curious if the responses to your threads, were helping you personally, since you don't really acknowledge the advice given by others. Do all the responses from other members make sense? Are there any further details you'd like to provide to others to help you through the issues that you're experiencing, etc. That's all.
Author Cinnamon Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 I see how you took it but that's not how it was meant. I was curious if the responses to your threads, were helping you personally, since you don't really acknowledge the advice given by others. Do all the responses from other members make sense? Are there any further details you'd like to provide to others to help you through the issues that you're experiencing, etc. That's all. Thank you. I guess this idea with gifts was stupied.
MadDriver Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I have a few questions for men. I'm a man. Okay, let's do this. 1. How would you feel about this? (I feel that asking for gifts sounds a little creepy). I've had all sorts of women ask me for all sorts of gifts. Designer dresses. Cell phones. Cars. Tiffany princess cut rings. I don't think it's creepy. It's a test. Sometimes I buy it for them, sometimes I don't. Generally if I like them, I will get them what they are asking for. Once I'm invested, I start liking them more. On the flip side, if they ask for something and I decline to buy it, then I start liking them less from that point on. These purchases in a sense force men to take a stand. Voting with your dollars, if you will. It is an implicit ultimatum. 2. Is it a good idea to do that? It's a gamble. If he complies and buys it, then he's invested. People generally don't like to abandon their investments until they collect the return. This is true in the stock market, at the poker table, and in the dating arena. Always get people to invest a little of themselves in whatever you're pushing. 3. How can I put my request in a nice way? Never say directly that you want something. You have to make it seem like it was his idea. Start with a sob story, like "I was going out with my girlfriends to a birthday party and everyone had their cameras out. I was very embarassed because I was the only one without a camera. My camera broke last year and I could never afford to buy a replacement one because of my current financial situation. I haven't had any nice pictures of me taken in a long time. I don't even want to take a vacation anywhere because I won't be able to save my memories... I feel so sad" (start sobbing). The man will then go into his problem-solving mode to try to figure out how to solve all these "problems" you just presented... 4. Does anybody know any other way how to test how much he is into me? Like you said, actions speak louder than words. Whatever you do, don't just ask him how much he likes you.
Thornton Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Asking for gifts is not only creepy, it's greedy. Anyone who asked me for a gift would be dumped straight away.
confusedcookie Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I think i kind of understand what you are getting at, you want to see effort that your bf actually likes or cares for you right? you can't ask him to buy you a gift because if he has money, this is nothing, it's just a monetary value. instead, if i get mad, or if i feel unappreciated, i ask him to make it up to me by doing something i feel that could show effort that he cares. Like for example, he gave me a hour massage, or he planned a day outing, or he wrote me a card, or he took me to my fav restaurant to eat... you don't need a gift, but you just want know that he puts effort and thought into you... honestly, i don't know how good advice this is bc i mean, he's my ex now... and i've never had another relationship before... lol hope this helps
Odyssey Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Cinnamon, i think you know asking for a gift is wrong. Anyways, there are other ways to show kindness than just materialistic things. But what you're really asking here, is "how can you tell if your bf still cares for you, especially after hurting you"? Right? Well you can't force the issue, so you just have to be more perceptive. Does he even know you felt hurt? If I knew and it was my mistake i would definitely show that i'm sorry. If i wasn't to blame, i would still WANT to understand it. Either way, i wouldn't run away from such an issue. Perception here is intent and not simply what he says. oh, by the way... i wouldn't read too much into the whole "take care" message. I do it plenty. Unless it seems out of sync with his usual behavior. Hope it works out for ya. Take care
Mikka Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 . How would you feel about this? (I feel that asking for gifts sounds a little creepy). It is creepy and whether he buys you a gift or not proves nothing. Same concept as asking someone to tell you they are sorry... has no meaning unless they do it on their own. 2. Is it a good idea to do that? No. 3. How can I put my request in a nice way? Don't request this. 4. Does anybody know any other way how to test how much he is into me? Try backing off from him some by not calling him as much and not being so available to him... see if he comes around. Just have a life outside of him. If it's crossed your mind that asking for gifts might be creepy, it probably is... And I agree with HidingMe. I'm actually taking this advice right now. Back off from him for a bit and see what happens. You can't hold a grudge about something he already apologized for.
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