Cora Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I'm sure you all remember the guy I went on and on about on here. The fwb guy who wasn't ready for a relationship. If you don't it doesn't matter. Anyway, we still talk every now and then, but haven't seen each other in awhile. I get a text out of the blue from him a few minutes ago saying if I wanted to come over I could. I text him back saying I'd love to, but just haven't felt well all day so I'm just gonna stay in. He sends me one back saying he understood. I figured he was hinting for sex again and I really wasn't for that even though we have been talking on a more frindly level and no sex has been mentioned. We exchange a few more texts back and forth with me stupidly trying to be silly. I jokingly ask him so how did you get out of work tonight Mr. workaholic? Since he is always working and on night shift now. He texts me back saying my friend died. I feel like such an idiot now. He probably just didn't want to be alone I'm guessing. He said he attended his friends wake today and it was just really hard, that he will be missed so much etc. I wish I would have handled the conversation a little better, but I had no idea. I ended the conversation sending him my condolences and said I'm here if he needs to talk. He texts me back once more saying no I don't want to talk about it, I have no feelings right now. After my last text to him telling him it's fine just wanted to let him know I was here. He got quiet after that so I didn't say anymore to him. I don't really know what to say to him. This whole thing is kind of weird really. We are not close friends by any means. We had a few months of a fwb situation and after it was established that nothing more was going to come of it we continued to talk every now and then. My question is wouldn't he want to be with friends right now? I know he has many of them in the area. Why would he contact me and want me to come over when we haven't actually seen each other in over a month now? I get that his friend just died and I feel terrible about that and I have no problem whatsoever with being there for him if he needs me and I'm happy to be here for him. It's just isn't this something you would want to talk about with a close friend, not a previous fwb partner? I dunno, I could tell he was really down tonight, not his usual self etc. which is highly understandable after what just happened. Ughh I just feel bad for him and for the way I handled the convo. I don't get either why he wanted me to come over and then just kind of ended things when I asked if he wanted to talk about it? Maybe I'm taking this too far, but I feel like I should do something like send him a sympathy card or go and visit him later this week. Or is that a bit much?
torranceshipman Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I think you should leave it - he knows you're there to talk too if he ever wants to. I am guessing he was a bit low and just wanted a little bit of physical comfort or something. I am sure he reaches out to his friends too if he needs to, but he had something physical with you and sometimes people just like a bit of physical intimacy and reassurance when they're having a low moment.
stepka Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Yes, and sometimes when people are grieving they reach out to people that they never dreamed they would reach out to. It's like certain personality types are more comforting for the kind of mood they're in. Sometimes near strangers are more comforting than close friends and family--I've found that to be true in my own life.
Author Cora Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 Thanks, I guess I just feel bad for not being able to go over there to see him tonight. Not for sex, just for company. I think I may have asked him too much. I asked what had happened to his friend and he replied with "hard life." I did not ask anymore. That is when I told him I was here for him if he needed to talk and I asked him if he was okay and how he was dealing with this? He responded with no, don't want to talk, sorry I have no feelings right now. Did I upset him too much? I just sent him a text back saying it's okay, just know that I'm here and praying for you. He did not say anything more so I left it at that. He was just in a really down mood and I wish I could of done more for him. Just feel crappy now for some reason.
Kamille Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Well since he said himself he didn't want to talk about it, reaching out to you actually makes sense. His friends would likely get over-caring and maybe he wanted to avoid that and just spend time with someone who knew nothing about the friend. He did only reveal the funeral after you said you couldn't see him. Sounds like he's trying to keep his mind off things, not that he's looking for support. Don't overanalyze this Cora and please don't culpabilize over it. You had no way to know his friend had just died and I'm sure he didn't expect you to somehow guess it. In fact, that's probably why he reached out to you, didn't bring it up until you asked and then cut the convo short. Leave it at that.
Author Cora Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Well since he said himself he didn't want to talk about it, reaching out to you actually makes sense. His friends would likely get over-caring and maybe he wanted to avoid that and just spend time with someone who knew nothing about the friend. He did only reveal the funeral after you said you couldn't see him. Sounds like he's trying to keep his mind off things, not that he's looking for support. Don't overanalyze this Cora and please don't culpabilize over it. You had no way to know his friend had just died and I'm sure he didn't expect you to somehow guess it. In fact, that's probably why he reached out to you, didn't bring it up until you asked and then cut the convo short. Leave it at that. Yeah, that does make sense. That's me always overanalyzing things. This was just so unexpected and out of the blue. I haven't heard from him in a few days and I certainly wasn't expecting him to ask me over. My mind just immediately thought sex when he asked me over which is probably what would have happened had I went over there. It's a good thing I wasn't feeling well or I would have ended up going over because I'm such a damn over emotional person who cares too much and I truly felt bad for him when he told me this. To be completely honest here, I do still have feelings for him. I can't deny that. I no longer bring it up to him. We are just friends now if you can call it that. We no longer meet up for sex and we really don't talk all that much when it comes down to it. However, I still have feelings for him that I just continue to hide. Yeah, I know that's wrong and not doing me a bit of good. When he sent me that text I just wanted to rush over there. I do know where it would have led though. You are right in that he probably just wanted that physical comfort. I'm glad that I did not go over there, but yet I just feel so awful. I feel bad that he is going through this and I couldn't be there, I feel bad because I like him so damn much and wish he liked me the same way, I feel bad that I'm still not over him. I was doing fine until this text. Damn, I have so many problems.
Recommended Posts