EmptyPromises Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Okay so im trying to work things out with my ex. we had alot of trust issues because both our exes cheated on us . i guessed his facebook password and would go on his facebook every once in awhile to make sure he wasnt doing nething wrong. he did seem a little flirty in some messages. anyway, he found out i had his password and changed it. we broke up in may because of flirty messages i found in his phone to two girls.i told him the only way i would stay with him is if he gave me his password to facebook. he refused. we spent three months apart and now he wants to work things out i dont think he would give me his password again. people that are in relationships--do u have your boyfriend/girlfriends password? and do they no about it? also are u open to letting them go through your phone or your facebook messages or emails? is it crazy to have his password, and go through his phone every once in awhile? opinions/advice etc alll welcome!
jerbear Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 If you two have trust issues and need passwords to Facebook, then there is no trust in this relationship. Also why do you want him back and his password? Nothing would prevent him from changing his password or do something like this in the future?
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 i had another thread in which people were telling me we should exchange passwords to gain back trust...so that confused me because i decided in may that that probably wouldnt be the best thing to do.. i want him back because i love him & i think hes come to realize what he almost lost & really is trying lately..
desukadeux Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 If you two have trust issues and need passwords to Facebook, then there is no trust in this relationship. I second this statement. Given, I don't give my girlfriend passwords to all of my stuff and she doesn't give me passwords to all of her things because it's private and our own matters, but we also have a high level of trust in the other. While I wouldn't give her my password due to my own issues regarding privacy and security, and the fact that it was seem as if she couldn't trust me normally and was acting parental (as someone else mentioned), I wouldn't have any problems with showing her my exchanged Facebook messages and things of that nature if nothing else than to prove that I have nothing to hide. Most likely I'd think something were awry if she asked to have my login information for different things, but that's a different matter entirely. The point is that you shouldn't need to spy on each other to make sure the other one isn't doing anything suspicious, etc, since that already means you have a severe lack of trust in your relationship.
esl77 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Okay so im trying to work things out with my ex. we had alot of trust issues because both our exes cheated on us . i guessed his facebook password and would go on his facebook every once in awhile to make sure he wasnt doing nething wrong. he did seem a little flirty in some messages. anyway, he found out i had his password and changed it. we broke up in may because of flirty messages i found in his phone to two girls.i told him the only way i would stay with him is if he gave me his password to facebook. he refused. we spent three months apart and now he wants to work things out i dont think he would give me his password again. people that are in relationships--do u have your boyfriend/girlfriends password? and do they no about it? also are u open to letting them go through your phone or your facebook messages or emails? is it crazy to have his password, and go through his phone every once in awhile? opinions/advice etc alll welcome! I do have his AOL password and his bank account password, he knows about those, he gave them to me as he asks me to check things for him every once and a while. I have his Myspace password (he doesn't have FB) but I think he forgot about that. I don't go on there and check things though, he's hardly ever on there and hasn't even updated his info. in a year or so. I've had some trust issues with the phone, he doesn't have text messaging since it's a company issued phone, thank God, but I have checked the history in his phone before and asked him about numbers I didn't recognize. He put up with it for a while, then told me enough was enough, either I trusted him or I didn't. He's never cheated on me, he's lied to me 1 time and I knew what that was about. If you feel the need to go through and check behind him, you definitely have trust issues, and if you can't trust him without having his passwords to access everything, you can't maintain a relationship. You will always be suspicious, and he can always go in and delete his phone history/messages he doesn't want you to see- they aren't completely naive about these things! Good luck!
New Again Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 If he hasn't cheated on you, nor you on him, I don't get the huge lack of trust. I understand you've been cheated on in the past, but the past is, uh past. Ya know? Had there been cheating in this relationship, I could understand how access to these things would help rebuild trust. That said, I have never had any bf's pwords, nor have I ever given any bfs my pwords. I don't cheat, flirt etc. when I'm in a relationship - I have nothing to hide. But I absolutely would not be OK with a bf going through my personal accounts, emails, and phone calls/text messages. Making me feel like I'm shady and untrustworthy, making it clear he doesn't trust me (for no wrong done by me!), constantly being checked up on would NOT be OK. The closest I've ever come to dating someone like that is a guy who would act moody every time a guy wrote on my fb wall (the funny party is, I don't have many guy friends, and these guys were related to me, but with different last names), then days later pester the crap out of me about how they were and why were they flirting with me and what did I say back. He also liked to literally snatch my phone out of my hand and read all texts and review all phone calls. It was NOT fun, and it didn't last long for that very reason. Turns out he was the one cheating on me. ALSO: snooping is a slippery slope, and it's addicting. I really wouldn't recommend getting into the habit of checking up on him.
Teslacoil Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 is it crazy to have his password, and go through his phone every once in awhile? opinions/advice etc alll welcome! It's not CRAZY if you really suspect him of not being honest. However, realize that eventually you need to TRUST him for your relationship to work? How long are you going to want to babysit his online comings and goings? Also keep in mind that if he REALLY wants to sneak around behind your back, he'll find some way of doing it. He'll open an account you don't know about, erase emails and text messages, etc. In the short term trust issues like this can be dealt with by sharing passwords, but it's no way to handle things in the long term. You both need to deal with your trust issues. If you come to the conclusion that you'll just never be able to trust him, it might be better for both of you to just move on.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 If he hasn't cheated on you, nor you on him, I don't get the huge lack of trust. I understand you've been cheated on in the past, but the past is, uh past. Ya know? Had there been cheating in this relationship, I could understand how access to these things would help rebuild trust. That said, I have never had any bf's pwords, nor have I ever given any bfs my pwords. I don't cheat, flirt etc. when I'm in a relationship - I have nothing to hide. But I absolutely would not be OK with a bf going through my personal accounts, emails, and phone calls/text messages. Making me feel like I'm shady and untrustworthy, making it clear he doesn't trust me (for no wrong done by me!), constantly being checked up on would NOT be OK. The closest I've ever come to dating someone like that is a guy who would act moody every time a guy wrote on my fb wall (the funny party is, I don't have many guy friends, and these guys were related to me, but with different last names), then days later pester the crap out of me about how they were and why were they flirting with me and what did I say back. He also liked to literally snatch my phone out of my hand and read all texts and review all phone calls. It was NOT fun, and it didn't last long for that very reason. Turns out he was the one cheating on me. ALSO: snooping is a slippery slope, and it's addicting. I really wouldn't recommend getting into the habit of checking up on him. uh oh...your old boyfriend is just like my ex. always gets jealous about who friends me or whos writing on my wall. even if its innocent. maybe i should keep him my ex. im going back and forth with this. im trying to explain to him why i dont trust him and what he needs to do to gain my trust back.
New Again Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 uh oh...your old boyfriend is just like my ex. always gets jealous about who friends me or whos writing on my wall. even if its innocent. maybe i should keep him my ex. im going back and forth with this. im trying to explain to him why i dont trust him and what he needs to do to gain my trust back. Sorry but if he acts that way and doesn't trust you either, I don't really see this relationship working out. It would be great if someone proved me wrong, but behavior like that doesn't change, no matter what you do, IME.
pinkstar Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 You should not ask for his password. Try to be patient and do not get jealous over nothing...if he just sent some flirty messages, let him do! One day he will get tired of these messages...it is just internet and nothing serious will happen...you should not get worried...I think if you insist of having his password, he will find other ways of "Fun", like in reality. Could you take that if he ever had an affair with another women? facebook and other website are nothing and can't be harmful..give him his privacy and do not ask his password. Some people look for adventure! if he will feel happy to flirt with girls over internet, let him do! It is much better than trying it in real world...instead of asking for password, just be careful about his actions toward other women...I hope the relationship works if he deserves your love...
hendersongirl Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I have the password to my bfs email and facebook, and he doesn't know. I check it regularly (every time I check mine), and sometimes sit and watch him on facebook chat with people. It is totally unhealthy and I wish I didn't do it because I am on the lookout for things to be upset about and so I find them in everything. But I am addicted. Sigh. Please try and trust each other without sneaking around with passwords. I really wish I had before it got this late and this ridiculous. We will probably break up soon. Too stressful at the moment to even think about (we live together and have 2 months left of our honours degrees).
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